New Video of Me Singing

YouTube

Did you ever get yourself really upset

and end up giving clues?  D:  I guess there's no reason|sense in being upset.  I guess I just blew up and got over my anger.  |:  That's good that it shouldn't happen again.

I just asked him a question

about bringing something up initially.

So, I was hoping

my dad would fix the fact that he got something stuck in my head.  He just likes to make me feel guilty all the time because of the stupid "n" word thing.

I realized

not to get upset at someone saying something I might remember because everyone does that.  Also, people seem to fade it in their memory with other things.  I did not know that.

I noticed

no one ever talks about how they feel.

Like, I feel like I'm surrounded by this feeling or something.

Back to Basics

I'm not sure what that is, but it seems people can say something is a certain way from the most base thinking possible, which is a good thing to be able to rehash.

* * *

Importance of What You Do

It's a signal for people to communicate.

It's originally what's at stake because people can't control everything you do if you're on the platform.

Why respect people out of fear?

Why not be good to the good guys?

Some people

find something wrong with everything you do.

I don't like my life to be dug into.

I miss when I was respected.

It's just that things have changed so much for me.

I didn't know I was hurting my brother

until a pause after closing the door, but he seemed to feel pretty bad.  I suppose he's not that bad, though our relationship can get out of hand.

What about thinking "Well, at least I did it..."

when you are trying to do something good but want it to also mean a punishment?  Sometimes, it goes the other way around.

I don't see anything about me that needs punishment.  The "n" word thing is already highly overstated and wasn't even my idea, don't think it's the coolest thing you could do, nor that it's okay.

I got mad

at my dad for treating him better, a bit much, after talking to my grandma.

I think I hurt my brother.

I was really stimulated and closed the car door in a way that probably hurt his feelings.

People seem to think nothing matters.

I thought we had reached a certain level.

You know

people do things by accident when they are mad.

Also, there are ways to do something wrong to someone in a certain situation.  I can't think of anyone who's not really worth anything, worth keeping alive.

Goals

It took a long time for me to get it, but it seems that people are happy about my situation and know I'll never have things the way they should be.  That's a bit suggestive.

So, you'll want to get good at

shrugging off things and assuming they're not going to be your fault.

I was going to say something else, too, but forgot.

D: Priceless

I don't know what could be suggested from words, but I know that words don't describe anything and didn't mean certain things in certain ways.  On different levels, I suppose I should care for my actions.  I realized there are some things I can't do.  I don't know, though, if I should do them.  :|

Hm. I'm impressed, actually.

So, Netflix or iTunes?

I don't see what I did that was so horrible that

I don't even deserve to get the relief of like, which doesn't make sense, ... ?: ... doing something to try to make up for it because the gratification wouldn't be worth it.

Well, I suppose I can accept

that certain things happen.  However, I suppose there are better ways things could happen, if one only knew.  I hope I'm not really out to get people.  I don't think I am.  I've sacrificed for a lot, you know, but I suppose so have others.

So

I only wear my good new pajamas after I've taken a shower.  I wonder if I'll be so engaged tonight I won't take a shower.  I've of course already taken my medicine.

So!

You can actually do something wrong if someone else in the world did something wrong, too.  It doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want!

Hospital

As a human, I openly told my dad he was making me feel violent.  He didn't have an answer!

Like, my mouse hand is getting stimulated..

I can't trust you, anymore.

...I can't trust anyone else.  If you wanted someone to curse with you, do you believe in like seeing if they do it already and if they might doing without using words not talking to you directly or being a bit indirect in their motives?

Also, I wanted to be able to trust "good" older people but grew up thinking I couldn't.  Some people don't want to lay down what will and will not happen, but maybe that's because ...

I noticed I need a little reassurance pointedly but don't feel like pointedly crying over anything.

I'm really mad, now!

QUIT DOING ILLEGAL THINGS TO ME AND ACTING LIKE I DESERVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE.

I'm mad about the Twitter thing.

Anyway, so I was thinking of getting a glow-in-the-dark Nook.  My dad brought up something about the book Snow White in relation to the movie.  I asked him about it because I thought he was trying to make me think of it when I got my Nook, and he wasn't like in a proper|good mood or whatever for some reason..  So, I took it badly, to say, and then he said "figure" like he wasn't even thinking, though I believe he "did it on purpose" with no purpose maybe, and then he said "book" like he sounded like thinking of a kid book.  I blew up following that experience and he was making threats at me about medicine after I said I might call the police on him, being that they call the police on me when I get mad that they're not admitting they're being very suggestive to me.  See, there is always a reason.

It's funny Twitter is even logged in now.

I don't agree with anyone who believes they can punish nor stimulate me.

For the 1st time, I tested it out, and I didn't have to log in.

I'm also wondering if some people are overly touchy-feely.  Like, think about the fact that they caused something.  Do I deserve to be punished like killed?

Blogger and Twitter

The Twitter tab used to close after posting my last blog post, but now it doesn't!  I looked up if it would get published automatically, and it just gave the same site that only posts posts every 15 minutes at best.

For some reason, my hands are kinda shaking typing and I don't feel as happy doing it in my hands.  It's mainly the left one.

Today, my dad's been acting like to annoy me extra good to my brother all of a sudden and it's after talking to my grandma|his mom.  She seems to be acting like I'm bad all of a sudden because of the "n" word thing and that maybe everything is okay with someone else in the family, instead, like in relation to the mishap with the "n" word I had.

Punishment

Sometimes, people don't realize what they're doing is what deserves to be punished.  It's things they can't help.  It's certain decisions they might have happened to make.  It's things that are obscure, in a way, that don't make sense.

Lesson Learned

It's always this way.  People get me into a situation where I'm comfortable with them, give some fluffy obscure warning ... and then sorta ditch the whole situation.

I think someone learned something very special tonight, that sometimes it's no one's fault and that there doesn't have to be a bad guy.  I got that loong ago!