Thursday, July 12, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
How Vocal Instruction Helps
I'm guessing most people who were in choir showcased their talent at home. I'm a little different. I was inhibited to do that. So, I sang softly. At one point, I sang loudly, but I think I was still inhibited to do it with my family.
What's best is to learn opera. It's not about robust ladies in fancy wigs. It's just an expressive, lyrical form of musical theater or without the dancing involved. You think it has to be tacky and corny, but it's not, and it's not as high as often as you think. It's just not. It's even that way for higher sopranos. It's more medium and it's more fun when it's a little high. It does't go as low as other songs and as high for the same voice, true, which I could do and would have fun doing, doubtless that others could, especially maybe in musical theater, judging from what I know in my experience. I'm not sure if classical high voices usually can sing very very low, like a bass, but I can, maybe some.. I just recently discovered that. I did take off school to get better. I started posting online, hoping nothing bad would happen. I think it's important to be careful in how you reveal yourself, which can cause for some obstacles. If you just let it all out, people will know too much of you. You can go back and stop being that way, though.
So, to think of singing in opera is like a treat because it's like a play except singing, not just a song for an art. It should be very expressive, as well as resounding. Obviously, it can be, if you've heard people in theater act ... You know people can be very expressive when combining talents.
I think taking voice is the best route. I know Renée Fleming is very expressive, in a way I've connected with. Other singers seem more crude. I also know Órla Fallon, who is a bit younger, an Irish singer. These 2 singers both have been singing the way they do since they could remember or before. Their singing is hardly crude. I honestly remember a lot of times I didn't sing, whereas it was a time when I should had been. I spent the early part of my life in gymnastics and art. I think my family were sensitive to singing, like it was embarrassing. I heard music at school in kindergarten, and that's when I got into it and tried to do it myself what I could remember.. So, since then, I've been big in music.
I find that, like other people who just did choir and whatever else singing on their own etc., it's not really something to be proud of.. People who take voice have a certain consciousness. I'm just wondering if I should sing myself more or get into voice lessons. I have some things I want to do 1st, like clean my room. I do want to start ballet now, though, so we'll see. That will be good exercise. I'm wondering if running and ballet go. I won't be doing a real ballet program but rather an easy one for adults. It's better to jut have ballet muscles. I might stop running, but I dunno I'm thinking not. I want to be a film actress, and I need to be on top of things. I'm doing ballet, too, because it's something I like. I know a lot of ballerinas can't be film actresses nor singers. I guess, if you actually took voice and sought out to be a film actress, that it would be possible.
So, I vie for vocal instruction and ballet class. It's not the be all and end all of everything. It's just something to consider. I suppose it'd be a shock to start ballet and then to stop, like it was for me. It's exercise, though, and should be good for you. Julie Andrews looks good, and she was a singer. Somehow, she got a very nice, lyrical voice. Renée Fleming doesn't sound like Julie Andrews but probably is just as good. It's just that my dad told me she was the #2 singer in the world and I liked her, her singing and personality. She sings in operas, and, also, there's just songs as art.
Kids tend not to know what to sing, and that's why vocal instruction is important. I did gain a more pure voice from hiding myself in choir and behind my piano playing, but I did lose it in college trying to be like everyone else. The least I could have done was save some recordings. I think, in voice lessons, they do command vibrato, the vibrating you hear in opera singers. Like, in folk songs, I guess things wouldn't be this way. I was able to produce a sound, in singing, that was good without vibrating, but taking voice lessons is probably the best thing. I learned to do vibrato finally, pretty consistently, from college choir. You like take a deep breath and push against your stomach until an even vibrating is produced. Most people can probably figure that out if they try, but I didn't for awhile and probably would have liked to have done it. I didn't sound like I was straining when I sang without vibrato, though, having done a few solos in choir, which embarrassed me in front of my family. I was always thought to be pretty good, spot-on. I guess you don't have to start at birth to be good. I started in choir when I was 8. Everyone, including me, sang loudly. The leader said I was getting to be one of his loudest singers. I was soft in choir after moving, twice, until I took voice in college. I don't know. I don't remember what the change was like, unfortunately. It shouldn't be that important. I wish there were other things I would be allowed to forget. People don't seem to mind if I forget anything.
I think more practice is important and that it should be possible to sing with a pure sound even if you study opera.
What's best is to learn opera. It's not about robust ladies in fancy wigs. It's just an expressive, lyrical form of musical theater or without the dancing involved. You think it has to be tacky and corny, but it's not, and it's not as high as often as you think. It's just not. It's even that way for higher sopranos. It's more medium and it's more fun when it's a little high. It does't go as low as other songs and as high for the same voice, true, which I could do and would have fun doing, doubtless that others could, especially maybe in musical theater, judging from what I know in my experience. I'm not sure if classical high voices usually can sing very very low, like a bass, but I can, maybe some.. I just recently discovered that. I did take off school to get better. I started posting online, hoping nothing bad would happen. I think it's important to be careful in how you reveal yourself, which can cause for some obstacles. If you just let it all out, people will know too much of you. You can go back and stop being that way, though.
So, to think of singing in opera is like a treat because it's like a play except singing, not just a song for an art. It should be very expressive, as well as resounding. Obviously, it can be, if you've heard people in theater act ... You know people can be very expressive when combining talents.
I think taking voice is the best route. I know Renée Fleming is very expressive, in a way I've connected with. Other singers seem more crude. I also know Órla Fallon, who is a bit younger, an Irish singer. These 2 singers both have been singing the way they do since they could remember or before. Their singing is hardly crude. I honestly remember a lot of times I didn't sing, whereas it was a time when I should had been. I spent the early part of my life in gymnastics and art. I think my family were sensitive to singing, like it was embarrassing. I heard music at school in kindergarten, and that's when I got into it and tried to do it myself what I could remember.. So, since then, I've been big in music.
I find that, like other people who just did choir and whatever else singing on their own etc., it's not really something to be proud of.. People who take voice have a certain consciousness. I'm just wondering if I should sing myself more or get into voice lessons. I have some things I want to do 1st, like clean my room. I do want to start ballet now, though, so we'll see. That will be good exercise. I'm wondering if running and ballet go. I won't be doing a real ballet program but rather an easy one for adults. It's better to jut have ballet muscles. I might stop running, but I dunno I'm thinking not. I want to be a film actress, and I need to be on top of things. I'm doing ballet, too, because it's something I like. I know a lot of ballerinas can't be film actresses nor singers. I guess, if you actually took voice and sought out to be a film actress, that it would be possible.
So, I vie for vocal instruction and ballet class. It's not the be all and end all of everything. It's just something to consider. I suppose it'd be a shock to start ballet and then to stop, like it was for me. It's exercise, though, and should be good for you. Julie Andrews looks good, and she was a singer. Somehow, she got a very nice, lyrical voice. Renée Fleming doesn't sound like Julie Andrews but probably is just as good. It's just that my dad told me she was the #2 singer in the world and I liked her, her singing and personality. She sings in operas, and, also, there's just songs as art.
Kids tend not to know what to sing, and that's why vocal instruction is important. I did gain a more pure voice from hiding myself in choir and behind my piano playing, but I did lose it in college trying to be like everyone else. The least I could have done was save some recordings. I think, in voice lessons, they do command vibrato, the vibrating you hear in opera singers. Like, in folk songs, I guess things wouldn't be this way. I was able to produce a sound, in singing, that was good without vibrating, but taking voice lessons is probably the best thing. I learned to do vibrato finally, pretty consistently, from college choir. You like take a deep breath and push against your stomach until an even vibrating is produced. Most people can probably figure that out if they try, but I didn't for awhile and probably would have liked to have done it. I didn't sound like I was straining when I sang without vibrato, though, having done a few solos in choir, which embarrassed me in front of my family. I was always thought to be pretty good, spot-on. I guess you don't have to start at birth to be good. I started in choir when I was 8. Everyone, including me, sang loudly. The leader said I was getting to be one of his loudest singers. I was soft in choir after moving, twice, until I took voice in college. I don't know. I don't remember what the change was like, unfortunately. It shouldn't be that important. I wish there were other things I would be allowed to forget. People don't seem to mind if I forget anything.
I think more practice is important and that it should be possible to sing with a pure sound even if you study opera.
What Happened
I came home and posted online about Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. A misunderstanding occurred online, and it has obsessed me for the past 2 1|2 years. I had been home prior to that for 3 1|2 years, hoping I was on the brink to recovery. So, at 23, something struck me and in some ways I wasn't getting better, as before, when I was 20|21.
College
I wonder if I'm too old to go back. College keeps me busy and could get me in shape. I feel like I'm lounging around at home.
What I Should Have Done in High School and College
starting at age 16
1. English IV - Advanced Placement|Gifted
2. American History - Honors
3. French I
4. Health | Free Enterprise
5. Talented Music - Singing
6. Talented Theater
7. Art III
1. French II
2. Talented Music - Singing
3. Talented Theater
4. Art IV
5. Talented Art
6. Choir
College
at some point:
History of Dance - 3
Ballet - Independent Study - 1
Year 1
1. English 1 - Honors - 3
2. History - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 1 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 16
1. English 2 - Honors
2. Math - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Italian Diction & Repertoire - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 2 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
9. Intro. to Music History - 2
Total - 19
Year 2
1. Religion 1 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 1 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. French Diction & Repertoire 1 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 3 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 17
1. Religion 2 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 2 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. French Diction & Repertoire 2 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 4 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 17
Year 3
1. Religion 3 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 3 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. German Diction & Repertoire 1 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 3
7. Music History 1 - 3
8. Opera Workshop - 1
9. Ballet - 3
Total - 18
1. Science - Honors - 3
2. Humanities|Arts - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. German Diction & Repertoire 2 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 3
7. Music History 2 - 3
8. Opera Workshop - 1
9. Junior Recital - 0
10. Ballet - 3
Total - 18
Year 4
1. Behavioral|Social Sciences - Honors - 3
2. Essentials of Conducting - 2
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Major Ensemble - 1
5. Voice Lessons - 3
6. Opera Workshop - 1
7. Opera Literature - 2
8. Music Theory - 2
9. French 1 - 3
10. Ballet - 3
Total - 20
1. Essentials of Conducting - 2
2. Recital Hour - 0
3. Major Ensemble - 1
4. Voice Lessons - 3
5. Opera Workshop - 1
6. Opera Literature - 2
7. Music Theory - 2
8. French 2 - 3
9. Ballet - 3
Total - 20
End - Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance and Minor in Ballet
1. English IV - Advanced Placement|Gifted
2. American History - Honors
3. French I
4. Health | Free Enterprise
5. Talented Music - Singing
6. Talented Theater
7. Art III
1. French II
2. Talented Music - Singing
3. Talented Theater
4. Art IV
5. Talented Art
6. Choir
College
at some point:
History of Dance - 3
Ballet - Independent Study - 1
Year 1
1. English 1 - Honors - 3
2. History - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Freshman Voice Lab - 0
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 1 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 16
1. English 2 - Honors
2. Math - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Italian Diction & Repertoire - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 2 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
9. Intro. to Music History - 2
Total - 19
Year 2
1. Religion 1 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 1 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. French Diction & Repertoire 1 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 3 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 17
1. Religion 2 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 2 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. French Diction & Repertoire 2 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 2
7. Theory 4 - 4
8. Ballet - 3
Total - 17
Year 3
1. Religion 3 - Honors - 3
2. Philosophy 3 - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. German Diction & Repertoire 1 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 3
7. Music History 1 - 3
8. Opera Workshop - 1
9. Ballet - 3
Total - 18
1. Science - Honors - 3
2. Humanities|Arts - Honors - 3
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. German Diction & Repertoire 2 - 1
5. Major Ensemble - 1
6. Voice Lessons - 3
7. Music History 2 - 3
8. Opera Workshop - 1
9. Junior Recital - 0
10. Ballet - 3
Total - 18
Year 4
1. Behavioral|Social Sciences - Honors - 3
2. Essentials of Conducting - 2
3. Recital Hour - 0
4. Major Ensemble - 1
5. Voice Lessons - 3
6. Opera Workshop - 1
7. Opera Literature - 2
8. Music Theory - 2
9. French 1 - 3
10. Ballet - 3
Total - 20
1. Essentials of Conducting - 2
2. Recital Hour - 0
3. Major Ensemble - 1
4. Voice Lessons - 3
5. Opera Workshop - 1
6. Opera Literature - 2
7. Music Theory - 2
8. French 2 - 3
9. Ballet - 3
Total - 20
End - Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance and Minor in Ballet
Monday, July 9, 2012
Renée Fleming
I'm posting videos of Renée Fleming on one of my websites: http://website-of-people.yolasite.com/ren%C3%A9e-fleming.php
I couldn't use my YouTube because it shows newest videos last and eventually you wouldn't be able to see new videos, at least not very quickly.
I couldn't use my YouTube because it shows newest videos last and eventually you wouldn't be able to see new videos, at least not very quickly.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Another Rough Day - Aw, Fooey
I think the niggering has died down. I ended up thinking of the word for everyone. So, a way to stop that for me worked and would for others, though I shan't recommend it, is to think of like myself as one..
Friday, July 6, 2012
The towels
are wet in the dryer, and my mom's clothes are on top. I was gonna do the towels. We have to do them every other day, it seems.
I'm guessing supper was taken out.
I'm apprehensive to go out into the kitchen in order to set the table, now, just not the right mood, but I need to eat and wash the dishes.
Ever since I thought someone wanted me to call them the "n" word
like I'm out doing chores instead of resting in my room alone.
I feel more tired now.
:(
How evil. I bet it was something lame like how|the way my mother closed the car doors.
How evil. I bet it was something lame like how|the way my mother closed the car doors.
Wasting My Time Talking About This Boy
The one who made me think of his thumb and my nose together while I was drinking from the water fountain at the gym and in conjunction with the thought of having a grandkid. I don't like when boys think they have a handle on you, like hypnosis. I could have slapped him, but I didn't even think of it. I can't do that or I'd get in trouble. This boy was not being cool.
Now, I'm apprehensive to enter the kitchen.
I wanna help with supper and eventually will come out and at least set the table. I wonder if supper is even ready, probably not. I dunno, I heard the car door slam several times in succession.
I don't know why people are so mean to me.
They assure me in my good behavior regularly that, yes, I'm a good person, but started to act like there was something wrong with me, I swear, every time Johnny comes out with something big. I seen it happen.
My brother hasn't been seeming very nice, lately.
He thinks he's over and above me and in on the thing where someone acted like I should call them the "n" word.
Okay, so I didn't prepare any vegetables.
Since my brother isn't preparing anything, that means my mom is bringing something home. I'm not preparing vegetables, at this point, because my brother is in the area watching TV.
The sound affected
the back of my head, the inside. Wow. What was that? See, that's one reason not to live here, but it's nice.. not the same as up north, in ways. I'm not sure what my decision is. I just don't like getting into conflict. The conflicts here are more pre-meditated.
I have a feeling my mom is bringing home dinner.
I was thinking of doing the vegetables earlier but forgot and was a bit sluggish. I've been dieting lately and am feeling more awake. I'm also trying to pick something to read.
Dilemma
I am wondering if I should advance to chop up some vegetables for supper that I actually got for lunch. My brother is watching TV, and it's a big day tomorrow. My mom usually caters dinner.
Hmm.
Something funny. I wonder what did it. Let's see if I can not do it, anymore. How to fix the past? D:
Some people
lose track of what they claimed was important and instead are lost in some fantasy of thinking they have the authority to "punish" others, when they themselves have done things they would punish. So, they don't know what's going on.
No one was eager to solve the problem
nor to come to terms with the truth in the message.. which would be better off solved privately and left alone!
My friends
act like that, too. Though, everyone acts like they know I'm pretty much a perfect person and that bad things happen to me because of it..
Pretty Much
I'm a good person. I don't get people circling around me like witches, as though I'm a case. I run into awkward situations. It's too bad.
Crossing Boundaries
I guess that's important.
Some people just like to forget their problems, like if they cannot be addressed for some reason, but what's important is that everyone's okay. I would make sacrifices for others.
Some people just like to forget their problems, like if they cannot be addressed for some reason, but what's important is that everyone's okay. I would make sacrifices for others.
Wow
People who don't have kids themselves are overly concerned about certain things. That's too bad. They don't have the means. I don't have the time for a lot of things, I noticed, which isn't good in a way, though I accept it for what it is. I just trust that things will be okay..
Someone startled me..
..the neighbors set off fireworks.
My right side feels kinda dumbed down. It's the side closest to the fireworks. I think of it, and it feels that way.
My right side feels kinda dumbed down. It's the side closest to the fireworks. I think of it, and it feels that way.
My dad looked at me funny
well dropped his keys after handing me my purse and my hand touching the bottom of it and me cleaning my hands with sanitizer and the part of my purse I touched, too. We were bringing in the groceries. He cleaned his hands extra clean at home. It's funny at the gym I cleaned something just in case someone went on it, too, and people seemed to notice my worry. It's just how it was.
Well..
With me you could actually suggest a lot of things that happen.
I have problems, too.
People always act like I don't know things, things that I don't need to be concerned over.
I have problems, too.
People always act like I don't know things, things that I don't need to be concerned over.
So..
I am concerned about how different people can influence my life because they're older or more esteemed.
Some people think some things are okay that they grew up knowing. I'm not sure if it'd be okay for them, but it's not that anything bad should happen to anyone because nothing is anyone's fault.
Some things to me seem like a sideshow. I guess I do things pretty literally.
Some people think some things are okay that they grew up knowing. I'm not sure if it'd be okay for them, but it's not that anything bad should happen to anyone because nothing is anyone's fault.
Some things to me seem like a sideshow. I guess I do things pretty literally.
I found out
Ellen DeGeneres played Dori in Finding Nemo. I thought it was good but felt that it was a bit distant...
I'm also upset
I thought of the "n" word this weekend when we ate out for the 4th of July. I felt bad from something that happened in the restaurant ...
Trying to Impress Me
People just think of "some thing" I don't know and present it to me as though it's something. It's like something bad.
Basically, everyone knows, I didn't do anything wrong actually just so happened to physically. They try to make me feel guilty for simply not being perfect.
I also figured they lost sleep and were agitated.
Basically, everyone knows, I didn't do anything wrong actually just so happened to physically. They try to make me feel guilty for simply not being perfect.
I also figured they lost sleep and were agitated.
A big thing for me was
wanting to live life in reality just to be right. It's as opposed to living purely in a fantasy.
Sometimes, it's funny
and I'm just gaping. If someone "wants to make a nigger out of me" is just something different, now. It seems it's already happened. Thanks to some gentlemen.
It's not really funny if someone doesn't like it. I never go onto someone with something.
I'm worried. I can't just get away with it. I've dealt with what I've dealt with..
It's not really funny if someone doesn't like it. I never go onto someone with something.
I'm worried. I can't just get away with it. I've dealt with what I've dealt with..
I'm trying not to use curse words, though.
I just forget, and it just happens.
I figured I could call my laundry shit.
I figured I could call my laundry shit.
This is serious.
Pretty much, people who are nice to me could get thought of as niggers. That's one thing I just realized. The other is that these "curse words" will come up. People won't take a no for using curse words, but it's like not that they'd do it against someone like me. I'm not radioactive.
Please, don't ask me to
be more respectful to people who have spited me. I already don't actually bite back. It's too bad if you think you can read into me just being too suggestive. My life is already something of a living Hell. Why not just be positive AND leave me alone?
Someone weird today
when I was at the gym made me think of their thumb and my nose when I was thinking about what I wanted one of my grandkids to be like. Hope that bit of rubbish goes.
That Word Coming Up
I just got the strange feeling that someone would think it'd be cool if I switched places like with my brother. D8 I'm such a nigger. Hey, I shouldn't say that. It might catch on.... At least, I got over that suggestion.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
It's hard to figure out some things.
I guess I should have started a blog and perhaps posted about something else. As to when, it shouldn't matter, but it took a lot to learn the ropes online.
Out of respect
it's hard to imagine people being a certain way for me with sacrifice.
I'm not sure what I'd do for things like this.
It's just that I started getting online a bit after Tim and Helena were about to have their daughter, and when she was born I started posting about Johnny Depp.
I'm not sure what I'd do for things like this.
It's just that I started getting online a bit after Tim and Helena were about to have their daughter, and when she was born I started posting about Johnny Depp.
That's a bit suggestive
to say I don't deserve to be online because celebrities are having their life.
To address the issue...
...I didn't even think I should consider the personal lives of stars and just post about their work. I thought that we were always supposed to think about feelings with other people. That's the way I was planning to live my life, at the time, and I think still it would be a proper way for me to exist, just not with certain people.
I should have been online already, end of story! I wasn't ready at the time, but I could have gotten ready sometime before. Besides, I was stuck with nothing to do and no one was even e-mailing me was why.
I should have been online already, end of story! I wasn't ready at the time, but I could have gotten ready sometime before. Besides, I was stuck with nothing to do and no one was even e-mailing me was why.
So, to sum it all up
I have to feel stimulated in sort of a way that's not dignified just because child stars have parents that are touchy-feely because they're rich and famous and artistic, but we don't really have a proper relationship. It's even because of them. They've affected my life in good ways but want me to pay yet don't realize how many people surround them in these issues of their functioning. They're not really that sneaky, neither, though people seem to go about and do something. I'm a bit worried because I guess maybe I cut my bangs for other reasons by now.
My dad saying "month."
He usually waits over a day if something goes wrong to recover...
He seemed more amiable after he said that. I was just thinking something, and they don't communicate with me. They try to stimulate me. I'm sad we don't have a relationship.
He seemed more amiable after he said that. I was just thinking something, and they don't communicate with me. They try to stimulate me. I'm sad we don't have a relationship.
People are mean to me if I'm not perfect.
It's really not my fault, see.
My dad said "month" while thinking maybe I'm evil.
I just want the "n" word stuff to be over. I don't want people thinking I can't have grandkids because of when I thought about it, too. I'm not dealing with this nonsense. I'm not impressed.
My dad said "month" while thinking maybe I'm evil.
I just want the "n" word stuff to be over. I don't want people thinking I can't have grandkids because of when I thought about it, too. I'm not dealing with this nonsense. I'm not impressed.
Well, I know that you can tell that
I have a problem.
It seems that people want to use the curse words in thinking because after all they are just words, just have to be used in the right situations.
Something happened when I thought "not a nigger." It was a big deal. I couldn't at the time stop it from coming. So, later, the reason I thought it came up, it just hurt me a lot. Some things happen. It's like when I think someone is gay to me, though. :p At the store, I thought of the word, and the cashier just smiled, a teen or young adult boy, and we exchanged looks that we were Celtic. It was funny and made sense at the time, actually...
It seems that people want to use the curse words in thinking because after all they are just words, just have to be used in the right situations.
Something happened when I thought "not a nigger." It was a big deal. I couldn't at the time stop it from coming. So, later, the reason I thought it came up, it just hurt me a lot. Some things happen. It's like when I think someone is gay to me, though. :p At the store, I thought of the word, and the cashier just smiled, a teen or young adult boy, and we exchanged looks that we were Celtic. It was funny and made sense at the time, actually...
I've been "in the business" for awhile.
I've been sharing my talents in the arts, and I don't believe that famous people are somehow more important just because they are than others.
So, I finally got my laundry washing and ironing done.
I just have a new batch to iron when it dries tomorrow, unless I'm extra-tired, which I probably won't be, though I'm trying to get to bed earlier and have enough clothes for now...
Child Celebs
They want them to feel comfortable that their parents are such touchy feely famous icons. So, my parents act like instead of me in more esteem and emotional distance of respect and intelligence, it's something like what I don't want what it was like for these particular child celebs. Except, now my hair isn't really as light, though it looks better altogether. Another issue. I think that Helena Bonham Carter is mad I cut my bangs. I think she influenced me. She shaped her daughter's hair pin kinda like the word "n" ... I'm not pinning my bangs back!
Ever since
I thought Helena Bonham Carter sent me a message, like using body language in pictures having read me up online as I know many have, to call her daughter the "n" word and already clearly symbolically did that to me. The daughter even was in on it. I know my parents were strict with me in my early years before gaining full consciousness or whatever.
So, people acted like I wanted to do that and I guess not that I went crazy innocently or some other excuse...
So, ever since that, people have been doing things to me. It wasn't like this before. I suppose it was to be done, anyway, but it's just because of trying to make life make sense for child celebs.
So, people acted like I wanted to do that and I guess not that I went crazy innocently or some other excuse...
So, ever since that, people have been doing things to me. It wasn't like this before. I suppose it was to be done, anyway, but it's just because of trying to make life make sense for child celebs.
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, expected-ly, ruined my life.
My parents didn't treat me with feelings in the same way as before, and it's a bit humiliating the way they've reduced the esteem of our relationship.
My mom just hit the pan really loudly.
My parents are always acting as though they thought I did something wrongly.
I was telling her about my dieting from rice but eating Triscuits. I've also been having yogurt and started eating fruit, too, to attend to my hunger.
Then, I told her I found a picture that looked like the daughter of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter who was from Spain and was Spanish probably. Helena Bonham Carter is a little Spanish and a lot Jewish on her mom's side I think. It's Jewish-European, I think, and her dad is of high class and all English. Helena is definitely very funky or whatever you should call it.
Here's the picture:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/80485PCN_Spain28.jpg
Here's the Photobucket of the daughter. Go to the bottom on the folders on the side to see the most recent pictures because they don't show up at the top, now, or click for the pop-up of viewing all albums:
http://photobucket.com/NellBurton
Here's another photo of a Spanish girl:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/2012-06-16-1.png
Also, here are 2 pictures of Johnny Depp and his girlfriend Vanessa Paradis:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/tumblr_m6dwhfaxaJ1qfgcb9o1_1280.jpg
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/tumblr_m6dwhfaxaJ1qfgcb9o2_1280.jpg
They sure look good. I noticed Vanessa looks very good, me not being from Europe.
I was telling her about my dieting from rice but eating Triscuits. I've also been having yogurt and started eating fruit, too, to attend to my hunger.
Then, I told her I found a picture that looked like the daughter of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter who was from Spain and was Spanish probably. Helena Bonham Carter is a little Spanish and a lot Jewish on her mom's side I think. It's Jewish-European, I think, and her dad is of high class and all English. Helena is definitely very funky or whatever you should call it.
Here's the picture:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/80485PCN_Spain28.jpg
Here's the Photobucket of the daughter. Go to the bottom on the folders on the side to see the most recent pictures because they don't show up at the top, now, or click for the pop-up of viewing all albums:
http://photobucket.com/NellBurton
Here's another photo of a Spanish girl:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/2012-06-16-1.png
Also, here are 2 pictures of Johnny Depp and his girlfriend Vanessa Paradis:
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/tumblr_m6dwhfaxaJ1qfgcb9o1_1280.jpg
http://i1053.photobucket.com/albums/s463/CB-Photobucket/tumblr_m6dwhfaxaJ1qfgcb9o2_1280.jpg
They sure look good. I noticed Vanessa looks very good, me not being from Europe.
I guess I got about 11 hours of sleep.
I did take my small dosage of medicine last night and don't feel tired, now.
Acting Pompous as Though It Means Something
People are set on one thing for some unknown reason. For some reason, they think it means something, when they are wrong in more ways than one. That usually matters...
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
When you realize there shouldn't be a man standing
you know something's gotta be up.
I mean, actors think regular people shouldn't exist.
I mean, actors think regular people shouldn't exist.
At the end, at the theater
I was wondering if I should get up again, but I stayed put and the show ended.
A New Point?
So, the more people are at me in public and in private, the more I will hate the people who caused me this misery, but I try not to let it get to me in the end.
Why don't they realize even this is dangerous from them? Lots of people would actually see things like this coming, but not them certainly seeing as it's happened..
Why don't they realize even this is dangerous from them? Lots of people would actually see things like this coming, but not them certainly seeing as it's happened..
It's funny when you realize
that it's serious, the whole set-up, of getting me to call someone a "nigger" thinking they wanted me to, you know like an ice breaker or to start something instead of them calling me one literally. I know some people are more into that I was symbolically called the "n" word, first, before thinking they were playing. I should have left it at that. They didn't get in trouble, though.
I just got back from seeing "Spider-Man."
I had to move seats over 10 times. My dad and I were front center, and a guy came and sat one seat away from me and kept like sending me Morse code. I don't know how I accepted my fate and moved on.
So, I read the story, as I do now, before seeing the movie but couldn't get into the details like I wanted so I could post more online about it. :( No, I don't think I need to try again. This is one of the only movies I saw in IMAX, too.
So, the guy who sat next to me was overweight and short. At first, I thought it was an old lady, then an old man judging from the laugh, which seemed obvious and nasally in a certain way like honking maybe, and then after moving saw it was a young adult with a crew cut.
There seems to be some unrest that I didn't move from my last seat because I was doing some people favors who didn't get along and moving.
I was kinda upset I wanted to eat at the mall, but my dad said we'd been spending too much money. It was closed, anyway. He's gonna come post on IMDb probably tonight about movies we've seen, including this one. We were gonna bring my brother, but he was asleep anyway.
So, I read the story, as I do now, before seeing the movie but couldn't get into the details like I wanted so I could post more online about it. :( No, I don't think I need to try again. This is one of the only movies I saw in IMAX, too.
So, the guy who sat next to me was overweight and short. At first, I thought it was an old lady, then an old man judging from the laugh, which seemed obvious and nasally in a certain way like honking maybe, and then after moving saw it was a young adult with a crew cut.
There seems to be some unrest that I didn't move from my last seat because I was doing some people favors who didn't get along and moving.
I was kinda upset I wanted to eat at the mall, but my dad said we'd been spending too much money. It was closed, anyway. He's gonna come post on IMDb probably tonight about movies we've seen, including this one. We were gonna bring my brother, but he was asleep anyway.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Advice for Young Singers ... From Me
I was just jogging and wondering about ballet versus voice. I found you have to know piano to do voice eventually because it's gonna be songs you don't know... Like, you have to play out the melody or something. I was thinking about a YouTube I was watching of someone who does both piano and voice. I think I would not keep up piano because even if you did want to be a piano star, too, it's more about talent than like you think in ballet did you do it all the time from age such and such to age such and such. If you wear yourself out as a person, you won't be happy. People start things late and get good at them. I'm not sure what the records are, though, on this matter.
Why are Americans in European relations so into
doing "things literally?" I know in America we tend to skirt by what seems to exist, like certain feelings and things we do emotionally. It sure was like that in school. We didn't really do much in way of like history, religion to my dismay in college, English V, ... I don't know why.
People really do what you expect.
Why do I feel less German? Is it because I've been into this English stuff?
It seems like people really do treat you a certain way if for them something isn't as much as yours in a way that is liked.
I just feel a bit funny. I know I got into Johnny Depp. He is part German but lives in Paris.
People have been funny, some, around me, who have things going for them, like I shouldn't reap the benefits of my life, but I don't agree with that anymore.
It seems like people really do treat you a certain way if for them something isn't as much as yours in a way that is liked.
I just feel a bit funny. I know I got into Johnny Depp. He is part German but lives in Paris.
People have been funny, some, around me, who have things going for them, like I shouldn't reap the benefits of my life, but I don't agree with that anymore.
Huh..
My room is pretty neat. Everything doesn't match. I probably shouldn't paint the garage, which is my room.. I have some things to put away. I kinda want more space. I'm thinking of storing some things away in boxes. I need more room for clothes. What kind of people have all this in order?..
Why did before
reading messages online seem to take like negative time and you want more and now it is laborious?
Think of all we've lost.
So, I've been singing some hits I am anticipating to see turn into remakes, while I was showering.
Imagine if more talented people became more well-known in the 90s and 80s and such. Today, things just seem different, like everyone's been knocked out. It's too bad...I'm not sure if we have a lot of videos from the hurricane of us. Imagine what could have happened if we used our talents in the world, more. Should we give everything up and just try to get by day to day where we are stationed?
...
Imagine if more talented people became more well-known in the 90s and 80s and such. Today, things just seem different, like everyone's been knocked out. It's too bad...I'm not sure if we have a lot of videos from the hurricane of us. Imagine what could have happened if we used our talents in the world, more. Should we give everything up and just try to get by day to day where we are stationed?
...
Ahhh
I love having an online writing record.
So, yea, my hair is dried and I'm all ready with my makeup. I didn't grow up wearing makeup, like in high school and college. I started after I took a break from college, and I never went back! My mom said to do theater. I almost was gonna do singing a year ago.
So, yea, my hair is dried and I'm all ready with my makeup. I didn't grow up wearing makeup, like in high school and college. I started after I took a break from college, and I never went back! My mom said to do theater. I almost was gonna do singing a year ago.
People who think they're more compatible with hard-to-talk-to people.
People think that there are some people who have it great, not mixed race, at least not as much as others. They think that they're suggestive to those who are mixed race or who don't seem as you'd expect people to be. By the way, I know some people are mean, and I have no idea why what I said would be taken as mean. You don't seem to even know what I was talking about. So, people think, if they just are in the moment and focus on certain basic things, like holding onto reactions and maybe dabbling in reacting to physical features, that that's like "what" life is and that they think they have to be seen as perfect and different from most others, though there are a lot of people who are being like that more and more each day. I've seen that people can get violently mad. It's affected the whole of my life, intentional or not. I can't stand when people say they're all that and then get mad when you talk about them, as though you're suggesting something and they deserve to enjoy their life more than you do because it's already their "thing." Most people who are more fun have this problem. They can really pore into you, regardless of if they have|need to or not. I guess pretty much everyone is like this nowadays. I'm not like that, though. I don't have to be. I don't think everyone in the world is like this. It's not where I live, neither, just the people I've interacted with. I'm not a failure, racially. Those things are not supposed to be suggested. It's offensive. I don't want to look Asian nor Native American. My dad's mom's probably Jewish from both of her parents.
... I remember when ... I remember I remember
I used to think I could even be a stage actor and memorize all that stuff, but that's since left me, as well. I should probably look more into acting. I think I've lost my voice. I can't see myself being in an opera. I think, at one point I would have been good, but they told me I couldn't take voice at my old college and I got into Johnny Depp and felt guilty about having many talents.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
It's not safe!
I just accidentally ended up calling someone the "n" word who and whose parents seemed to want me to do it, and I think they did for whatever reason. It's hard for me not to feel guilty around other people who can tell I'm guilty, from what people around me have treated me like, because the girl was only just turning 2 years old I think in a matter of days. So, the girl wasn't African-American and was white. I just can't get out of the guilt because of how young she was, but the situation says that's just how it is.
I'm pretty sure it's at least partly the fault of the parents and an excuse to get rid of me. I was doing well before, but after that I seemed to look worse.
I'm pretty sure it's at least partly the fault of the parents and an excuse to get rid of me. I was doing well before, but after that I seemed to look worse.
You're not supposed to
be able to take into account that I have Chinese-Indonesian genes. I also have Native American from northeastern America or Canada an probably Jewish.
Ooh, now I remember!
People seemed to think though not a voice major ... I was happier to sing than anyone else. Haha! That's because I've been doing it for most of my life already.
Boondocks Versus "Progress"
Do some people think because of where they're from somewhere else should not advance as much as it should? I thought that was embarrassing and could get you in trouble. Everyone only has one life and so much to hope for in it, in a way...
Saturday, June 30, 2012
"Magic Mike"
We were gonna see Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, as we had planned, because I didn't know Magic Mike would be popular and Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is probably leaving theaters this weekend. They cancelled Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and probably put in another showing of Magic Mike. I walked by 2 theaters in a row showing Magic Mike at maybe 9:00 and 9:30P.M.
Diet!
Well, I found that it slowed down my metabolism to not eat enough.
I'm working out more. I'm also singing more seriously, which helped me lose weight before.
Well, like I try to work out more in one time. Perhaps, I should consider dieting, again. I could just dine alone. I buy healthy food. I can't stand the rice we have at supper, but I still need my fill of things like biscuits maybe to balance off the rice I've been eating...bleh! I just want a different feel. Vegetables are good, indeed. So are the mashed potatos.
I've just been off-balance emotionally, trying to figure out what to do online, sitting here, deleting my videos, watching things, things like that.
I believe the medicine is making me fatter. I can stop taking it eventually. It's just that I ended up in the mental hospital last time when I stopped and was dieting and getting a lot skinnier. I can try to do that again but with a little medicine. I can't count and don't know if I'm taking more or less medicine now than I just was because I didn't take it every day before and now am splitting pills. The medicine is psychiatric, which means like mental.
I don't really need a lot of variety. I don't even need spice, except on my potatos, salt and pepper being all it is, though, without gravy, though gravy is good, too.
I guess I'm kinda on a diet at the moment not having eaten all night. I need a lot of time to sort out my thoughts.
I'm working out more. I'm also singing more seriously, which helped me lose weight before.
Well, like I try to work out more in one time. Perhaps, I should consider dieting, again. I could just dine alone. I buy healthy food. I can't stand the rice we have at supper, but I still need my fill of things like biscuits maybe to balance off the rice I've been eating...bleh! I just want a different feel. Vegetables are good, indeed. So are the mashed potatos.
I've just been off-balance emotionally, trying to figure out what to do online, sitting here, deleting my videos, watching things, things like that.
I believe the medicine is making me fatter. I can stop taking it eventually. It's just that I ended up in the mental hospital last time when I stopped and was dieting and getting a lot skinnier. I can try to do that again but with a little medicine. I can't count and don't know if I'm taking more or less medicine now than I just was because I didn't take it every day before and now am splitting pills. The medicine is psychiatric, which means like mental.
I don't really need a lot of variety. I don't even need spice, except on my potatos, salt and pepper being all it is, though, without gravy, though gravy is good, too.
I guess I'm kinda on a diet at the moment not having eaten all night. I need a lot of time to sort out my thoughts.
Some people really aren't that bad.
Since when did it make sense to treat people one notch lower fundamentally than they deserve? Some people really aren't that bad.
How dare you
step into my life and try to change things that have been done for me. Leave my family alone.
People have been teasing with me.
They think I'm fat or something and think that if I get upset that they can do something somewhat incomprehensible. Some people don't realize how complicated some things are and that they can hurt you if not done correctly. You could end up in life totally knocked out of your senses. I'm not sure, but I hope that doesn't happen. I don't see anything funny about it. There are some things that are special to me that supposedly can change that I don't want people prying into my business about as though it's my fault. It's affecting me some right now, and that's not right.
I don't like when white people come around
and suggest the Holocaust to Asians. The Jews are against the Asians, but the Jews are still considered white more than Asians nowadays.
Friday, June 29, 2012
So, literally
...you felt you couldn't even do something before, but swindle someone and suddenly that thing is stellar out-of-this-world against another person?
Did something come and hit you in the head? LOL
Ouch! I've been hit in the nose by balls.
Why do people not get that I thought my life was an experiment and that they seemed to play along? Didn't they know I had problems from being told to leave taking voice and majoring in music education?
Why do people not get that I thought my life was an experiment and that they seemed to play along? Didn't they know I had problems from being told to leave taking voice and majoring in music education?
I can see the circumstances
and how they work, but why insinuate something different ... because you have no control over it.
Why punish me for
parents acting like I was nicer than their own kids? I've always denied the favor.
If someone acts like they want you to do something concerning them, sometimes you do it.
I just don't want to sit here and talk about nothing.
If someone acts like they want you to do something concerning them, sometimes you do it.
I just don't want to sit here and talk about nothing.
I actually went and cleaned my contact lenses.
Now, I can see better. I've slept in them for like 2 or 3 days! 8o
Someone can't say
when they were not tested that they need not identify with the truth in why someone was wronged.
I guess the "n" word thing is making me upset.
People are taking liberties.
It has allowed me to get into some things that wouldn't have been gone into.
I also figured out that there are some things people don't do, necessarily, at least I'd pray not.
It has allowed me to get into some things that wouldn't have been gone into.
I also figured out that there are some things people don't do, necessarily, at least I'd pray not.
It's obvious I know what I'm doing.
People can't suddenly act like I ruin|ed their lives. Everything has a place!
People can't be mean to me
because someone else wanted me to call them the "n" word. People are unrelenting.
They think that means my whole life should change.
I try to see what's up, and they don't change! They just leave me hanging all the time.
I'm tired of them playing around and starting things.
People do things that are over my head and then punish me for it.
They think that means my whole life should change.
I try to see what's up, and they don't change! They just leave me hanging all the time.
I'm tired of them playing around and starting things.
People do things that are over my head and then punish me for it.
I guess I'm so well-respected
people need to acknowledge their thinking of curse words to steer their frustrations away from one so high.
Why would anyone need the guidance of their parents
past mid-life crisis? No, this is not just to be funny nor witty.
See, I never attack anyone for who they are.
...but I know people who do and think it's okay, even. They think that no one can criticize them, even in their thoughts.
I contend like others if not more.
There is no reason to go flipping around ideas just to make things work out!
My life is bad.
There is nothing good about going through something that happened with no end for over 2 years.
Ugh!
I don't have to be a perv like everyone else.
People keep attacking me, some, mentally, refusing to think I successfully went through life doing nothing wrong. I know some people who are nicer than others and more warm and fuzzy. I just got this feeling that someone wants to ruin my life or hurt people who I've had conflict with, which is understandable beyond the point of needing to be told anything, as though others had an idea about it.
:p Well, the 1st sentence has nothing to do with the paragraph.
People keep attacking me, some, mentally, refusing to think I successfully went through life doing nothing wrong. I know some people who are nicer than others and more warm and fuzzy. I just got this feeling that someone wants to ruin my life or hurt people who I've had conflict with, which is understandable beyond the point of needing to be told anything, as though others had an idea about it.
:p Well, the 1st sentence has nothing to do with the paragraph.
It seems
people have managed to somehow ruin my life, anyway, but then again no one likes me forever. :p
What do people I talk to sometimes even think about?
What do people I talk to sometimes even think about?
Something That Doesn't Make Sense
Some people have experienced an abundance of good will while others suffer having virtually none their whole lives.
You had no right to literally transmit to me
and just me that I was a nigger.
You already yourself were not serious.
You have no right to feel the need for pity for someone doing something you told them to do.
You already yourself were not serious.
You have no right to feel the need for pity for someone doing something you told them to do.
People know they're wrong.
They're mean to me with an attitude and think no one will look at them funnily.
I would experience gratification in the action of calling someone who's quite mean to me in our relationship the "n" word, but I would never chose to do so, unless someone wanted to do it for fun, which is what some people forget is what happened, for some reason. There are still some crazy people about, but for the bulk of it I'm innocent now.
I would experience gratification in the action of calling someone who's quite mean to me in our relationship the "n" word, but I would never chose to do so, unless someone wanted to do it for fun, which is what some people forget is what happened, for some reason. There are still some crazy people about, but for the bulk of it I'm innocent now.
What happens when the dust clears
and you realize you've managed to humiliate someone?
You realize that they didn't do anything wrong, like repeatedly or whatever ... they might have done some things wrong but aren't ultimately bad.
I do try to keep respect, but I fear that people think I should like torture myself or act perverted because I as a person don't like being perverted, as though that were some kind of appropriate punishment for what I did.
Sometimes, I do get upset, but I actually try to keep that down. I just feel a bit hurt about being insulted racially.
You realize that they didn't do anything wrong, like repeatedly or whatever ... they might have done some things wrong but aren't ultimately bad.
I do try to keep respect, but I fear that people think I should like torture myself or act perverted because I as a person don't like being perverted, as though that were some kind of appropriate punishment for what I did.
Sometimes, I do get upset, but I actually try to keep that down. I just feel a bit hurt about being insulted racially.
Punishing People
People just ignore that the "n" word thing is not how they'd like to believe it is, to feel that it foils them.
I know
you're supposed to talk about things that you need to go through to figure out, like on a blog. When I got a site at a difference service, though, I was less inclined to talk, as much.
Every time I comment on something now
people ignore me. They think I'm bad. That's because they're wrong and afraid to admit it.
My life doesn't seem to have any purpose.
If that's how people feel, they should leave me alone.
I can't believe a lot of my relationships have been ruined. Can you like people and have them not do the right things to you, like you don't matter, when you've always been acknowledged as being okay and you try to be okay and people used to see that?
I need my life straightened out, now. I'm tired of listening to people who know they're wrong.
I can't believe a lot of my relationships have been ruined. Can you like people and have them not do the right things to you, like you don't matter, when you've always been acknowledged as being okay and you try to be okay and people used to see that?
I need my life straightened out, now. I'm tired of listening to people who know they're wrong.
Doing things
just because someone messed up and then ruining your life over it ... isn't nice. Some things don't agree with me, but I usually go back and revisit things nowadays. Also, it feels that people think my life is trash since I've started opening up or something.
MySpace Edits
I added a new description of something I did online and changed my height. ...I mean of when I 1st came online, near the top.
myspace.com/christina-barrett
myspace.com/christina-barrett
Well....
I was actually just trying to think that I guess now sometimes it's interesting when there are moments of silence.
I just took a shower and changed and put on make-up
and have my nail polish on. Ah! Kicks up feet in lawn chair on the beach.
Some people
just don't stop. It doesn't even matter if I did anything wrong, but they don't get what really happened.
Some people
complain to others about things that you do or at least insinuate it. It's not something you'd think they're supposed to do.
Like I insinuated yesterday
I don't see why certain people think they're on top of you, all of a sudden.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Oh, no!
I don't know what I was onto about the army but that I felt that things people do make me look funny and makes me feel like people want to hunt me down. There should be a solution.
Some people think it's okay to lie
just to make others happy, to show off. It's not something that's right, though.
I just figured out
the "n" word thing only happened because it was set up and I thought someone wanted me to do it.
People of Higher Statuses
and reputations, for whatever reason, feel they are right over you, when life really was made more for them. All white people today get life spoon fed to them and still are grumpy, where I'm the opposite.
Something I'm Not Sure Of
I wonder if it's because of hatred for me or by some coincidence that people care for others in ways that they think is inappropriate for you. I just sense a certain attitude like it's cool and like I can't or shouldn't say anything about it. I thought things like that were nice, but I don't want to be made to hate.
Singing
Before I was told to leave singing, I felt I could conquer a major opera role. I was 18. I went home and was able to sing like anyone, including, who I liked, Renée Fleming. I could sound exactly the same, especially singing at the same time. I made myself shy of myself. It wasn't school that laden-ed me but the way people were all acting when the 2005 and 2006 semesters ensued, but come 2006 and 2007 the magic died down, gradually.
I didn't know other people had the same problem I did.
They think of bad things automatically. Wow, THANKS A LOT.
I shouldn't listen to my parents.
My mom seems to want me to not accept things if they come up when they aren't supposed to, even though she does that.
My dad and little brother seem to want me to be affected when I have to make a decision to change my life to the point I'm maimed.
I don't really feel much, but I'm like a machine, a complicated machine, as are all people complicated.
My dad and little brother seem to want me to be affected when I have to make a decision to change my life to the point I'm maimed.
I don't really feel much, but I'm like a machine, a complicated machine, as are all people complicated.
So....
I never try to make people feel bad, but I've been made to feel like I'm tacky when I'm thinking of something I like.
So, why does it matter with me
about deserving something but not with others?
People have already figured the "n" word thing with me is a conspiracy and not an injury of the mind.
People have already figured the "n" word thing with me is a conspiracy and not an injury of the mind.
Who cares about this "n" word thing?
It's not a big deal to me in that it's not something important, it's not something that should be done.
I've always been respected for being right.
I'm tired of this disgusting influence of other people seeing into my life! I went to the gym yesterday, and almost every loser thought of the word "shit" or "lesbian" when they saw me going and leaving.
Why punish me for something that slips my mind?
When it's something you do around me?
Plus, why make punishment torture and injury?
Plus, why make punishment torture and injury?
So, did they know I'd get in trouble
theoretically when they told me to use the "n" word on them? Well, seemed to want me to, definitely, altogether, and they were being mean to me, also...?
People think this is the opportunity
to get at me.
I don't like when people toss up things and make them seem true in circumstance when at heart that's actually not how it is...
I don't like when people toss up things and make them seem true in circumstance when at heart that's actually not how it is...
I've always been considered a good person.
People think they can be sarcastic around me like the world means nothing, and when I try to be complicated and explain the meaning of the world in my words and actions I get slighted.
My standards have been lowered literally.
I thought I was a good person, but suddenly I don't matter, none of my thoughts nor dreams.
Favors
Some people are nice to you, but that doesn't mean you should ruin your life like everyone else because someone made a sacrifice for you, which you probably denied.
Some people are allowed to feel certain things
they shouldn't.
I know I've always dealt with my feelings.
People can't suddenly say they're better than me. Everyone's "better" in some way. I'm not to be extracted from the majority as the loser.
I know I've always dealt with my feelings.
People can't suddenly say they're better than me. Everyone's "better" in some way. I'm not to be extracted from the majority as the loser.
People get mad easily.
Obviously, I don't. I'm pretty picky, though, but that's merely a facet of my personality.
People With Obscure Figures
You know people who think they're more white, regardless of if they are or not, who have like slit eyes and sorta fat sagging though they have a bony figure? They think they hold some connection to how you're supposed to look but that they are above and beyond because they don't do it.
Playing Out Certain Looks
In the end, no culture is free to express themselves without having to worry about other cultures.
Non-European cultures tend to be overly stereotypical in a basic way.
Best let Europeans to their things.
Non-European cultures tend to be overly stereotypical in a basic way.
Best let Europeans to their things.
Latching Onto Me
If someone can make you feel guilty, they will suddenly poke at you for
everything they see you do wrong, but everybody makes mistakes.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I found out that Ellen DeGeneres is on summer break.
The show will be reruns until summer is over.
If you wanted proof, here's what I found: http://www.ask.com/answers/160332641/the-ellen-degeneres-show-has-not-come-on-for-four-weeks-now-it-s-just-reruns-am-i-wrong-or-right?qsrc=14106
I heard the last episode of her with Sophia Grace and Rosie saying the season was over. That was maybe 3 weeks ago.
If you wanted proof, here's what I found: http://www.ask.com/answers/160332641/the-ellen-degeneres-show-has-not-come-on-for-four-weeks-now-it-s-just-reruns-am-i-wrong-or-right?qsrc=14106
I heard the last episode of her with Sophia Grace and Rosie saying the season was over. That was maybe 3 weeks ago.
So, I realized
- oh, that lady does football! It's been raining, though, in the past few days.
I realized that with people bad things can come up if it comes to their mind so they don't mean the thought to you!
I realized that with people bad things can come up if it comes to their mind so they don't mean the thought to you!
There's this nice lady
who does theater. She's very big and has curly blonde hair. She's part Iroquois.
So, she's like my therapist and we talked about the movies and stuff.
She's on a rapport with me. She seems to understand I'm recuperating before I make my next move in community theater.
She encouraged me to do church choir and asked about private lessons as opposed to college... I guess, well, I know music and music history already from music school. It's just more labor.
So, she's like my therapist and we talked about the movies and stuff.
She's on a rapport with me. She seems to understand I'm recuperating before I make my next move in community theater.
She encouraged me to do church choir and asked about private lessons as opposed to college... I guess, well, I know music and music history already from music school. It's just more labor.
Grumpiness
It's hard to understand, but I've been told I was like that at times, like by my mom. It's just hard to understand. It's best not to mess with people like that nor when they're gonna be super-critical.
Where I Am Watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I started Friday's episode. I'm not so tired and only have 1 appointment tomorrow, 3 today. I ended up doing lunch and did start my laundry. I took a shower and am waiting for my nails to dry. I retreated to my room yesterday after the person left. I hope I get on a better sleeping schedule. I just hope my nails dry before the next 1|2 hour is up. So, I hope to watch 2 or 3 episodes of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" tonight. Who knows, though, maybe I'll go to sleep and catch up later since I have to wake up for an appointment tomorrow. I need time to get ready, too.
I guess it's best
to have respect for all other people.
You know, it's funny, I made myself out to be something but couldn't keep it going, but now I can.
You know, it's funny, I made myself out to be something but couldn't keep it going, but now I can.
People think
asking questions about what someone does that normally would be important to them in other cases is bad.
Monday, June 25, 2012
She also said
what if we had like a weekly schedule and seemed to realize that would be too much. She's about 1|2 year but 1 grade older than me.
I just finished the appointment.
I have a nice African-American lady. I said I could see her again in 2 weeks and don't want to keep doing it because I don't. I mean, she's nice, but I'm still in my room catching up on rest just communicating on the internet. Eventually, I refuse to keep up the pills.
It's also nice this girl said we could do stuff together.
I just feel like I need to rest. I am not even doing English online. I feel kinda bad, though, though she is a therapist and I wonder what a trip to Disney, like she mentioned last time, would be like. I asked if we were scheduling anything.
I feel my world isn't as interesting when I turn the corner, but I'm not supposed to really be going out other than the grocery store and the movies.
It's also nice this girl said we could do stuff together.
I just feel like I need to rest. I am not even doing English online. I feel kinda bad, though, though she is a therapist and I wonder what a trip to Disney, like she mentioned last time, would be like. I asked if we were scheduling anything.
I feel my world isn't as interesting when I turn the corner, but I'm not supposed to really be going out other than the grocery store and the movies.
So
nothing's ever supposed to go wrong. So, how am I supposed to accept otherwise? It seems not to be true.
I'm beginning not to enjoy myself.
I'm feeling old in a way and tired.
It's raining some.
Someone's coming to see me at 5. I'm just gonna throw on some black clothes to match my nail polish and put on makeup I guess around 4:30. Maybe, I'll go lie down. Set my alarm.
It's raining some.
Someone's coming to see me at 5. I'm just gonna throw on some black clothes to match my nail polish and put on makeup I guess around 4:30. Maybe, I'll go lie down. Set my alarm.
When Something Happens
You're supposed to adapt. It's not like you can do something without thinking. That means you're thinking about something and you have to think about it right. Every thing matters.
Lost Something
It seems like I've lost something since talking to my grandma. I mean I stopped. I kinda feel I have it, in a way.
What do you think of when people
say they mean one thing but then show they can accept another? I suppose some don't take to that. I think my life was more about me at one point, but it gets more refined.
So, like I was thinking
I don't mold myself into the offspring generation ... I can get someone in Orlando every time, which is no miracle ... they can't think I'm a nigger.
I mean I don't fit into a mold as an offspring generation and act like it's something. It's funny. I have done things like it out of respect, but that's not like the kind of person I am, in a way.
I mean I don't fit into a mold as an offspring generation and act like it's something. It's funny. I have done things like it out of respect, but that's not like the kind of person I am, in a way.
I'm thinking of what the message really is
and I'm fresh out of ideas. It's like I understand things that are going on. It's really time to do something. It's not time to like make up stuff or something. I'm fresh out of stamina. It seems that something is accused of me. Maybe, I've already experienced a lot of complex and brushed up things and need something different, dunno. Just seemed like the thing to do according to someone else. People have stopped a pattern with me, too. Some people just don't want to interact with me or at least not at a certain time. I have to go about that, it seems. I like to be interesting with other people.
I'll also try
to accept things as they are... I don't know if I'm supposed to attempt to understand what's going on because I don't think I can. It just seems like something had to be done. It's not really something I do, which is something I'm concerned about.
So... I guess we all
have ways of dealing with things we've done. I'm naturally certain ways or chose so early on so that later I transform myself into something else altogether but still have that base and vile way of going through things though it's not really reflected in my overall appearance though seen in my unrefined ways... ..
I guess
though not as young as some people, who are all kids, I mean like the people younger than me and around my age, that I'm in a spiteful mode.
Okay, well, so....
I do not at all get people who don't look like normally people would and instead like something I did like feel life is more about the serious deep non-fun things. I mean, when I was like that, I still cared what I looked like of course and though into traditional things kept a modern sentiment.
I'm glad that
my life's improved. I am annoyed at some things I have to do, like that I have appointments this week.
Though, it kinda grounds me. It tells me I can rest and get ready for it.
My life is a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I'm glad some things are over is all.
Though, it kinda grounds me. It tells me I can rest and get ready for it.
My life is a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I'm glad some things are over is all.
I can accept somethings
and see the meaning behind them. I just don't want to waste my time. I mean, I'm getting older and want to do something with my life. I have things for me that are fun.
I'm not literally wasting my time, but like I don't need to go through these riddles. I like riddles, but I mean the ones that are like ... well, they're okay, but they surprise me.
I just don't like being guilty of the "n" word thing. It's taken up too much of my life.
I'm not literally wasting my time, but like I don't need to go through these riddles. I like riddles, but I mean the ones that are like ... well, they're okay, but they surprise me.
I just don't like being guilty of the "n" word thing. It's taken up too much of my life.
It's okay to be sarcastic.
It seems like life means nothing now.
I don't see what's so funny about thinking you can do something bad in advance to make sure something else doesn't happen. I don't really have problems like that.
I can kinda see now, but I am not really having fun.
I don't see what's so funny about thinking you can do something bad in advance to make sure something else doesn't happen. I don't really have problems like that.
I can kinda see now, but I am not really having fun.
If you're wrong, don't do it, again.
Please, stop being sarcastic. You seem to have no respect for me.
They treat me like I'm *shit*
People from a certain area are very annoying.
I am also annoyed that after I was told enough was enough someone couldn't take it.
Some things really don't make sense.
People seem to want to simplify my life all together and literally rub things into my face, certain feelings I mean.
This is all because of something certain.
People need to quit bothering me.
Sometimes, you don't say certain things.
I see people really have an evil side.
I hate this! Leave me alone with this "n" word thing! It wasn't my idea!
People thing I need to treat others like the princess and the pea. They treat me like I'm *shit*
I am also annoyed that after I was told enough was enough someone couldn't take it.
Some things really don't make sense.
People seem to want to simplify my life all together and literally rub things into my face, certain feelings I mean.
This is all because of something certain.
People need to quit bothering me.
Sometimes, you don't say certain things.
I see people really have an evil side.
I hate this! Leave me alone with this "n" word thing! It wasn't my idea!
People thing I need to treat others like the princess and the pea. They treat me like I'm *shit*
Some people just don't want to admit the truth.
Like, they'd rather have you lie against them than admit that they're wrong.
I can't believe someone literally thinks that they can swindle me to make themselves look better. Like, make it look like I did something to them.
I can't believe someone literally thinks that they can swindle me to make themselves look better. Like, make it look like I did something to them.
What do you think of people who
suddenly come at you for something unsettled by them a long time ago? I mean like there's something you did and they never really did anything about it. Like, then, later it matters. Of course, it's not something that you started. It wasn't anything too bad in some ways, considering how highly suggestive the thing was that caused you to react the way you did. People seem to have a hold on that you should never think they're wrong or something, secretly. How do you do that? Just ignore it, I guess.
So....
I found it interesting Renée Fleming is from Pennsylvania and moved to New York state. I think my dad was more northern in northwestern Pennsylvania and I remember I think he moved between the places, starting and ending in Pennsylvania. Also, I think he was from more south southwestern New York. Now, my grandma and I think a lot of their family live in New York at the border between Pennsylvania, not at the very end near Ohio..
Wait a little late to discipline, eh?
Thought the thoughts down from your control room, and experience no guilt, eh?
I guess
I got upset. I know that things weren't the way they should be, and that's something everyone could think.
What to Do About It
Yes, I am obviously disillusioned, maybe for my own fault.
Well, I do change my ways and not do it again and rearrange my thinking to compliment others.
Well, I do change my ways and not do it again and rearrange my thinking to compliment others.
I feel like I'm bound, too.
It's like disappointing I could get away and people secretly want revenge but something different, like because things affect them in ways that I think they shouldn't, traditionally. I don't know who's perfect.
Doing Unusual ... Out of the Ordinary? ... Things for No Reason
I am expected to contend to certain levels of things that seem nice but that don't make sense, and people not in the situation anyway think that these phoney things are what's serious.
So, this morning...
I didn't eat breakfast with my dad though I was up. I had it around 3:45 A.M. Sometimes, it's better, he seems to think too, to just stay in my room.
People Got the Sign
People forgot they weren't supposed to make snap judgements, like judge people without being right and without thinking, knowing it's not really the right thing to do but maybe they're right. They get mad at you for making suggestions midway an insult from them.
Midway in Thought
I have a sign that sometimes because of this "n" word thing that happened to me or I did that sometimes people think that certain things have to be a certain way with me, but there's a sign that says that's when something's not as it should be.
It seems people are more attuned to me racially than before, but I've never vied to be very Chinese and so have no association with it.
It seems people are more attuned to me racially than before, but I've never vied to be very Chinese and so have no association with it.
Something That Really Annoys Me
I feel sometimes that people in Orlando and like my Grandma can feel for me physically and tap into ruining how I look in some way in a certain area.
Wondering
Now, I'm wondering if I should start again with the traditional music or if I need to get better at musical theater singing...
Beating the Ugliness Out of Me
Me not wanting to be bad but when startled in a bad way thinking of something a little bad ... does that work? I'm trying to get better anyway, so it's not like I'll get worse.
Actually
I'm very fast and dexterous now despite the twitching and I feel healthy from the psychiatric|mental|emotional medicine or whatever it is.
I realized something else.
I do wish everyone would get their butt on the computer.
I didn't actually have much of a life online until I was 21.
It's just that there were no big sites. I don't think enough people know about IMDb, now. I don't know, though.
I did find a good site once at age 11 but lost it and was sad and couldn't find anything else as good later. When Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came up, I was alert and posted about their next movies.
I didn't actually have much of a life online until I was 21.
It's just that there were no big sites. I don't think enough people know about IMDb, now. I don't know, though.
I did find a good site once at age 11 but lost it and was sad and couldn't find anything else as good later. When Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came up, I was alert and posted about their next movies.
Watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I will try to keep up, though I have appointments until Wednesday and
have problems sleeping, like on a certain schedule. I don't know about
others, but my life has gotten bad with sleeping from moving, as in
where I live, and homework. It lasted a long time without anything
changing enough.
I'll probably watch Friday's episode today when my parents leave for work and my brother, home from college, is sleeping.
I'm still kinda tired so may just post online and practice singing rather than jogging. I might jog in the evening. I'm apprehensive of meeting someone but will try not to keep them long.
I might have to get a keyboard, a little one, just to find the notes to practice some songs singing. I am wondering if I need to save my money and get the keyboard and music stand. Maybe, I will just get a little keyboard and assume I will memorize the music. I'm now working on songs I've already done. The other thing I wanted was a glow in the dark Nook, a machine used to read books on from Barnes & Noble. I had a Kindle, which is from Amazon.com, and it doesn't glow like a computer but somehow works. The glow is supposed to be nice.
So, I guess I'll take a shower when my parents leave for work... I'll eat some Chinese food they have, some more traditional Chinese food, rather than just rice and noodles, as usual.
Argh, there's a bug crawling in my water cup but not my tea cup.
So, yea, I'll probably be online rather than jogging. Maybe, I'll take a break from jogging, unless I feel like going out, until these appointments are through.
I'll probably watch Friday's episode today when my parents leave for work and my brother, home from college, is sleeping.
I'm still kinda tired so may just post online and practice singing rather than jogging. I might jog in the evening. I'm apprehensive of meeting someone but will try not to keep them long.
I might have to get a keyboard, a little one, just to find the notes to practice some songs singing. I am wondering if I need to save my money and get the keyboard and music stand. Maybe, I will just get a little keyboard and assume I will memorize the music. I'm now working on songs I've already done. The other thing I wanted was a glow in the dark Nook, a machine used to read books on from Barnes & Noble. I had a Kindle, which is from Amazon.com, and it doesn't glow like a computer but somehow works. The glow is supposed to be nice.
So, I guess I'll take a shower when my parents leave for work... I'll eat some Chinese food they have, some more traditional Chinese food, rather than just rice and noodles, as usual.
Argh, there's a bug crawling in my water cup but not my tea cup.
So, yea, I'll probably be online rather than jogging. Maybe, I'll take a break from jogging, unless I feel like going out, until these appointments are through.
My life was okay, before.
I pounded my wall once, I mean one hit, and it just sounded like I was frustrated. I went to a spa lady for my blackheads, though I wanted to stay in my room until I was better. She influenced me, then the "n" word thing happened. I ended up in the mental hospital. I hit my wall and things then. One time, I went. My mom acts like I'm fat and clumsy, and I felt bad. A lot of people ignore me for fun. I guess people just don't ... just aren't attuned to what I'm used to. That's people being influenced from living in Louisiana. I lived there, too. There are 2 sides to it, I guess. Most people there I don't get. They don't have a big imagination, in ways, I guess you could say. There are people in the city who seem like they have a bigger imagination. Obviously, they're also stunted. Florida is a little gross, too, though, not quite complete, neither. I don't feel so good about the northeast.
Getting in Trouble
I thought my life was an experiment at first because of voice. I also like ballet, too, but I had to quit anyway so I could finish growing. I wasn't happy short and gained weight from not having time to go to the gym. The ballet wasn't so great at that school, then. It was supposed to be pre-professional. I had a hard time only memorizing. She recommended me down.
So, I was told not to take voice and not to be in music education. That bothered me, and I didn't do well in school after that, for some reason. I should have gotten out of the religion classes... They made no sense. I didn't see any of the material learned in testing.
So, I finally stayed home and eventually went on the internet all day.
I bought some things with store cards that my parents aren't paying back. If I work, I'm supposed to pay it back. So, it's just a debt I still have. I used the money for like movies by the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I could get into him. I looked up the movie when I came home from up north during a hurricane down south at my real college. I saw the director and was like whoa. That guy is getting something done. Well, I also did visual arts since I was young and kinda did at least crafts a lot at the time. So, art impressing people was easy and I did it until 16. Eventually, I found out he also did The Nightmare Before Christmas, well, I guess I already know because of Corpse Bride.
So, then, I thought, since someone said her partner said their son would be gay from listening to Judy Garland ... and I think really they wanted me online to for fun call their daughter the "n" word my parents are always onto me, though now I even come out of my room to see them and eat, which before I didn't. I think they're regretting I went to the mental hospital now.
A few things have happened, like me getting mad at suggestions, but nothing big in a way. I don't buy too much, anymore. Like, at first, I used my money ... well, at college I ended up eating out sometimes because I couldn't stand the food anymore. I had gotten some ballet DVDs and stuff like that, I know a ballet book, I dunno. My dad used to buy me stuff, though, and my mom, too. I guess I got in trouble when I used the store cards. They just don't want to pay it back, but they pay for other things. Eventually, it'll get paid back. It'd be nice if I could at least get a temporary part time job. I tried to get one before but after I spent money on the ballet stuff, but they wanted to hire the people that needed the job. I also got turned down at Sears. I saw some good-looking black guys doing equipment there. I don't know what was wrong with me, then.
So, now, my parents and maybe others in the extended family get upset at me if I think something, like I'm still a good person even though the "n" word thing happened. I don't get it, really, for some reason. Like, I didn't want to do it, but then I get in trouble because well other people do it because maybe their families aren't really as good, which doesn't sound nice...
So, I was told not to take voice and not to be in music education. That bothered me, and I didn't do well in school after that, for some reason. I should have gotten out of the religion classes... They made no sense. I didn't see any of the material learned in testing.
So, I finally stayed home and eventually went on the internet all day.
I bought some things with store cards that my parents aren't paying back. If I work, I'm supposed to pay it back. So, it's just a debt I still have. I used the money for like movies by the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I could get into him. I looked up the movie when I came home from up north during a hurricane down south at my real college. I saw the director and was like whoa. That guy is getting something done. Well, I also did visual arts since I was young and kinda did at least crafts a lot at the time. So, art impressing people was easy and I did it until 16. Eventually, I found out he also did The Nightmare Before Christmas, well, I guess I already know because of Corpse Bride.
So, then, I thought, since someone said her partner said their son would be gay from listening to Judy Garland ... and I think really they wanted me online to for fun call their daughter the "n" word my parents are always onto me, though now I even come out of my room to see them and eat, which before I didn't. I think they're regretting I went to the mental hospital now.
A few things have happened, like me getting mad at suggestions, but nothing big in a way. I don't buy too much, anymore. Like, at first, I used my money ... well, at college I ended up eating out sometimes because I couldn't stand the food anymore. I had gotten some ballet DVDs and stuff like that, I know a ballet book, I dunno. My dad used to buy me stuff, though, and my mom, too. I guess I got in trouble when I used the store cards. They just don't want to pay it back, but they pay for other things. Eventually, it'll get paid back. It'd be nice if I could at least get a temporary part time job. I tried to get one before but after I spent money on the ballet stuff, but they wanted to hire the people that needed the job. I also got turned down at Sears. I saw some good-looking black guys doing equipment there. I don't know what was wrong with me, then.
So, now, my parents and maybe others in the extended family get upset at me if I think something, like I'm still a good person even though the "n" word thing happened. I don't get it, really, for some reason. Like, I didn't want to do it, but then I get in trouble because well other people do it because maybe their families aren't really as good, which doesn't sound nice...
My 1 Flaw
I guess, I am contending to a normal life. So, something I do most people aren't trained to do is ...
I just realized, it eventually took extra energy living on a campus, but I suppose it would still work out. I am wondering if I'm too old for what they do in college or if I'm behind.
... So, I post on line, a lot. I seem to always fit in music, singing. I used to do piano more. I dunno. Like, I played musicals, I guess, and was excited to do special music school in high school, Talented Music 2 years and 1 year Talented Theater and later a summer and year of weekends for music school at a big arts school in New Orleans.
Um... So, the only thing I'm worried about would be that I like both singing and posting online. I'm wondering about ballerinas. I think they can post online. I even don't think I should be a big reader, which I'm not. I've read things and have excelled, maybe posting online. I seem to post better than others though not as much, which is probably one of the deepest cuts for me. I didn't post online all growing up but did e-mail. I don't think that'd be why. I wasn't really a very bad person compared to others. Now, people I know aren't big even posting online, not even a blog, maybe. People just stopped using Facebook and MySpace. I am just so fascinated about keeping a daily blog to spew my hurt on. Otherwise, I guess if I became some sort of "musician" which includes singing that I'd post about it on my blog and not much else, though now I guess I post about the movies! I was worried because I think handwriting is a good thing that I'd keep a journal. You know, I got the soundtrack to Brave, the Pixar about the Celtic girl. So, I'm thinking of getting everything on iTunes and books even electronically. What else? Yea, there's Netflix online and even on TV now! So, yea, you can get movies on iTunes. I think I will do that. I want to get rid of my stuff. I do save my cards and even notes my parents give me at home. It's just nice to know exactly what you have. I do have some VHS's of clips of the Royal Ballet School doing The Nutcracker, also with the Royal Ballet, which is not sold and I think it's definitely a big thing. I don't know what's up. I know I started gymnastics at age 1 technically, age 1 3|4. I liked ballet but didn't do it my whole life, but I've always been doing piano or something. It's funny I even had time for that.
Anyway ... So, yea ... I shouldn't worry about it, but I do, I mean, I like living online and at the movies, a lot. I don't have to work so have time to sing. I guess that works out. I love singing and will always sing until I'm tired, maybe not technically, though that's what's usually happened, which I assume is what is normal? I know at the upstanding Jesuit school in New Orleans people didn't practice 1|2 hour a day like they were assigned to, mostly... The community college claims you need 4 certain kinds of songs prepared to audition, acting like younger people should flock, and that the minimum, not sure if this is even true, is to practice 1 hour a day, which sounds like a good amount - I think that practicing more than once a day works best. :| I don't wanna work while I'm in school. I'd take a loan. I just feel funny that even at a community college you practice 1 hour every day, no fail. It's probably because it's intended for the working adult. What about 45 minutes 5 days a week, or *at least* 20 minutes. I'm wondering because operas themselves are so long. It used to seem like a possibility. I'm not up for work with words. I guess that's why I did piano. Imagine people featured in movies don't have to work that much. Who pays attention to the opera, let alone even all the movies? What do people do for fun in life? People have it hard. I think I could do voice at a college... I did find I practiced maybe 3 hours a day and wanted to do more. I had 3 instruments, though. Maybe it was 1 hour, but I've practiced more than that. It's different when you're on a campus with no family and like no friends in a way.
Oh, thinking about the thing about visiting where we used to live in the nation's oldest continuing city, my dad wanted to stay at a hotel and eat at a nice restaurant next time. I assume we can go later.
So, I think that 1 hour of practicing every day is too much for a community college. I am offended they think it's a place for kids. People who go there have kids. I don't know what they mean, but it'd be nice if they do have a book of warm-ups. I did choir so thought I knew how to warm up. I started warming up again. I did when I woke up but I guess stopped to post this. 1 hour seems right for a community college. For a conservatory, I'm guessing they practice 2 1|2 hours a day plus go to 2 or 3 ensembles, other homework blah.
I guess I'm most upset I don't have the sweet innocent voice I once had as a teenager. I can kinda sing like I did in choir when I was a kid. It was a big time for me. Essentially, I'm still the same. I used to sing while I played mostly. I didn't even own The Phantom of the Opera, though. The instrumental part to Cats was interesting. That seems neat because at least the white cat also dances, though the white can doesn't sing alone. I wish I did voice. A lot of kids started in high school. I did an organ camp at Oberlin in northern Ohio, and they probably did piano or started with organ at 16 or 15 or maybe earlier. It was probably 15 or 16. I know I started playing around at 15, well, no, I just played it like a piano for church services and wasn't allowed to prepare, didn't even know the songs in advance. The people in charge of music and clerical work were fired along with that priest. The priest before was there for 30 years, and there were older people in the choir who were there 30 years.
I'm thinking the way I post online is juvenile and that I'll get over it. I dunno. I think the main thing in life is Hollywood. I realize there are some people that shine as one. I think it's funny you'll have like 3 or 4 theaters of the same movie, though. It must be expensive. I was thinking and even figured hey how everyone could be a movie star.
One big thing about me is that I well when I read about people from a long time ago, well, through the Little House Books and American Girl, that I wanted to be old-fashioned and wear dresses and boots. I stayed that way forever, though I was also into modern life. Who isn't? I was adamant about everything and for some reason stood out. I think gymnastics as a kid made me smart for life, though I wasn't on a team. I was ahead. I started at age 1 3|4.
So, the way I post online is kinda filler for my life. It is a main feature to me. So ...
... What was I gonna say? Um ... I think that I am still for some reason developing into a woman and hope I do. The talking online is good for my communication skills. I used to not. I get grumpy when I don't get to.
So, like, I like getting accounts for big movies or using one main one. It's fun to up your reputation, as a person. I don't like how people judge me for mistakes from the past that have some sort of an explanation.
I just realized, it eventually took extra energy living on a campus, but I suppose it would still work out. I am wondering if I'm too old for what they do in college or if I'm behind.
... So, I post on line, a lot. I seem to always fit in music, singing. I used to do piano more. I dunno. Like, I played musicals, I guess, and was excited to do special music school in high school, Talented Music 2 years and 1 year Talented Theater and later a summer and year of weekends for music school at a big arts school in New Orleans.
Um... So, the only thing I'm worried about would be that I like both singing and posting online. I'm wondering about ballerinas. I think they can post online. I even don't think I should be a big reader, which I'm not. I've read things and have excelled, maybe posting online. I seem to post better than others though not as much, which is probably one of the deepest cuts for me. I didn't post online all growing up but did e-mail. I don't think that'd be why. I wasn't really a very bad person compared to others. Now, people I know aren't big even posting online, not even a blog, maybe. People just stopped using Facebook and MySpace. I am just so fascinated about keeping a daily blog to spew my hurt on. Otherwise, I guess if I became some sort of "musician" which includes singing that I'd post about it on my blog and not much else, though now I guess I post about the movies! I was worried because I think handwriting is a good thing that I'd keep a journal. You know, I got the soundtrack to Brave, the Pixar about the Celtic girl. So, I'm thinking of getting everything on iTunes and books even electronically. What else? Yea, there's Netflix online and even on TV now! So, yea, you can get movies on iTunes. I think I will do that. I want to get rid of my stuff. I do save my cards and even notes my parents give me at home. It's just nice to know exactly what you have. I do have some VHS's of clips of the Royal Ballet School doing The Nutcracker, also with the Royal Ballet, which is not sold and I think it's definitely a big thing. I don't know what's up. I know I started gymnastics at age 1 technically, age 1 3|4. I liked ballet but didn't do it my whole life, but I've always been doing piano or something. It's funny I even had time for that.
Anyway ... So, yea ... I shouldn't worry about it, but I do, I mean, I like living online and at the movies, a lot. I don't have to work so have time to sing. I guess that works out. I love singing and will always sing until I'm tired, maybe not technically, though that's what's usually happened, which I assume is what is normal? I know at the upstanding Jesuit school in New Orleans people didn't practice 1|2 hour a day like they were assigned to, mostly... The community college claims you need 4 certain kinds of songs prepared to audition, acting like younger people should flock, and that the minimum, not sure if this is even true, is to practice 1 hour a day, which sounds like a good amount - I think that practicing more than once a day works best. :| I don't wanna work while I'm in school. I'd take a loan. I just feel funny that even at a community college you practice 1 hour every day, no fail. It's probably because it's intended for the working adult. What about 45 minutes 5 days a week, or *at least* 20 minutes. I'm wondering because operas themselves are so long. It used to seem like a possibility. I'm not up for work with words. I guess that's why I did piano. Imagine people featured in movies don't have to work that much. Who pays attention to the opera, let alone even all the movies? What do people do for fun in life? People have it hard. I think I could do voice at a college... I did find I practiced maybe 3 hours a day and wanted to do more. I had 3 instruments, though. Maybe it was 1 hour, but I've practiced more than that. It's different when you're on a campus with no family and like no friends in a way.
Oh, thinking about the thing about visiting where we used to live in the nation's oldest continuing city, my dad wanted to stay at a hotel and eat at a nice restaurant next time. I assume we can go later.
So, I think that 1 hour of practicing every day is too much for a community college. I am offended they think it's a place for kids. People who go there have kids. I don't know what they mean, but it'd be nice if they do have a book of warm-ups. I did choir so thought I knew how to warm up. I started warming up again. I did when I woke up but I guess stopped to post this. 1 hour seems right for a community college. For a conservatory, I'm guessing they practice 2 1|2 hours a day plus go to 2 or 3 ensembles, other homework blah.
I guess I'm most upset I don't have the sweet innocent voice I once had as a teenager. I can kinda sing like I did in choir when I was a kid. It was a big time for me. Essentially, I'm still the same. I used to sing while I played mostly. I didn't even own The Phantom of the Opera, though. The instrumental part to Cats was interesting. That seems neat because at least the white cat also dances, though the white can doesn't sing alone. I wish I did voice. A lot of kids started in high school. I did an organ camp at Oberlin in northern Ohio, and they probably did piano or started with organ at 16 or 15 or maybe earlier. It was probably 15 or 16. I know I started playing around at 15, well, no, I just played it like a piano for church services and wasn't allowed to prepare, didn't even know the songs in advance. The people in charge of music and clerical work were fired along with that priest. The priest before was there for 30 years, and there were older people in the choir who were there 30 years.
I'm thinking the way I post online is juvenile and that I'll get over it. I dunno. I think the main thing in life is Hollywood. I realize there are some people that shine as one. I think it's funny you'll have like 3 or 4 theaters of the same movie, though. It must be expensive. I was thinking and even figured hey how everyone could be a movie star.
One big thing about me is that I well when I read about people from a long time ago, well, through the Little House Books and American Girl, that I wanted to be old-fashioned and wear dresses and boots. I stayed that way forever, though I was also into modern life. Who isn't? I was adamant about everything and for some reason stood out. I think gymnastics as a kid made me smart for life, though I wasn't on a team. I was ahead. I started at age 1 3|4.
So, the way I post online is kinda filler for my life. It is a main feature to me. So ...
... What was I gonna say? Um ... I think that I am still for some reason developing into a woman and hope I do. The talking online is good for my communication skills. I used to not. I get grumpy when I don't get to.
So, like, I like getting accounts for big movies or using one main one. It's fun to up your reputation, as a person. I don't like how people judge me for mistakes from the past that have some sort of an explanation.
Why I Might Be Entertaining
I do like acting too and feel I've sung and played the piano a lot, not sure how much I've done things compared to others, like including some ballet which I kept up until I turned 21.
My favorite music, since I was a bit dorky, was children's music, folk songs, and church music. Later, I got into pop and musicals.
I did music education in college. A big thing for me was like music for children, I guess, or something like that, that everyone should sing I agreed.
My favorite music, since I was a bit dorky, was children's music, folk songs, and church music. Later, I got into pop and musicals.
I did music education in college. A big thing for me was like music for children, I guess, or something like that, that everyone should sing I agreed.
Entertaining Songs
Songs like "Moon River," "Suo Gân," "The Ash Grove," "Greensleeves," and maybe others I even know are good to sing. Even things like "Suwannee River" might cover a real traditional singer's repertoire.
... You know, I might seem like gay trash in singing *ahahaha* I mean like I'm all up to what's proper but don't sing much. Part of the reason I quit college was so I could sing on my own... Maybe, I just need to move the keyboard to my room now that my dad does not use it. Anyway, how shall I say this, when I took singing in college, I thought the kids were very much like sucking up but still very casual.
I didn't really take a break in singing when I was 12 and 13 when I moved when there was no children's choir. Oh, and I was too shy to start singing in front of someone. I looked different, too, than before because I quit gymnastics. The music teacher's daughter where I lived before also did gymnastics. I went with her once but decided not to go back. My mom, brother, and I would walk around the city, which was the oldest continuing city in the U.S., and that kept me even skinnier than when I did gymnastics. It was in northeastern Florida. It was glorious! Ah! There was a sea breeze often, I think, like anywhere in the city, but it was 95 degrees F. For some reason, that was pretty hot, well yea that is. It seems hotter than here in Orlando. Maybe Orlando has a higher level of land.
The musical songs supposedly are for amateurs, I think. I talked to a girl in voice who was younger than me when I was still in grade school, and I think she said it as musical theater that is louder singing that ruins your voice or something. I always grew up hearing it was pop. Still, people go off and alter their voices and I guess just do it for fun, which makes sense, though I assume all this still means that there are pop singing things that don't ruin your voice.
I guess, I've found that musical theater songs don't have to be sung in a way that ruins your voice and that it's more entertaining to others. I like looking up people singing like "All I Ask of You" and things like from The Phantom of the Opera. I found a nice video of a girl singing "The Trout," or Die Forelle by Schubert. This is interesting. It's an old recording of it. It just shows you what life was like a long time ago... YouTube
You know, one reason I didn't post online was because I had a busy life, including getting homework moving from southeastern and northeastern Florida to Louisiana. *ahahaha* So, when I finally posted online, I had a buildup of things I've done in life to go off for like forever. I feel a bit tackled now, I must say. *looks from side to side* You know, I've been sleeping awhile and started to feel, which was interesting. At first, I had a dream someone I've known awhile was there, and then I just felt. I don't feel now. I feel, in a way. I feel like I'm in trouble all the time. Um. People have been mean to me, but no one makes a big deal out of it. Everything I've done was a misunderstanding or something like that. So, I always thought oh I could sing online if I get bored and I have all day to practice. For some reason, I didn't want to do the classical songs. I did, but I didn't get the books until later. My dad wanted a music stand, and I don't want to take it back because he uses it. I'll have to buy one in the next month or 2. It's almost July already, I can hardly believe. Ever since I stopped calling my grandma every night for 45 minutes, I've felt like time goes by very quickly. I can't believe we've straddled the middle of the month. It's like I'm old now and time is nothing. *Wah* I was just thinking about death. So, in bed, hard to believe I slept that long, I was just like tossing from side to side. Somehow, it ended up being a long time. I did used to feel something from my blanket, but lately I liked to ignore feeling anything, though at least I wasn't suffering. I don't know when I'll go back to sleep, but someone's coming to see me at 5 I think about doing theater, for psychiatric reasons. I don't think I'm gonna do it, but I dunno. It'll just be an offer. I don't like this being in the limelight in my family. They always look at me like I have to dedicate my life to when other people were the ones even to make me think they wanted me to use the "n" word with them. It's always about that, and it's been over 2 years. *glares* You know, from what I just said they'd think I was wrong to say that. They're the ones who start trouble. For some reason I was just thinking we haven't been to the nation's oldest city this year. My brother wanted to leave the little oldest school house earlier somehow since more people came in, and it was $5. I asked my mom about it, at first. I came home and asked my dad why he was acting funnily for awhile and then he made me take more medicine, took me to the psychiatrist, though he's lowered the dosage. My parents are sick. They don't like to have to tell us what to do, and most people wouldn't get mad like that. People in public just are influenced these days to not like me. Wow, $5, and there was a reason, though I wanted to go back and see something, again. Now, you realize, which when I realize something people agree but not if it's a point about me not being in trouble about the "n" word thing, well people just forget everything and realize they don't know what they're doing exactly. I guess I have to admit my parents feel pushed about the "n" word thing. That's really too bad. I don't contend with it. I'm not the only one in danger. :( I wish this didn't happen. My life means something to me.
So, yes... I feel a bit old to be *learning* singing, I admit. I just don't feel like it now because I'm terrible, probably because of the "n" word thing. I started singing after it but didn't record enough. I was 23. I'm 26, now. I just turned 26 a month ago. I even was considering going back to college. I guess I don't need to do theater. I'm happy the way things are, going to the movies and posting online. I'm excited about cooking more now. I am having fun jogging. It's just gotten hot, and that gives me even more of a workout.
You know, I feel a bit crazy. I just realized I might have Jewish, but I also know I'm Native American, so ... but my mom is just Chinese-Indonesian. With my dad, it's all from his mom, I think. I'm pretty sure his dad isn't indian. My grandma has been more harsh since the "n" word thing. I told my aunt, too, if I called her at night to read the Bible I might go to sleep later, which can be bad for me and my intentions. I did want to work. It's hard, though, being mixed race, and I guess we have an issue with money. I'm happy being a normal person, though, but wish that we had like a nicer life in some way. People in Orlando are very extroverted. It can work out. It's probably smarter than a lot of places, still. They seem to get to the issue, but, when you get down to it, they're tacky sometimes.
It seems I should have done singing when I was younger, seriously, and took voice. I didn't have enough time for piano and got in trouble, like was told I was bad by my Russian teacher. I had too much homework and had just moved from Florida to Louisiana. That area in Louisiana has the lowest level of education, though, in the U.S., and Florida, is 2nd from there. It's funny during the hurricane I couldn't read their music history. Also, I was supposed to go to dance but didn't and missed a family reunion for the audition. My shoes were too small and hurt, and I left. This was like 2 years ago, quite depressing.
... You know, I might seem like gay trash in singing *ahahaha* I mean like I'm all up to what's proper but don't sing much. Part of the reason I quit college was so I could sing on my own... Maybe, I just need to move the keyboard to my room now that my dad does not use it. Anyway, how shall I say this, when I took singing in college, I thought the kids were very much like sucking up but still very casual.
I didn't really take a break in singing when I was 12 and 13 when I moved when there was no children's choir. Oh, and I was too shy to start singing in front of someone. I looked different, too, than before because I quit gymnastics. The music teacher's daughter where I lived before also did gymnastics. I went with her once but decided not to go back. My mom, brother, and I would walk around the city, which was the oldest continuing city in the U.S., and that kept me even skinnier than when I did gymnastics. It was in northeastern Florida. It was glorious! Ah! There was a sea breeze often, I think, like anywhere in the city, but it was 95 degrees F. For some reason, that was pretty hot, well yea that is. It seems hotter than here in Orlando. Maybe Orlando has a higher level of land.
The musical songs supposedly are for amateurs, I think. I talked to a girl in voice who was younger than me when I was still in grade school, and I think she said it as musical theater that is louder singing that ruins your voice or something. I always grew up hearing it was pop. Still, people go off and alter their voices and I guess just do it for fun, which makes sense, though I assume all this still means that there are pop singing things that don't ruin your voice.
I guess, I've found that musical theater songs don't have to be sung in a way that ruins your voice and that it's more entertaining to others. I like looking up people singing like "All I Ask of You" and things like from The Phantom of the Opera. I found a nice video of a girl singing "The Trout," or Die Forelle by Schubert. This is interesting. It's an old recording of it. It just shows you what life was like a long time ago... YouTube
You know, one reason I didn't post online was because I had a busy life, including getting homework moving from southeastern and northeastern Florida to Louisiana. *ahahaha* So, when I finally posted online, I had a buildup of things I've done in life to go off for like forever. I feel a bit tackled now, I must say. *looks from side to side* You know, I've been sleeping awhile and started to feel, which was interesting. At first, I had a dream someone I've known awhile was there, and then I just felt. I don't feel now. I feel, in a way. I feel like I'm in trouble all the time. Um. People have been mean to me, but no one makes a big deal out of it. Everything I've done was a misunderstanding or something like that. So, I always thought oh I could sing online if I get bored and I have all day to practice. For some reason, I didn't want to do the classical songs. I did, but I didn't get the books until later. My dad wanted a music stand, and I don't want to take it back because he uses it. I'll have to buy one in the next month or 2. It's almost July already, I can hardly believe. Ever since I stopped calling my grandma every night for 45 minutes, I've felt like time goes by very quickly. I can't believe we've straddled the middle of the month. It's like I'm old now and time is nothing. *Wah* I was just thinking about death. So, in bed, hard to believe I slept that long, I was just like tossing from side to side. Somehow, it ended up being a long time. I did used to feel something from my blanket, but lately I liked to ignore feeling anything, though at least I wasn't suffering. I don't know when I'll go back to sleep, but someone's coming to see me at 5 I think about doing theater, for psychiatric reasons. I don't think I'm gonna do it, but I dunno. It'll just be an offer. I don't like this being in the limelight in my family. They always look at me like I have to dedicate my life to when other people were the ones even to make me think they wanted me to use the "n" word with them. It's always about that, and it's been over 2 years. *glares* You know, from what I just said they'd think I was wrong to say that. They're the ones who start trouble. For some reason I was just thinking we haven't been to the nation's oldest city this year. My brother wanted to leave the little oldest school house earlier somehow since more people came in, and it was $5. I asked my mom about it, at first. I came home and asked my dad why he was acting funnily for awhile and then he made me take more medicine, took me to the psychiatrist, though he's lowered the dosage. My parents are sick. They don't like to have to tell us what to do, and most people wouldn't get mad like that. People in public just are influenced these days to not like me. Wow, $5, and there was a reason, though I wanted to go back and see something, again. Now, you realize, which when I realize something people agree but not if it's a point about me not being in trouble about the "n" word thing, well people just forget everything and realize they don't know what they're doing exactly. I guess I have to admit my parents feel pushed about the "n" word thing. That's really too bad. I don't contend with it. I'm not the only one in danger. :( I wish this didn't happen. My life means something to me.
So, yes... I feel a bit old to be *learning* singing, I admit. I just don't feel like it now because I'm terrible, probably because of the "n" word thing. I started singing after it but didn't record enough. I was 23. I'm 26, now. I just turned 26 a month ago. I even was considering going back to college. I guess I don't need to do theater. I'm happy the way things are, going to the movies and posting online. I'm excited about cooking more now. I am having fun jogging. It's just gotten hot, and that gives me even more of a workout.
You know, I feel a bit crazy. I just realized I might have Jewish, but I also know I'm Native American, so ... but my mom is just Chinese-Indonesian. With my dad, it's all from his mom, I think. I'm pretty sure his dad isn't indian. My grandma has been more harsh since the "n" word thing. I told my aunt, too, if I called her at night to read the Bible I might go to sleep later, which can be bad for me and my intentions. I did want to work. It's hard, though, being mixed race, and I guess we have an issue with money. I'm happy being a normal person, though, but wish that we had like a nicer life in some way. People in Orlando are very extroverted. It can work out. It's probably smarter than a lot of places, still. They seem to get to the issue, but, when you get down to it, they're tacky sometimes.
It seems I should have done singing when I was younger, seriously, and took voice. I didn't have enough time for piano and got in trouble, like was told I was bad by my Russian teacher. I had too much homework and had just moved from Florida to Louisiana. That area in Louisiana has the lowest level of education, though, in the U.S., and Florida, is 2nd from there. It's funny during the hurricane I couldn't read their music history. Also, I was supposed to go to dance but didn't and missed a family reunion for the audition. My shoes were too small and hurt, and I left. This was like 2 years ago, quite depressing.
Some people really don't care about me.
The world is beyond them. They just have fetishes and make fun of me at certain times, like if I got mad at a certain time for a certain reason, if something like that happens again things aren't okay. I never get mad for no reason. People really get to me in Orlando and before online. I wonder if I'd get mad online if I posted more about race, again. Probably not... Those people stopped bothering me... I did take a break from posting at that place. My other thing I do more lately is singing and sometimes I posted it there. I don't have anything good enough to feature on the Classical Music boards. The General Music boards are busy. I guess we should post ourselves on the board, though I suppose some people refrain from respect, though that's not necessarily how it is.
Learning New Songs
I only did much voice lessons for a year. I was told not to take them anymore because, though accurate they mentioned, I was too shy or unexpressive. That confuses me. I honestly heard the voice professors sing, and they weren't like extra excited. I was very bewildered, but they were beyond bubbly though not silly as people. The kids just seemed like they were copying opera stars, like they hadn't really sung much. One went to a choir school maybe at 10 years old, 5th grade. Like, it seemed like maybe when you copy an accent but don't get into it completely. They sounded good and probably improved as time went along. I guess people could also be stark. Overall, it seemed like I was the best. Maybe I had the most multidimensional voice, at the time.
I figured there were 1 or 2 reasons I never took voice. I told my parents I wanted to sing in kindergarten, but we didn't do anything. By the time I was 7 ... I told my mom "I want to sing somehow." So, when I was 5, I was awake to singing. I was allowed in choir at 8, 3rd grade. I moved for 7th grade, and there was no choir, but I was allowed to join the adult choir at church when I asked starting high school. I was the youngest one and was in it all of high school and quit for college and moving during a hurricane. I was probably gonna move, anyway ... my brother and mom were gonna stay so we didn't miss relationships and activities ... my dad had to get a new job somewhere else. I didn't do choir when I came home from college to stay, at least for awhile, because I was soo tired for a long time, to this day. I don't know why I haven't caught up on sleep loss of 10 years. I had a hard time at first and didn't think to post on online message boards when I had nothing to do. We did get a keyboard and I kept forgetting about karaoke. I knew a lot of songs from musicals and a few folk songs.
I think I will do the songs I already know, re-look up the Italian after I do the English ones. I suppose the English ones would help, anyway, since I don't speak Italian. I am interested in learning another|other language|s. So, the voice teacher in college said to like pick a language and that she still couldn't get hers, German, though she was in Germany for 20 years. That really confuses me because I thought I got it the first day. We only did much Italian, though, because Italian was the class they offered the 2nd semester, the 1st being a general get to know you kind of class... which was fun, but I always felt guilty because why would I be there as a music education major? I don't know about secondary instruments, but I took piano and organ, as well as voice. I auditioned for piano and organ, and I was allowed to major in either and, perhaps, if I had time to prepare, I would get in voice, judging from the other kids. I've gained a stronger voice from being allowed to sing in college.
I figured there were 1 or 2 reasons I never took voice. I told my parents I wanted to sing in kindergarten, but we didn't do anything. By the time I was 7 ... I told my mom "I want to sing somehow." So, when I was 5, I was awake to singing. I was allowed in choir at 8, 3rd grade. I moved for 7th grade, and there was no choir, but I was allowed to join the adult choir at church when I asked starting high school. I was the youngest one and was in it all of high school and quit for college and moving during a hurricane. I was probably gonna move, anyway ... my brother and mom were gonna stay so we didn't miss relationships and activities ... my dad had to get a new job somewhere else. I didn't do choir when I came home from college to stay, at least for awhile, because I was soo tired for a long time, to this day. I don't know why I haven't caught up on sleep loss of 10 years. I had a hard time at first and didn't think to post on online message boards when I had nothing to do. We did get a keyboard and I kept forgetting about karaoke. I knew a lot of songs from musicals and a few folk songs.
I think I will do the songs I already know, re-look up the Italian after I do the English ones. I suppose the English ones would help, anyway, since I don't speak Italian. I am interested in learning another|other language|s. So, the voice teacher in college said to like pick a language and that she still couldn't get hers, German, though she was in Germany for 20 years. That really confuses me because I thought I got it the first day. We only did much Italian, though, because Italian was the class they offered the 2nd semester, the 1st being a general get to know you kind of class... which was fun, but I always felt guilty because why would I be there as a music education major? I don't know about secondary instruments, but I took piano and organ, as well as voice. I auditioned for piano and organ, and I was allowed to major in either and, perhaps, if I had time to prepare, I would get in voice, judging from the other kids. I've gained a stronger voice from being allowed to sing in college.
17-18 hours of sleep
I needed to catch up fro the past 2 days. I finally got up because I felt myself twitching some from the psychiatric medicine.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
I meant!
telling us they don't mind if we do something we wouldn't do otherwise because it will backfire. I don't know where this started. Is there something we're supposed to do that we can't?
This is not a good time to be making suggestions.
Well, I found out what it was about. Pretty much, you're supposed to be as accurate as possible, or else you're out. Like, I posted online, but I wasn't satisfying enough, not valuable enough, yet. I feel better about myself now.
It's whoever calls the police first.
The other person didn't call so aren't honest about being with someone guilty.
I guess I can take a break from singing.
I have a long way to go. I can't do ballet much now, but I work out. I'm thinking of reading. I enjoyed reading the synopsizes of movies.
Moving
The whole problem with my life moving was people thought I should have done dance team, and the 2nd year wasn't as stimulating.
Telling someone they're wrong who's not
is very stimulating.
Well, somme people ... just go about thinking there's nothing to think about and that certain people can act how they want around them, I guess, and others can't who mean well. They don't see all sides of the issue. They are foreign to what they think they're teaching you, and it never made sense.
Well, somme people ... just go about thinking there's nothing to think about and that certain people can act how they want around them, I guess, and others can't who mean well. They don't see all sides of the issue. They are foreign to what they think they're teaching you, and it never made sense.
I don't want anyone to get hurt.
How can what I do hurt other people, just explaining when they're wrong? Like the ways it's not right. I never willed that on anyone. People just need to forget their problems. They are genuine, but all this is not how it's meant to be. Blame people who do things wrong. It always works.
I've realized that
I'm better off at home than in college.
I thought my dad was using they keyboard. I lost my piano, my home, and my memories in the flood, literally!
I might bring the keyboard in here. I am so lazy and yet don't feel up to looking up words in Italian.
I thought my dad was using they keyboard. I lost my piano, my home, and my memories in the flood, literally!
I might bring the keyboard in here. I am so lazy and yet don't feel up to looking up words in Italian.
The DVD Thing
I just wanted something to do I guess. I had a feeling. I guess that feeling was wrong. I don't know why. I think it was simply because I was told to do it. I mean, I'm allowed to. I mean, really, maybe it doesn't change anything. I guess I should have realized the situation. I have another situation. Kate Bush has released lots of new CDs, and I want to get a Nook next month and for some reason don't have much money. Also, I want to buy a book online, now. Anyway, iTunes lets you enjoy songs one at a time and still get a discount as you complete the CD. I don't have enough money! :( I don't have clothes! I wasted my money on stuff I don't like, proving I should have already bought these things. I've bought all of Viggo Mortensen's, well the beginning 10 or something, DVDs but have been living life just watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and picking at other things to do somehow.
I'm thinking I've done something awful.
I think the problem is I will not live my life in limbo not talking about anything I want. I can't even do what I want in private what's agreed upon with another person. Anyway, I can shut up, but some things are important to know, and writing them out helps me. Who's gonna care? I can think it. I shouldn't, but it settles the issue for me. I thought it was right because I don't understand it. If someone doesn't want me to say something doesn't mean it's the right thing. It might be important. I can't think unless I think out loud, and I have a need to communicate. People are gonna find out, anyway, I mean like the things that are going on in general. I don't know how to deal with this, but I'm not rude in what I do. I was just treated wrongly myself, and there was no reason for it. Maybe, in a way, there was.
I think the mistake|s people made are like in punishing me for the "n" word thing. I can't believe the world. If you'll notice, I mean, I've said that they wanted to do it and they did. So what? I won't do it again because it's not cool. I'm just being treated sorta stupidly. It's not good for other people to live like this. I really see a lot in other people. I don't feel popular, but it's good, I don't want to be.
I'm thinking I've done something awful.
I think the problem is I will not live my life in limbo not talking about anything I want. I can't even do what I want in private what's agreed upon with another person. Anyway, I can shut up, but some things are important to know, and writing them out helps me. Who's gonna care? I can think it. I shouldn't, but it settles the issue for me. I thought it was right because I don't understand it. If someone doesn't want me to say something doesn't mean it's the right thing. It might be important. I can't think unless I think out loud, and I have a need to communicate. People are gonna find out, anyway, I mean like the things that are going on in general. I don't know how to deal with this, but I'm not rude in what I do. I was just treated wrongly myself, and there was no reason for it. Maybe, in a way, there was.
I think the mistake|s people made are like in punishing me for the "n" word thing. I can't believe the world. If you'll notice, I mean, I've said that they wanted to do it and they did. So what? I won't do it again because it's not cool. I'm just being treated sorta stupidly. It's not good for other people to live like this. I really see a lot in other people. I don't feel popular, but it's good, I don't want to be.
So, I was
and am well aware that sometimes I've gotten feelings growing up that I want to get it out, the worst of my personality, but that is not something I do, now nor on purpose! I am, in now ay a perv, and I respect what is set up in life. Too bad about the "n" word thing. Who cares about me, now? Well, what do people want to happen to me? Wait for some lunatic to kill me because I stand out because of the "n" word thing? Well, I guess I can get over it. Thanks, for broadcasting my true feelings in the matter.
Being Made Fun Of
I don't remember ... maybe it was my being like a classical|traditional I mean old-fashioned person and the "n" word thing that people sense from me... It was tough a bit. I just reacted in the end that I don't fashion up myself for anyone sexually, like look like a young person who has a typical look that shows they're like a doll version of their elders or something, or like a more stimulated, more warped version of their parents, like an overly happy version of an older generation.
Johnny Depp literally
wants everyone to forget about their family and staying young. He is saying that you're nothing if you're not famous now.
It - is - not time for me to "start" anything! :D Getting together with family who have caused me to get mad every time I see them somehow, in ways I forget and making me feel bad or is it just me? I haven't even seen my grandma up north since I was fif teen. I loved going up, but my life changed. I've been hibernating and had active summers in school.
It - is - not time for me to "start" anything! :D Getting together with family who have caused me to get mad every time I see them somehow, in ways I forget and making me feel bad or is it just me? I haven't even seen my grandma up north since I was fif teen. I loved going up, but my life changed. I've been hibernating and had active summers in school.
I always saw-
Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter as being like other people. I guess me also coming from a similar place as Johnny and having a non-Caucasian mom has taken its toll.
People are just interested in heritage. I know Ellen DeGeneres is from Metarie (sp?) and I'm from Slidell. I'm a Slidell person. Metarie is close, but it's very different. They're both suburbs of New Orleans.
People are just interested in heritage. I know Ellen DeGeneres is from Metarie (sp?) and I'm from Slidell. I'm a Slidell person. Metarie is close, but it's very different. They're both suburbs of New Orleans.
Whittling Me Away
like a pig preparing for its own slaughter.
*looks from side to side*
Okay, I can do this.
People are afraid to interact with me, and I want to know what they want of me. It's fun to feel nothing.
*looks from side to side*
Okay, I can do this.
People are afraid to interact with me, and I want to know what they want of me. It's fun to feel nothing.
I was thinking...
...So, yea, I know Renée Fleming moved to northwestern New York state, and Chloë Moretz also moved to New York but New York City, from Georgia, from Atlanta. So, she's only lived in major cities. My dad's family I think are only from southwestern New York but ancestrally and mostly from northwestern Pennsylvania.
I can't be too mad. I guess I'm just gonna have to be who I am. Wait, why did I say that?
I can't be too mad. I guess I'm just gonna have to be who I am. Wait, why did I say that?
So, I guess people need to basically
realize they don't do certain details that they should do.
I was thinking of race. I don't know that England seems so perfect. You never know what ethnicity someone is.
I grew up thinking that people were always always mad at me for not stretching what I do in that I was too good. I guess I just about had it at some point. If that person wants you to be bad to them then they do. Instead, the world is fooling you.
I was thinking of race. I don't know that England seems so perfect. You never know what ethnicity someone is.
I grew up thinking that people were always always mad at me for not stretching what I do in that I was too good. I guess I just about had it at some point. If that person wants you to be bad to them then they do. Instead, the world is fooling you.
Like My Dad
I think that my grandma doesn't actually tell you what she's doing to you and just does it. Just because of the "n" word thing, I think she has become more critical concerning me but does things she'd do anyway regardless of me. She acts sorry after she seems upset with me. My family questions my existence. That is completely inappropriate and out of the question. I hardly relate to my brother. It's big I let him have his life. I even go outwards from people I'm related to. I am a real person. I even live with magic. I see things in patterns. I do the right thing... I don't see what the big deal is, with someone, about a kid's existence. I feel a bit arrested about my brother having kids, like he's mad at me about something someone I know did... like I did it on purpose. He can chose to react how he wants. That's his fault, but in a way I guess it's really no one's fault.
I don't see ... well, I see people are excited to critique me and have trashed my life in some literal or abstract sense, literally.
I see that people don't care that they're not prepared to do something very complex. I am thinking of Chloë Moretz. She moved to NYC. She doesn't think and figure like me. Then, I'm thinking of Ellen DeGeneres. She doesn't, neither. I think I'm not getting quite right out of the show what seems important, thinking of things like this, which makes me concerned, about her.
So, people just don't want me to get attention.
Hm. I am curious.
I don't like this. I mean, people don't want me to exist. They think I am a sin and that all I deserve is Hell. All I can say is I don't approve of what all they do... :/ Hm. Maybe, I'm making some of it up. People just don't get I didn't want to do the "n" word thing and explained how it could be avoided, but I was convinced, literally, that words are just words. I would never use the "n" word on someone, but I thought someone since using the word gay wanted to get me to use the "n" word on their kid online. I think that them calling the older kid, a boy, gay, would affect them.
Well, ... I think a lot of people like me and admire me. People think what I do is just sin. I don't really want my life to be cheap. I want it to be real.
I am curious. There aren't many kids in my family my age nor older. I did not chose to be born. That's all.
People seem big on the idea that working is the only thing that matters.
People think that it's unfair I exist. I've always paved the way for others to get attention from those that I love. Now, people are trying to like get me not to take up space. I was in college.
It's funny, you know, I have 2 aunts on my dad's side, and they didn't have kids until after me because for some reason it seems they didn't marry and have kids younger. On my mom's side, I have an aunt who is 16 years older than me. She lives in Indonesia, and I asked my mom how many recently born sons she has, but she said she only had 3 when she had I think 5.
People have treated me like I'm a sin. Thank you so much for the "n" word situation, like I'm bad enough to represent I'd do that otherwise. It might not be tactful for me to say, but I'm just saying in general. It shouldn't be anyone's fault. Who knew? I did.
People have mistreated me all my life. It's like they think they're a person and I'm not.
Thinking, I can see now that maybe my life is fun. I can live with my parents if I want. It seems that my life is empty.
... You know ... Hey, if my life is a sin, then whose isn't?
It's funny, in my family my parents are closer to their families than me, though I live with them and go out with my dad, often. I don't know why it seems that ... I am very curious about the sexual relationship of my parents. You know, I don't feel much... Hm. Ever since that lady looked at me funnily when I was thinking a good thought I stopped feeling much.
I don't believe that I deserve anything bad. I've been mistreated, but I'm pretty much on target personality-wise compared to other people.
People just pick at what doesn't seem attractive in me.
PEOPLE I AM NOT A SIN.
People care about others more than me and don't realize that until they've done their deed.
I am not worthless. I have made it.
I had to make myself a person. Wow, do to me what you sin. It's no secret. Sometimes, you say things, when things are harder than they should be, but people have been picking at me like I don't mean anything. I do everything for a reason when I can't figure it out. Don't go in secret and be dishonest with me. I didn't do anything wrong. I know people who have. I guess people just don't want me to exist. Why not rat on some other person? Don't think you own me. I am not a sin, and even if I was had in sin it wouldn't matter. People need a guide, so they need me. How sick is that? I mean, it's funny they think that's not okay, that like if I got more attention people wouldn't be as jealous because they'd be more like me in ways of things they don't understand. People in this area ...
Ugh!
Even kids think they can outdo me, but I just chose not to ruin their life. I do things in silence!
I am curious that some people think they can control your life. It seems like it's people who know more about you. I wonder why I am so easy to control. I wanted to live life like everyone else, but it seems I was not bestowed with love, properly, like I've been tossed around emotionally.
If my parents had me in sin does not mean I can be tortured. You don't do this to anyone else, and it's all because of the pointless "n" word thing.
Wow, thanks for ruining my life. It's not my fault you are like complaining about your life.
Even my dad gets bored of me. In ways, he doesn't.
I'm mad now about the "n" word thing on my birthday. That lady. Ugh...
I'm wondering why my parents had me, and I guess it was to be proud of their kids and show off how our life is but still say like I don't count because I'm Chinese and Chinese are always good, like I wasn't good on my own. Like it's unfair to other kids. I guess people see others having kids and decide to follow and make their kids one step better. It's better in what they consider better, which is probably just a difference from other parents.
Now, I'm thinking. People seem to think I'm bad. I am thinking of something that happened as a coincidence or outside advising. It was something that was said that relates to this. I went to the concert of an Irish singer. I follow her online, but she doesn't post there much anymore. I hadn't gotten her Christmas CD yet because I never had enough money and was intimidated to ask my parents for any money. So, at the concert, my dad bought it for me. So, I didn't want to have her see I hadn't seen her CD yet because she'd recognize me. I had been posting on her site, too, which I assume no one cared about it'd seem, just to socialize as people do. So, maybe not the best experience, sharing things with her fans. So, anyway, my dad and aunt told me to get the Christmas CD signed, so I did. So, it wasn't really my fault. I didn't know quite how bad it was if I thought it was bad and I was told very much to get it signed. Now, people think I'm worthless and simple and have been able to read into me. It's like ...
Okay, so people because of the "n" word thing are going into in great length and experience that they, well can't get everything, but that they're in the right and I'm in the wrong. -Not to jump at anything: I know that's not what we learn is right, not what we learn in church, neither. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I knew what I was doing. It's hard on me, though, anyone would know.
Ah! I forgot what else I was going to say.
Oh, I don't believe ...
Oh, so you want to know why I brought up some things? I figured I was considered worthless for the CD thing, that I had no point in existing. It's because I was thought I was worthless. I don't know, though.
Fine, go ahead and call me a nigger. I'm not gonna be one. I'd rather be called one.
So, anyway, it seems people have always assured me when I inquired that I was good, but now they're secretly punishing me because they know I can figure myself out of any guilt. I never even did anything wrong on purpose. I did what I was supposed to do and was not told otherwise. People are too lazy to care about what bothers them.
In school, we didn't do much, neither.
So, I don't approve of the perverted messages I get and people thinking they can get away with saying they respect me. It's just because of the thing where I didn't feel well in college probably because people were going crazy over Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Danny Elfman for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I guess people will have to ... I dunno.
And then the "n" word thing. It seems all people want is to insult me. Why don't people get someone acted like they wanted to do it TO LEARN. I didn't do it at first because I was like okay I'll just get called that back, DUH. I don't even need to think about that. Yes, they wanted it. I wouldn't do it for anyone now, though, like to get me in trouble.
I really am not a bad person. I always cared that I was doing the right thing. I don't know why people are so racist against me.
People have always treated me like a nigger. It's very hard to not be affected because I was. My life wasn't so great. I don't know how to feel anymore, affectively. I feel better, though. Maybe, I need a break from what things were like. It's all because of the racism online and what happened in real life that I got kicked out of my major and voice lessons. I really believed my life was an experiment and then that things were magic. Still, there are reasons and I've sorta whipped the thinking into shape. You don't make it so that it's all set up you want someone to do something you don't want them to do that they can't tell. I wasn't able to think it through. It was in case I would do it by accident. It seems that people upon meeting me felt more encouraged to rub in feelings. I'll just have to ignore that and just hope no one affects my life. It's sick people think they can actually plot against me. I guess I'm just a good person.
I feel ignored because people have families. I'm not really with my parents so so much. I do it because it's good quality time. I am a worldly person, though, but it's true I don't get much in way of feelings in my time in the world and now no fun. I'm not sure in lieu what's wrong.
I used to go to clubs every night. I was well-liked.
I like all people a lot, but I feel I can't be trusted.
xp
I don't see ... well, I see people are excited to critique me and have trashed my life in some literal or abstract sense, literally.
I see that people don't care that they're not prepared to do something very complex. I am thinking of Chloë Moretz. She moved to NYC. She doesn't think and figure like me. Then, I'm thinking of Ellen DeGeneres. She doesn't, neither. I think I'm not getting quite right out of the show what seems important, thinking of things like this, which makes me concerned, about her.
So, people just don't want me to get attention.
Hm. I am curious.
I don't like this. I mean, people don't want me to exist. They think I am a sin and that all I deserve is Hell. All I can say is I don't approve of what all they do... :/ Hm. Maybe, I'm making some of it up. People just don't get I didn't want to do the "n" word thing and explained how it could be avoided, but I was convinced, literally, that words are just words. I would never use the "n" word on someone, but I thought someone since using the word gay wanted to get me to use the "n" word on their kid online. I think that them calling the older kid, a boy, gay, would affect them.
Well, ... I think a lot of people like me and admire me. People think what I do is just sin. I don't really want my life to be cheap. I want it to be real.
I am curious. There aren't many kids in my family my age nor older. I did not chose to be born. That's all.
People seem big on the idea that working is the only thing that matters.
People think that it's unfair I exist. I've always paved the way for others to get attention from those that I love. Now, people are trying to like get me not to take up space. I was in college.
It's funny, you know, I have 2 aunts on my dad's side, and they didn't have kids until after me because for some reason it seems they didn't marry and have kids younger. On my mom's side, I have an aunt who is 16 years older than me. She lives in Indonesia, and I asked my mom how many recently born sons she has, but she said she only had 3 when she had I think 5.
People have treated me like I'm a sin. Thank you so much for the "n" word situation, like I'm bad enough to represent I'd do that otherwise. It might not be tactful for me to say, but I'm just saying in general. It shouldn't be anyone's fault. Who knew? I did.
People have mistreated me all my life. It's like they think they're a person and I'm not.
Thinking, I can see now that maybe my life is fun. I can live with my parents if I want. It seems that my life is empty.
... You know ... Hey, if my life is a sin, then whose isn't?
It's funny, in my family my parents are closer to their families than me, though I live with them and go out with my dad, often. I don't know why it seems that ... I am very curious about the sexual relationship of my parents. You know, I don't feel much... Hm. Ever since that lady looked at me funnily when I was thinking a good thought I stopped feeling much.
I don't believe that I deserve anything bad. I've been mistreated, but I'm pretty much on target personality-wise compared to other people.
People just pick at what doesn't seem attractive in me.
PEOPLE I AM NOT A SIN.
People care about others more than me and don't realize that until they've done their deed.
I am not worthless. I have made it.
I had to make myself a person. Wow, do to me what you sin. It's no secret. Sometimes, you say things, when things are harder than they should be, but people have been picking at me like I don't mean anything. I do everything for a reason when I can't figure it out. Don't go in secret and be dishonest with me. I didn't do anything wrong. I know people who have. I guess people just don't want me to exist. Why not rat on some other person? Don't think you own me. I am not a sin, and even if I was had in sin it wouldn't matter. People need a guide, so they need me. How sick is that? I mean, it's funny they think that's not okay, that like if I got more attention people wouldn't be as jealous because they'd be more like me in ways of things they don't understand. People in this area ...
Ugh!
Even kids think they can outdo me, but I just chose not to ruin their life. I do things in silence!
I am curious that some people think they can control your life. It seems like it's people who know more about you. I wonder why I am so easy to control. I wanted to live life like everyone else, but it seems I was not bestowed with love, properly, like I've been tossed around emotionally.
If my parents had me in sin does not mean I can be tortured. You don't do this to anyone else, and it's all because of the pointless "n" word thing.
Wow, thanks for ruining my life. It's not my fault you are like complaining about your life.
Even my dad gets bored of me. In ways, he doesn't.
I'm mad now about the "n" word thing on my birthday. That lady. Ugh...
I'm wondering why my parents had me, and I guess it was to be proud of their kids and show off how our life is but still say like I don't count because I'm Chinese and Chinese are always good, like I wasn't good on my own. Like it's unfair to other kids. I guess people see others having kids and decide to follow and make their kids one step better. It's better in what they consider better, which is probably just a difference from other parents.
Now, I'm thinking. People seem to think I'm bad. I am thinking of something that happened as a coincidence or outside advising. It was something that was said that relates to this. I went to the concert of an Irish singer. I follow her online, but she doesn't post there much anymore. I hadn't gotten her Christmas CD yet because I never had enough money and was intimidated to ask my parents for any money. So, at the concert, my dad bought it for me. So, I didn't want to have her see I hadn't seen her CD yet because she'd recognize me. I had been posting on her site, too, which I assume no one cared about it'd seem, just to socialize as people do. So, maybe not the best experience, sharing things with her fans. So, anyway, my dad and aunt told me to get the Christmas CD signed, so I did. So, it wasn't really my fault. I didn't know quite how bad it was if I thought it was bad and I was told very much to get it signed. Now, people think I'm worthless and simple and have been able to read into me. It's like ...
Okay, so people because of the "n" word thing are going into in great length and experience that they, well can't get everything, but that they're in the right and I'm in the wrong. -Not to jump at anything: I know that's not what we learn is right, not what we learn in church, neither. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I knew what I was doing. It's hard on me, though, anyone would know.
Ah! I forgot what else I was going to say.
Oh, I don't believe ...
Oh, so you want to know why I brought up some things? I figured I was considered worthless for the CD thing, that I had no point in existing. It's because I was thought I was worthless. I don't know, though.
Fine, go ahead and call me a nigger. I'm not gonna be one. I'd rather be called one.
So, anyway, it seems people have always assured me when I inquired that I was good, but now they're secretly punishing me because they know I can figure myself out of any guilt. I never even did anything wrong on purpose. I did what I was supposed to do and was not told otherwise. People are too lazy to care about what bothers them.
In school, we didn't do much, neither.
So, I don't approve of the perverted messages I get and people thinking they can get away with saying they respect me. It's just because of the thing where I didn't feel well in college probably because people were going crazy over Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Danny Elfman for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I guess people will have to ... I dunno.
And then the "n" word thing. It seems all people want is to insult me. Why don't people get someone acted like they wanted to do it TO LEARN. I didn't do it at first because I was like okay I'll just get called that back, DUH. I don't even need to think about that. Yes, they wanted it. I wouldn't do it for anyone now, though, like to get me in trouble.
I really am not a bad person. I always cared that I was doing the right thing. I don't know why people are so racist against me.
People have always treated me like a nigger. It's very hard to not be affected because I was. My life wasn't so great. I don't know how to feel anymore, affectively. I feel better, though. Maybe, I need a break from what things were like. It's all because of the racism online and what happened in real life that I got kicked out of my major and voice lessons. I really believed my life was an experiment and then that things were magic. Still, there are reasons and I've sorta whipped the thinking into shape. You don't make it so that it's all set up you want someone to do something you don't want them to do that they can't tell. I wasn't able to think it through. It was in case I would do it by accident. It seems that people upon meeting me felt more encouraged to rub in feelings. I'll just have to ignore that and just hope no one affects my life. It's sick people think they can actually plot against me. I guess I'm just a good person.
I feel ignored because people have families. I'm not really with my parents so so much. I do it because it's good quality time. I am a worldly person, though, but it's true I don't get much in way of feelings in my time in the world and now no fun. I'm not sure in lieu what's wrong.
I used to go to clubs every night. I was well-liked.
I like all people a lot, but I feel I can't be trusted.
xp
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