Monday, June 25, 2012
She also said
what if we had like a weekly schedule and seemed to realize that would be too much. She's about 1|2 year but 1 grade older than me.
I just finished the appointment.
I have a nice African-American lady. I said I could see her again in 2 weeks and don't want to keep doing it because I don't. I mean, she's nice, but I'm still in my room catching up on rest just communicating on the internet. Eventually, I refuse to keep up the pills.
It's also nice this girl said we could do stuff together.
I just feel like I need to rest. I am not even doing English online. I feel kinda bad, though, though she is a therapist and I wonder what a trip to Disney, like she mentioned last time, would be like. I asked if we were scheduling anything.
I feel my world isn't as interesting when I turn the corner, but I'm not supposed to really be going out other than the grocery store and the movies.
It's also nice this girl said we could do stuff together.
I just feel like I need to rest. I am not even doing English online. I feel kinda bad, though, though she is a therapist and I wonder what a trip to Disney, like she mentioned last time, would be like. I asked if we were scheduling anything.
I feel my world isn't as interesting when I turn the corner, but I'm not supposed to really be going out other than the grocery store and the movies.
So
nothing's ever supposed to go wrong. So, how am I supposed to accept otherwise? It seems not to be true.
I'm beginning not to enjoy myself.
I'm feeling old in a way and tired.
It's raining some.
Someone's coming to see me at 5. I'm just gonna throw on some black clothes to match my nail polish and put on makeup I guess around 4:30. Maybe, I'll go lie down. Set my alarm.
It's raining some.
Someone's coming to see me at 5. I'm just gonna throw on some black clothes to match my nail polish and put on makeup I guess around 4:30. Maybe, I'll go lie down. Set my alarm.
When Something Happens
You're supposed to adapt. It's not like you can do something without thinking. That means you're thinking about something and you have to think about it right. Every thing matters.
Lost Something
It seems like I've lost something since talking to my grandma. I mean I stopped. I kinda feel I have it, in a way.
What do you think of when people
say they mean one thing but then show they can accept another? I suppose some don't take to that. I think my life was more about me at one point, but it gets more refined.
So, like I was thinking
I don't mold myself into the offspring generation ... I can get someone in Orlando every time, which is no miracle ... they can't think I'm a nigger.
I mean I don't fit into a mold as an offspring generation and act like it's something. It's funny. I have done things like it out of respect, but that's not like the kind of person I am, in a way.
I mean I don't fit into a mold as an offspring generation and act like it's something. It's funny. I have done things like it out of respect, but that's not like the kind of person I am, in a way.
I'm thinking of what the message really is
and I'm fresh out of ideas. It's like I understand things that are going on. It's really time to do something. It's not time to like make up stuff or something. I'm fresh out of stamina. It seems that something is accused of me. Maybe, I've already experienced a lot of complex and brushed up things and need something different, dunno. Just seemed like the thing to do according to someone else. People have stopped a pattern with me, too. Some people just don't want to interact with me or at least not at a certain time. I have to go about that, it seems. I like to be interesting with other people.
I'll also try
to accept things as they are... I don't know if I'm supposed to attempt to understand what's going on because I don't think I can. It just seems like something had to be done. It's not really something I do, which is something I'm concerned about.
So... I guess we all
have ways of dealing with things we've done. I'm naturally certain ways or chose so early on so that later I transform myself into something else altogether but still have that base and vile way of going through things though it's not really reflected in my overall appearance though seen in my unrefined ways... ..
I guess
though not as young as some people, who are all kids, I mean like the people younger than me and around my age, that I'm in a spiteful mode.
Okay, well, so....
I do not at all get people who don't look like normally people would and instead like something I did like feel life is more about the serious deep non-fun things. I mean, when I was like that, I still cared what I looked like of course and though into traditional things kept a modern sentiment.
I'm glad that
my life's improved. I am annoyed at some things I have to do, like that I have appointments this week.
Though, it kinda grounds me. It tells me I can rest and get ready for it.
My life is a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I'm glad some things are over is all.
Though, it kinda grounds me. It tells me I can rest and get ready for it.
My life is a bit hard and uncomfortable, but I'm glad some things are over is all.
I can accept somethings
and see the meaning behind them. I just don't want to waste my time. I mean, I'm getting older and want to do something with my life. I have things for me that are fun.
I'm not literally wasting my time, but like I don't need to go through these riddles. I like riddles, but I mean the ones that are like ... well, they're okay, but they surprise me.
I just don't like being guilty of the "n" word thing. It's taken up too much of my life.
I'm not literally wasting my time, but like I don't need to go through these riddles. I like riddles, but I mean the ones that are like ... well, they're okay, but they surprise me.
I just don't like being guilty of the "n" word thing. It's taken up too much of my life.
It's okay to be sarcastic.
It seems like life means nothing now.
I don't see what's so funny about thinking you can do something bad in advance to make sure something else doesn't happen. I don't really have problems like that.
I can kinda see now, but I am not really having fun.
I don't see what's so funny about thinking you can do something bad in advance to make sure something else doesn't happen. I don't really have problems like that.
I can kinda see now, but I am not really having fun.
If you're wrong, don't do it, again.
Please, stop being sarcastic. You seem to have no respect for me.
They treat me like I'm *shit*
People from a certain area are very annoying.
I am also annoyed that after I was told enough was enough someone couldn't take it.
Some things really don't make sense.
People seem to want to simplify my life all together and literally rub things into my face, certain feelings I mean.
This is all because of something certain.
People need to quit bothering me.
Sometimes, you don't say certain things.
I see people really have an evil side.
I hate this! Leave me alone with this "n" word thing! It wasn't my idea!
People thing I need to treat others like the princess and the pea. They treat me like I'm *shit*
I am also annoyed that after I was told enough was enough someone couldn't take it.
Some things really don't make sense.
People seem to want to simplify my life all together and literally rub things into my face, certain feelings I mean.
This is all because of something certain.
People need to quit bothering me.
Sometimes, you don't say certain things.
I see people really have an evil side.
I hate this! Leave me alone with this "n" word thing! It wasn't my idea!
People thing I need to treat others like the princess and the pea. They treat me like I'm *shit*
Some people just don't want to admit the truth.
Like, they'd rather have you lie against them than admit that they're wrong.
I can't believe someone literally thinks that they can swindle me to make themselves look better. Like, make it look like I did something to them.
I can't believe someone literally thinks that they can swindle me to make themselves look better. Like, make it look like I did something to them.
What do you think of people who
suddenly come at you for something unsettled by them a long time ago? I mean like there's something you did and they never really did anything about it. Like, then, later it matters. Of course, it's not something that you started. It wasn't anything too bad in some ways, considering how highly suggestive the thing was that caused you to react the way you did. People seem to have a hold on that you should never think they're wrong or something, secretly. How do you do that? Just ignore it, I guess.
So....
I found it interesting Renée Fleming is from Pennsylvania and moved to New York state. I think my dad was more northern in northwestern Pennsylvania and I remember I think he moved between the places, starting and ending in Pennsylvania. Also, I think he was from more south southwestern New York. Now, my grandma and I think a lot of their family live in New York at the border between Pennsylvania, not at the very end near Ohio..
Wait a little late to discipline, eh?
Thought the thoughts down from your control room, and experience no guilt, eh?
I guess
I got upset. I know that things weren't the way they should be, and that's something everyone could think.
What to Do About It
Yes, I am obviously disillusioned, maybe for my own fault.
Well, I do change my ways and not do it again and rearrange my thinking to compliment others.
Well, I do change my ways and not do it again and rearrange my thinking to compliment others.
I feel like I'm bound, too.
It's like disappointing I could get away and people secretly want revenge but something different, like because things affect them in ways that I think they shouldn't, traditionally. I don't know who's perfect.
Doing Unusual ... Out of the Ordinary? ... Things for No Reason
I am expected to contend to certain levels of things that seem nice but that don't make sense, and people not in the situation anyway think that these phoney things are what's serious.
So, this morning...
I didn't eat breakfast with my dad though I was up. I had it around 3:45 A.M. Sometimes, it's better, he seems to think too, to just stay in my room.
People Got the Sign
People forgot they weren't supposed to make snap judgements, like judge people without being right and without thinking, knowing it's not really the right thing to do but maybe they're right. They get mad at you for making suggestions midway an insult from them.
Midway in Thought
I have a sign that sometimes because of this "n" word thing that happened to me or I did that sometimes people think that certain things have to be a certain way with me, but there's a sign that says that's when something's not as it should be.
It seems people are more attuned to me racially than before, but I've never vied to be very Chinese and so have no association with it.
It seems people are more attuned to me racially than before, but I've never vied to be very Chinese and so have no association with it.
Something That Really Annoys Me
I feel sometimes that people in Orlando and like my Grandma can feel for me physically and tap into ruining how I look in some way in a certain area.
Wondering
Now, I'm wondering if I should start again with the traditional music or if I need to get better at musical theater singing...
Beating the Ugliness Out of Me
Me not wanting to be bad but when startled in a bad way thinking of something a little bad ... does that work? I'm trying to get better anyway, so it's not like I'll get worse.
Actually
I'm very fast and dexterous now despite the twitching and I feel healthy from the psychiatric|mental|emotional medicine or whatever it is.
I realized something else.
I do wish everyone would get their butt on the computer.
I didn't actually have much of a life online until I was 21.
It's just that there were no big sites. I don't think enough people know about IMDb, now. I don't know, though.
I did find a good site once at age 11 but lost it and was sad and couldn't find anything else as good later. When Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came up, I was alert and posted about their next movies.
I didn't actually have much of a life online until I was 21.
It's just that there were no big sites. I don't think enough people know about IMDb, now. I don't know, though.
I did find a good site once at age 11 but lost it and was sad and couldn't find anything else as good later. When Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came up, I was alert and posted about their next movies.
Watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I will try to keep up, though I have appointments until Wednesday and
have problems sleeping, like on a certain schedule. I don't know about
others, but my life has gotten bad with sleeping from moving, as in
where I live, and homework. It lasted a long time without anything
changing enough.
I'll probably watch Friday's episode today when my parents leave for work and my brother, home from college, is sleeping.
I'm still kinda tired so may just post online and practice singing rather than jogging. I might jog in the evening. I'm apprehensive of meeting someone but will try not to keep them long.
I might have to get a keyboard, a little one, just to find the notes to practice some songs singing. I am wondering if I need to save my money and get the keyboard and music stand. Maybe, I will just get a little keyboard and assume I will memorize the music. I'm now working on songs I've already done. The other thing I wanted was a glow in the dark Nook, a machine used to read books on from Barnes & Noble. I had a Kindle, which is from Amazon.com, and it doesn't glow like a computer but somehow works. The glow is supposed to be nice.
So, I guess I'll take a shower when my parents leave for work... I'll eat some Chinese food they have, some more traditional Chinese food, rather than just rice and noodles, as usual.
Argh, there's a bug crawling in my water cup but not my tea cup.
So, yea, I'll probably be online rather than jogging. Maybe, I'll take a break from jogging, unless I feel like going out, until these appointments are through.
I'll probably watch Friday's episode today when my parents leave for work and my brother, home from college, is sleeping.
I'm still kinda tired so may just post online and practice singing rather than jogging. I might jog in the evening. I'm apprehensive of meeting someone but will try not to keep them long.
I might have to get a keyboard, a little one, just to find the notes to practice some songs singing. I am wondering if I need to save my money and get the keyboard and music stand. Maybe, I will just get a little keyboard and assume I will memorize the music. I'm now working on songs I've already done. The other thing I wanted was a glow in the dark Nook, a machine used to read books on from Barnes & Noble. I had a Kindle, which is from Amazon.com, and it doesn't glow like a computer but somehow works. The glow is supposed to be nice.
So, I guess I'll take a shower when my parents leave for work... I'll eat some Chinese food they have, some more traditional Chinese food, rather than just rice and noodles, as usual.
Argh, there's a bug crawling in my water cup but not my tea cup.
So, yea, I'll probably be online rather than jogging. Maybe, I'll take a break from jogging, unless I feel like going out, until these appointments are through.
My life was okay, before.
I pounded my wall once, I mean one hit, and it just sounded like I was frustrated. I went to a spa lady for my blackheads, though I wanted to stay in my room until I was better. She influenced me, then the "n" word thing happened. I ended up in the mental hospital. I hit my wall and things then. One time, I went. My mom acts like I'm fat and clumsy, and I felt bad. A lot of people ignore me for fun. I guess people just don't ... just aren't attuned to what I'm used to. That's people being influenced from living in Louisiana. I lived there, too. There are 2 sides to it, I guess. Most people there I don't get. They don't have a big imagination, in ways, I guess you could say. There are people in the city who seem like they have a bigger imagination. Obviously, they're also stunted. Florida is a little gross, too, though, not quite complete, neither. I don't feel so good about the northeast.
Getting in Trouble
I thought my life was an experiment at first because of voice. I also like ballet, too, but I had to quit anyway so I could finish growing. I wasn't happy short and gained weight from not having time to go to the gym. The ballet wasn't so great at that school, then. It was supposed to be pre-professional. I had a hard time only memorizing. She recommended me down.
So, I was told not to take voice and not to be in music education. That bothered me, and I didn't do well in school after that, for some reason. I should have gotten out of the religion classes... They made no sense. I didn't see any of the material learned in testing.
So, I finally stayed home and eventually went on the internet all day.
I bought some things with store cards that my parents aren't paying back. If I work, I'm supposed to pay it back. So, it's just a debt I still have. I used the money for like movies by the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I could get into him. I looked up the movie when I came home from up north during a hurricane down south at my real college. I saw the director and was like whoa. That guy is getting something done. Well, I also did visual arts since I was young and kinda did at least crafts a lot at the time. So, art impressing people was easy and I did it until 16. Eventually, I found out he also did The Nightmare Before Christmas, well, I guess I already know because of Corpse Bride.
So, then, I thought, since someone said her partner said their son would be gay from listening to Judy Garland ... and I think really they wanted me online to for fun call their daughter the "n" word my parents are always onto me, though now I even come out of my room to see them and eat, which before I didn't. I think they're regretting I went to the mental hospital now.
A few things have happened, like me getting mad at suggestions, but nothing big in a way. I don't buy too much, anymore. Like, at first, I used my money ... well, at college I ended up eating out sometimes because I couldn't stand the food anymore. I had gotten some ballet DVDs and stuff like that, I know a ballet book, I dunno. My dad used to buy me stuff, though, and my mom, too. I guess I got in trouble when I used the store cards. They just don't want to pay it back, but they pay for other things. Eventually, it'll get paid back. It'd be nice if I could at least get a temporary part time job. I tried to get one before but after I spent money on the ballet stuff, but they wanted to hire the people that needed the job. I also got turned down at Sears. I saw some good-looking black guys doing equipment there. I don't know what was wrong with me, then.
So, now, my parents and maybe others in the extended family get upset at me if I think something, like I'm still a good person even though the "n" word thing happened. I don't get it, really, for some reason. Like, I didn't want to do it, but then I get in trouble because well other people do it because maybe their families aren't really as good, which doesn't sound nice...
So, I was told not to take voice and not to be in music education. That bothered me, and I didn't do well in school after that, for some reason. I should have gotten out of the religion classes... They made no sense. I didn't see any of the material learned in testing.
So, I finally stayed home and eventually went on the internet all day.
I bought some things with store cards that my parents aren't paying back. If I work, I'm supposed to pay it back. So, it's just a debt I still have. I used the money for like movies by the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I could get into him. I looked up the movie when I came home from up north during a hurricane down south at my real college. I saw the director and was like whoa. That guy is getting something done. Well, I also did visual arts since I was young and kinda did at least crafts a lot at the time. So, art impressing people was easy and I did it until 16. Eventually, I found out he also did The Nightmare Before Christmas, well, I guess I already know because of Corpse Bride.
So, then, I thought, since someone said her partner said their son would be gay from listening to Judy Garland ... and I think really they wanted me online to for fun call their daughter the "n" word my parents are always onto me, though now I even come out of my room to see them and eat, which before I didn't. I think they're regretting I went to the mental hospital now.
A few things have happened, like me getting mad at suggestions, but nothing big in a way. I don't buy too much, anymore. Like, at first, I used my money ... well, at college I ended up eating out sometimes because I couldn't stand the food anymore. I had gotten some ballet DVDs and stuff like that, I know a ballet book, I dunno. My dad used to buy me stuff, though, and my mom, too. I guess I got in trouble when I used the store cards. They just don't want to pay it back, but they pay for other things. Eventually, it'll get paid back. It'd be nice if I could at least get a temporary part time job. I tried to get one before but after I spent money on the ballet stuff, but they wanted to hire the people that needed the job. I also got turned down at Sears. I saw some good-looking black guys doing equipment there. I don't know what was wrong with me, then.
So, now, my parents and maybe others in the extended family get upset at me if I think something, like I'm still a good person even though the "n" word thing happened. I don't get it, really, for some reason. Like, I didn't want to do it, but then I get in trouble because well other people do it because maybe their families aren't really as good, which doesn't sound nice...
My 1 Flaw
I guess, I am contending to a normal life. So, something I do most people aren't trained to do is ...
I just realized, it eventually took extra energy living on a campus, but I suppose it would still work out. I am wondering if I'm too old for what they do in college or if I'm behind.
... So, I post on line, a lot. I seem to always fit in music, singing. I used to do piano more. I dunno. Like, I played musicals, I guess, and was excited to do special music school in high school, Talented Music 2 years and 1 year Talented Theater and later a summer and year of weekends for music school at a big arts school in New Orleans.
Um... So, the only thing I'm worried about would be that I like both singing and posting online. I'm wondering about ballerinas. I think they can post online. I even don't think I should be a big reader, which I'm not. I've read things and have excelled, maybe posting online. I seem to post better than others though not as much, which is probably one of the deepest cuts for me. I didn't post online all growing up but did e-mail. I don't think that'd be why. I wasn't really a very bad person compared to others. Now, people I know aren't big even posting online, not even a blog, maybe. People just stopped using Facebook and MySpace. I am just so fascinated about keeping a daily blog to spew my hurt on. Otherwise, I guess if I became some sort of "musician" which includes singing that I'd post about it on my blog and not much else, though now I guess I post about the movies! I was worried because I think handwriting is a good thing that I'd keep a journal. You know, I got the soundtrack to Brave, the Pixar about the Celtic girl. So, I'm thinking of getting everything on iTunes and books even electronically. What else? Yea, there's Netflix online and even on TV now! So, yea, you can get movies on iTunes. I think I will do that. I want to get rid of my stuff. I do save my cards and even notes my parents give me at home. It's just nice to know exactly what you have. I do have some VHS's of clips of the Royal Ballet School doing The Nutcracker, also with the Royal Ballet, which is not sold and I think it's definitely a big thing. I don't know what's up. I know I started gymnastics at age 1 technically, age 1 3|4. I liked ballet but didn't do it my whole life, but I've always been doing piano or something. It's funny I even had time for that.
Anyway ... So, yea ... I shouldn't worry about it, but I do, I mean, I like living online and at the movies, a lot. I don't have to work so have time to sing. I guess that works out. I love singing and will always sing until I'm tired, maybe not technically, though that's what's usually happened, which I assume is what is normal? I know at the upstanding Jesuit school in New Orleans people didn't practice 1|2 hour a day like they were assigned to, mostly... The community college claims you need 4 certain kinds of songs prepared to audition, acting like younger people should flock, and that the minimum, not sure if this is even true, is to practice 1 hour a day, which sounds like a good amount - I think that practicing more than once a day works best. :| I don't wanna work while I'm in school. I'd take a loan. I just feel funny that even at a community college you practice 1 hour every day, no fail. It's probably because it's intended for the working adult. What about 45 minutes 5 days a week, or *at least* 20 minutes. I'm wondering because operas themselves are so long. It used to seem like a possibility. I'm not up for work with words. I guess that's why I did piano. Imagine people featured in movies don't have to work that much. Who pays attention to the opera, let alone even all the movies? What do people do for fun in life? People have it hard. I think I could do voice at a college... I did find I practiced maybe 3 hours a day and wanted to do more. I had 3 instruments, though. Maybe it was 1 hour, but I've practiced more than that. It's different when you're on a campus with no family and like no friends in a way.
Oh, thinking about the thing about visiting where we used to live in the nation's oldest continuing city, my dad wanted to stay at a hotel and eat at a nice restaurant next time. I assume we can go later.
So, I think that 1 hour of practicing every day is too much for a community college. I am offended they think it's a place for kids. People who go there have kids. I don't know what they mean, but it'd be nice if they do have a book of warm-ups. I did choir so thought I knew how to warm up. I started warming up again. I did when I woke up but I guess stopped to post this. 1 hour seems right for a community college. For a conservatory, I'm guessing they practice 2 1|2 hours a day plus go to 2 or 3 ensembles, other homework blah.
I guess I'm most upset I don't have the sweet innocent voice I once had as a teenager. I can kinda sing like I did in choir when I was a kid. It was a big time for me. Essentially, I'm still the same. I used to sing while I played mostly. I didn't even own The Phantom of the Opera, though. The instrumental part to Cats was interesting. That seems neat because at least the white cat also dances, though the white can doesn't sing alone. I wish I did voice. A lot of kids started in high school. I did an organ camp at Oberlin in northern Ohio, and they probably did piano or started with organ at 16 or 15 or maybe earlier. It was probably 15 or 16. I know I started playing around at 15, well, no, I just played it like a piano for church services and wasn't allowed to prepare, didn't even know the songs in advance. The people in charge of music and clerical work were fired along with that priest. The priest before was there for 30 years, and there were older people in the choir who were there 30 years.
I'm thinking the way I post online is juvenile and that I'll get over it. I dunno. I think the main thing in life is Hollywood. I realize there are some people that shine as one. I think it's funny you'll have like 3 or 4 theaters of the same movie, though. It must be expensive. I was thinking and even figured hey how everyone could be a movie star.
One big thing about me is that I well when I read about people from a long time ago, well, through the Little House Books and American Girl, that I wanted to be old-fashioned and wear dresses and boots. I stayed that way forever, though I was also into modern life. Who isn't? I was adamant about everything and for some reason stood out. I think gymnastics as a kid made me smart for life, though I wasn't on a team. I was ahead. I started at age 1 3|4.
So, the way I post online is kinda filler for my life. It is a main feature to me. So ...
... What was I gonna say? Um ... I think that I am still for some reason developing into a woman and hope I do. The talking online is good for my communication skills. I used to not. I get grumpy when I don't get to.
So, like, I like getting accounts for big movies or using one main one. It's fun to up your reputation, as a person. I don't like how people judge me for mistakes from the past that have some sort of an explanation.
I just realized, it eventually took extra energy living on a campus, but I suppose it would still work out. I am wondering if I'm too old for what they do in college or if I'm behind.
... So, I post on line, a lot. I seem to always fit in music, singing. I used to do piano more. I dunno. Like, I played musicals, I guess, and was excited to do special music school in high school, Talented Music 2 years and 1 year Talented Theater and later a summer and year of weekends for music school at a big arts school in New Orleans.
Um... So, the only thing I'm worried about would be that I like both singing and posting online. I'm wondering about ballerinas. I think they can post online. I even don't think I should be a big reader, which I'm not. I've read things and have excelled, maybe posting online. I seem to post better than others though not as much, which is probably one of the deepest cuts for me. I didn't post online all growing up but did e-mail. I don't think that'd be why. I wasn't really a very bad person compared to others. Now, people I know aren't big even posting online, not even a blog, maybe. People just stopped using Facebook and MySpace. I am just so fascinated about keeping a daily blog to spew my hurt on. Otherwise, I guess if I became some sort of "musician" which includes singing that I'd post about it on my blog and not much else, though now I guess I post about the movies! I was worried because I think handwriting is a good thing that I'd keep a journal. You know, I got the soundtrack to Brave, the Pixar about the Celtic girl. So, I'm thinking of getting everything on iTunes and books even electronically. What else? Yea, there's Netflix online and even on TV now! So, yea, you can get movies on iTunes. I think I will do that. I want to get rid of my stuff. I do save my cards and even notes my parents give me at home. It's just nice to know exactly what you have. I do have some VHS's of clips of the Royal Ballet School doing The Nutcracker, also with the Royal Ballet, which is not sold and I think it's definitely a big thing. I don't know what's up. I know I started gymnastics at age 1 technically, age 1 3|4. I liked ballet but didn't do it my whole life, but I've always been doing piano or something. It's funny I even had time for that.
Anyway ... So, yea ... I shouldn't worry about it, but I do, I mean, I like living online and at the movies, a lot. I don't have to work so have time to sing. I guess that works out. I love singing and will always sing until I'm tired, maybe not technically, though that's what's usually happened, which I assume is what is normal? I know at the upstanding Jesuit school in New Orleans people didn't practice 1|2 hour a day like they were assigned to, mostly... The community college claims you need 4 certain kinds of songs prepared to audition, acting like younger people should flock, and that the minimum, not sure if this is even true, is to practice 1 hour a day, which sounds like a good amount - I think that practicing more than once a day works best. :| I don't wanna work while I'm in school. I'd take a loan. I just feel funny that even at a community college you practice 1 hour every day, no fail. It's probably because it's intended for the working adult. What about 45 minutes 5 days a week, or *at least* 20 minutes. I'm wondering because operas themselves are so long. It used to seem like a possibility. I'm not up for work with words. I guess that's why I did piano. Imagine people featured in movies don't have to work that much. Who pays attention to the opera, let alone even all the movies? What do people do for fun in life? People have it hard. I think I could do voice at a college... I did find I practiced maybe 3 hours a day and wanted to do more. I had 3 instruments, though. Maybe it was 1 hour, but I've practiced more than that. It's different when you're on a campus with no family and like no friends in a way.
Oh, thinking about the thing about visiting where we used to live in the nation's oldest continuing city, my dad wanted to stay at a hotel and eat at a nice restaurant next time. I assume we can go later.
So, I think that 1 hour of practicing every day is too much for a community college. I am offended they think it's a place for kids. People who go there have kids. I don't know what they mean, but it'd be nice if they do have a book of warm-ups. I did choir so thought I knew how to warm up. I started warming up again. I did when I woke up but I guess stopped to post this. 1 hour seems right for a community college. For a conservatory, I'm guessing they practice 2 1|2 hours a day plus go to 2 or 3 ensembles, other homework blah.
I guess I'm most upset I don't have the sweet innocent voice I once had as a teenager. I can kinda sing like I did in choir when I was a kid. It was a big time for me. Essentially, I'm still the same. I used to sing while I played mostly. I didn't even own The Phantom of the Opera, though. The instrumental part to Cats was interesting. That seems neat because at least the white cat also dances, though the white can doesn't sing alone. I wish I did voice. A lot of kids started in high school. I did an organ camp at Oberlin in northern Ohio, and they probably did piano or started with organ at 16 or 15 or maybe earlier. It was probably 15 or 16. I know I started playing around at 15, well, no, I just played it like a piano for church services and wasn't allowed to prepare, didn't even know the songs in advance. The people in charge of music and clerical work were fired along with that priest. The priest before was there for 30 years, and there were older people in the choir who were there 30 years.
I'm thinking the way I post online is juvenile and that I'll get over it. I dunno. I think the main thing in life is Hollywood. I realize there are some people that shine as one. I think it's funny you'll have like 3 or 4 theaters of the same movie, though. It must be expensive. I was thinking and even figured hey how everyone could be a movie star.
One big thing about me is that I well when I read about people from a long time ago, well, through the Little House Books and American Girl, that I wanted to be old-fashioned and wear dresses and boots. I stayed that way forever, though I was also into modern life. Who isn't? I was adamant about everything and for some reason stood out. I think gymnastics as a kid made me smart for life, though I wasn't on a team. I was ahead. I started at age 1 3|4.
So, the way I post online is kinda filler for my life. It is a main feature to me. So ...
... What was I gonna say? Um ... I think that I am still for some reason developing into a woman and hope I do. The talking online is good for my communication skills. I used to not. I get grumpy when I don't get to.
So, like, I like getting accounts for big movies or using one main one. It's fun to up your reputation, as a person. I don't like how people judge me for mistakes from the past that have some sort of an explanation.
Why I Might Be Entertaining
I do like acting too and feel I've sung and played the piano a lot, not sure how much I've done things compared to others, like including some ballet which I kept up until I turned 21.
My favorite music, since I was a bit dorky, was children's music, folk songs, and church music. Later, I got into pop and musicals.
I did music education in college. A big thing for me was like music for children, I guess, or something like that, that everyone should sing I agreed.
My favorite music, since I was a bit dorky, was children's music, folk songs, and church music. Later, I got into pop and musicals.
I did music education in college. A big thing for me was like music for children, I guess, or something like that, that everyone should sing I agreed.
Entertaining Songs
Songs like "Moon River," "Suo Gân," "The Ash Grove," "Greensleeves," and maybe others I even know are good to sing. Even things like "Suwannee River" might cover a real traditional singer's repertoire.
... You know, I might seem like gay trash in singing *ahahaha* I mean like I'm all up to what's proper but don't sing much. Part of the reason I quit college was so I could sing on my own... Maybe, I just need to move the keyboard to my room now that my dad does not use it. Anyway, how shall I say this, when I took singing in college, I thought the kids were very much like sucking up but still very casual.
I didn't really take a break in singing when I was 12 and 13 when I moved when there was no children's choir. Oh, and I was too shy to start singing in front of someone. I looked different, too, than before because I quit gymnastics. The music teacher's daughter where I lived before also did gymnastics. I went with her once but decided not to go back. My mom, brother, and I would walk around the city, which was the oldest continuing city in the U.S., and that kept me even skinnier than when I did gymnastics. It was in northeastern Florida. It was glorious! Ah! There was a sea breeze often, I think, like anywhere in the city, but it was 95 degrees F. For some reason, that was pretty hot, well yea that is. It seems hotter than here in Orlando. Maybe Orlando has a higher level of land.
The musical songs supposedly are for amateurs, I think. I talked to a girl in voice who was younger than me when I was still in grade school, and I think she said it as musical theater that is louder singing that ruins your voice or something. I always grew up hearing it was pop. Still, people go off and alter their voices and I guess just do it for fun, which makes sense, though I assume all this still means that there are pop singing things that don't ruin your voice.
I guess, I've found that musical theater songs don't have to be sung in a way that ruins your voice and that it's more entertaining to others. I like looking up people singing like "All I Ask of You" and things like from The Phantom of the Opera. I found a nice video of a girl singing "The Trout," or Die Forelle by Schubert. This is interesting. It's an old recording of it. It just shows you what life was like a long time ago... YouTube
You know, one reason I didn't post online was because I had a busy life, including getting homework moving from southeastern and northeastern Florida to Louisiana. *ahahaha* So, when I finally posted online, I had a buildup of things I've done in life to go off for like forever. I feel a bit tackled now, I must say. *looks from side to side* You know, I've been sleeping awhile and started to feel, which was interesting. At first, I had a dream someone I've known awhile was there, and then I just felt. I don't feel now. I feel, in a way. I feel like I'm in trouble all the time. Um. People have been mean to me, but no one makes a big deal out of it. Everything I've done was a misunderstanding or something like that. So, I always thought oh I could sing online if I get bored and I have all day to practice. For some reason, I didn't want to do the classical songs. I did, but I didn't get the books until later. My dad wanted a music stand, and I don't want to take it back because he uses it. I'll have to buy one in the next month or 2. It's almost July already, I can hardly believe. Ever since I stopped calling my grandma every night for 45 minutes, I've felt like time goes by very quickly. I can't believe we've straddled the middle of the month. It's like I'm old now and time is nothing. *Wah* I was just thinking about death. So, in bed, hard to believe I slept that long, I was just like tossing from side to side. Somehow, it ended up being a long time. I did used to feel something from my blanket, but lately I liked to ignore feeling anything, though at least I wasn't suffering. I don't know when I'll go back to sleep, but someone's coming to see me at 5 I think about doing theater, for psychiatric reasons. I don't think I'm gonna do it, but I dunno. It'll just be an offer. I don't like this being in the limelight in my family. They always look at me like I have to dedicate my life to when other people were the ones even to make me think they wanted me to use the "n" word with them. It's always about that, and it's been over 2 years. *glares* You know, from what I just said they'd think I was wrong to say that. They're the ones who start trouble. For some reason I was just thinking we haven't been to the nation's oldest city this year. My brother wanted to leave the little oldest school house earlier somehow since more people came in, and it was $5. I asked my mom about it, at first. I came home and asked my dad why he was acting funnily for awhile and then he made me take more medicine, took me to the psychiatrist, though he's lowered the dosage. My parents are sick. They don't like to have to tell us what to do, and most people wouldn't get mad like that. People in public just are influenced these days to not like me. Wow, $5, and there was a reason, though I wanted to go back and see something, again. Now, you realize, which when I realize something people agree but not if it's a point about me not being in trouble about the "n" word thing, well people just forget everything and realize they don't know what they're doing exactly. I guess I have to admit my parents feel pushed about the "n" word thing. That's really too bad. I don't contend with it. I'm not the only one in danger. :( I wish this didn't happen. My life means something to me.
So, yes... I feel a bit old to be *learning* singing, I admit. I just don't feel like it now because I'm terrible, probably because of the "n" word thing. I started singing after it but didn't record enough. I was 23. I'm 26, now. I just turned 26 a month ago. I even was considering going back to college. I guess I don't need to do theater. I'm happy the way things are, going to the movies and posting online. I'm excited about cooking more now. I am having fun jogging. It's just gotten hot, and that gives me even more of a workout.
You know, I feel a bit crazy. I just realized I might have Jewish, but I also know I'm Native American, so ... but my mom is just Chinese-Indonesian. With my dad, it's all from his mom, I think. I'm pretty sure his dad isn't indian. My grandma has been more harsh since the "n" word thing. I told my aunt, too, if I called her at night to read the Bible I might go to sleep later, which can be bad for me and my intentions. I did want to work. It's hard, though, being mixed race, and I guess we have an issue with money. I'm happy being a normal person, though, but wish that we had like a nicer life in some way. People in Orlando are very extroverted. It can work out. It's probably smarter than a lot of places, still. They seem to get to the issue, but, when you get down to it, they're tacky sometimes.
It seems I should have done singing when I was younger, seriously, and took voice. I didn't have enough time for piano and got in trouble, like was told I was bad by my Russian teacher. I had too much homework and had just moved from Florida to Louisiana. That area in Louisiana has the lowest level of education, though, in the U.S., and Florida, is 2nd from there. It's funny during the hurricane I couldn't read their music history. Also, I was supposed to go to dance but didn't and missed a family reunion for the audition. My shoes were too small and hurt, and I left. This was like 2 years ago, quite depressing.
... You know, I might seem like gay trash in singing *ahahaha* I mean like I'm all up to what's proper but don't sing much. Part of the reason I quit college was so I could sing on my own... Maybe, I just need to move the keyboard to my room now that my dad does not use it. Anyway, how shall I say this, when I took singing in college, I thought the kids were very much like sucking up but still very casual.
I didn't really take a break in singing when I was 12 and 13 when I moved when there was no children's choir. Oh, and I was too shy to start singing in front of someone. I looked different, too, than before because I quit gymnastics. The music teacher's daughter where I lived before also did gymnastics. I went with her once but decided not to go back. My mom, brother, and I would walk around the city, which was the oldest continuing city in the U.S., and that kept me even skinnier than when I did gymnastics. It was in northeastern Florida. It was glorious! Ah! There was a sea breeze often, I think, like anywhere in the city, but it was 95 degrees F. For some reason, that was pretty hot, well yea that is. It seems hotter than here in Orlando. Maybe Orlando has a higher level of land.
The musical songs supposedly are for amateurs, I think. I talked to a girl in voice who was younger than me when I was still in grade school, and I think she said it as musical theater that is louder singing that ruins your voice or something. I always grew up hearing it was pop. Still, people go off and alter their voices and I guess just do it for fun, which makes sense, though I assume all this still means that there are pop singing things that don't ruin your voice.
I guess, I've found that musical theater songs don't have to be sung in a way that ruins your voice and that it's more entertaining to others. I like looking up people singing like "All I Ask of You" and things like from The Phantom of the Opera. I found a nice video of a girl singing "The Trout," or Die Forelle by Schubert. This is interesting. It's an old recording of it. It just shows you what life was like a long time ago... YouTube
You know, one reason I didn't post online was because I had a busy life, including getting homework moving from southeastern and northeastern Florida to Louisiana. *ahahaha* So, when I finally posted online, I had a buildup of things I've done in life to go off for like forever. I feel a bit tackled now, I must say. *looks from side to side* You know, I've been sleeping awhile and started to feel, which was interesting. At first, I had a dream someone I've known awhile was there, and then I just felt. I don't feel now. I feel, in a way. I feel like I'm in trouble all the time. Um. People have been mean to me, but no one makes a big deal out of it. Everything I've done was a misunderstanding or something like that. So, I always thought oh I could sing online if I get bored and I have all day to practice. For some reason, I didn't want to do the classical songs. I did, but I didn't get the books until later. My dad wanted a music stand, and I don't want to take it back because he uses it. I'll have to buy one in the next month or 2. It's almost July already, I can hardly believe. Ever since I stopped calling my grandma every night for 45 minutes, I've felt like time goes by very quickly. I can't believe we've straddled the middle of the month. It's like I'm old now and time is nothing. *Wah* I was just thinking about death. So, in bed, hard to believe I slept that long, I was just like tossing from side to side. Somehow, it ended up being a long time. I did used to feel something from my blanket, but lately I liked to ignore feeling anything, though at least I wasn't suffering. I don't know when I'll go back to sleep, but someone's coming to see me at 5 I think about doing theater, for psychiatric reasons. I don't think I'm gonna do it, but I dunno. It'll just be an offer. I don't like this being in the limelight in my family. They always look at me like I have to dedicate my life to when other people were the ones even to make me think they wanted me to use the "n" word with them. It's always about that, and it's been over 2 years. *glares* You know, from what I just said they'd think I was wrong to say that. They're the ones who start trouble. For some reason I was just thinking we haven't been to the nation's oldest city this year. My brother wanted to leave the little oldest school house earlier somehow since more people came in, and it was $5. I asked my mom about it, at first. I came home and asked my dad why he was acting funnily for awhile and then he made me take more medicine, took me to the psychiatrist, though he's lowered the dosage. My parents are sick. They don't like to have to tell us what to do, and most people wouldn't get mad like that. People in public just are influenced these days to not like me. Wow, $5, and there was a reason, though I wanted to go back and see something, again. Now, you realize, which when I realize something people agree but not if it's a point about me not being in trouble about the "n" word thing, well people just forget everything and realize they don't know what they're doing exactly. I guess I have to admit my parents feel pushed about the "n" word thing. That's really too bad. I don't contend with it. I'm not the only one in danger. :( I wish this didn't happen. My life means something to me.
So, yes... I feel a bit old to be *learning* singing, I admit. I just don't feel like it now because I'm terrible, probably because of the "n" word thing. I started singing after it but didn't record enough. I was 23. I'm 26, now. I just turned 26 a month ago. I even was considering going back to college. I guess I don't need to do theater. I'm happy the way things are, going to the movies and posting online. I'm excited about cooking more now. I am having fun jogging. It's just gotten hot, and that gives me even more of a workout.
You know, I feel a bit crazy. I just realized I might have Jewish, but I also know I'm Native American, so ... but my mom is just Chinese-Indonesian. With my dad, it's all from his mom, I think. I'm pretty sure his dad isn't indian. My grandma has been more harsh since the "n" word thing. I told my aunt, too, if I called her at night to read the Bible I might go to sleep later, which can be bad for me and my intentions. I did want to work. It's hard, though, being mixed race, and I guess we have an issue with money. I'm happy being a normal person, though, but wish that we had like a nicer life in some way. People in Orlando are very extroverted. It can work out. It's probably smarter than a lot of places, still. They seem to get to the issue, but, when you get down to it, they're tacky sometimes.
It seems I should have done singing when I was younger, seriously, and took voice. I didn't have enough time for piano and got in trouble, like was told I was bad by my Russian teacher. I had too much homework and had just moved from Florida to Louisiana. That area in Louisiana has the lowest level of education, though, in the U.S., and Florida, is 2nd from there. It's funny during the hurricane I couldn't read their music history. Also, I was supposed to go to dance but didn't and missed a family reunion for the audition. My shoes were too small and hurt, and I left. This was like 2 years ago, quite depressing.
Some people really don't care about me.
The world is beyond them. They just have fetishes and make fun of me at certain times, like if I got mad at a certain time for a certain reason, if something like that happens again things aren't okay. I never get mad for no reason. People really get to me in Orlando and before online. I wonder if I'd get mad online if I posted more about race, again. Probably not... Those people stopped bothering me... I did take a break from posting at that place. My other thing I do more lately is singing and sometimes I posted it there. I don't have anything good enough to feature on the Classical Music boards. The General Music boards are busy. I guess we should post ourselves on the board, though I suppose some people refrain from respect, though that's not necessarily how it is.
Learning New Songs
I only did much voice lessons for a year. I was told not to take them anymore because, though accurate they mentioned, I was too shy or unexpressive. That confuses me. I honestly heard the voice professors sing, and they weren't like extra excited. I was very bewildered, but they were beyond bubbly though not silly as people. The kids just seemed like they were copying opera stars, like they hadn't really sung much. One went to a choir school maybe at 10 years old, 5th grade. Like, it seemed like maybe when you copy an accent but don't get into it completely. They sounded good and probably improved as time went along. I guess people could also be stark. Overall, it seemed like I was the best. Maybe I had the most multidimensional voice, at the time.
I figured there were 1 or 2 reasons I never took voice. I told my parents I wanted to sing in kindergarten, but we didn't do anything. By the time I was 7 ... I told my mom "I want to sing somehow." So, when I was 5, I was awake to singing. I was allowed in choir at 8, 3rd grade. I moved for 7th grade, and there was no choir, but I was allowed to join the adult choir at church when I asked starting high school. I was the youngest one and was in it all of high school and quit for college and moving during a hurricane. I was probably gonna move, anyway ... my brother and mom were gonna stay so we didn't miss relationships and activities ... my dad had to get a new job somewhere else. I didn't do choir when I came home from college to stay, at least for awhile, because I was soo tired for a long time, to this day. I don't know why I haven't caught up on sleep loss of 10 years. I had a hard time at first and didn't think to post on online message boards when I had nothing to do. We did get a keyboard and I kept forgetting about karaoke. I knew a lot of songs from musicals and a few folk songs.
I think I will do the songs I already know, re-look up the Italian after I do the English ones. I suppose the English ones would help, anyway, since I don't speak Italian. I am interested in learning another|other language|s. So, the voice teacher in college said to like pick a language and that she still couldn't get hers, German, though she was in Germany for 20 years. That really confuses me because I thought I got it the first day. We only did much Italian, though, because Italian was the class they offered the 2nd semester, the 1st being a general get to know you kind of class... which was fun, but I always felt guilty because why would I be there as a music education major? I don't know about secondary instruments, but I took piano and organ, as well as voice. I auditioned for piano and organ, and I was allowed to major in either and, perhaps, if I had time to prepare, I would get in voice, judging from the other kids. I've gained a stronger voice from being allowed to sing in college.
I figured there were 1 or 2 reasons I never took voice. I told my parents I wanted to sing in kindergarten, but we didn't do anything. By the time I was 7 ... I told my mom "I want to sing somehow." So, when I was 5, I was awake to singing. I was allowed in choir at 8, 3rd grade. I moved for 7th grade, and there was no choir, but I was allowed to join the adult choir at church when I asked starting high school. I was the youngest one and was in it all of high school and quit for college and moving during a hurricane. I was probably gonna move, anyway ... my brother and mom were gonna stay so we didn't miss relationships and activities ... my dad had to get a new job somewhere else. I didn't do choir when I came home from college to stay, at least for awhile, because I was soo tired for a long time, to this day. I don't know why I haven't caught up on sleep loss of 10 years. I had a hard time at first and didn't think to post on online message boards when I had nothing to do. We did get a keyboard and I kept forgetting about karaoke. I knew a lot of songs from musicals and a few folk songs.
I think I will do the songs I already know, re-look up the Italian after I do the English ones. I suppose the English ones would help, anyway, since I don't speak Italian. I am interested in learning another|other language|s. So, the voice teacher in college said to like pick a language and that she still couldn't get hers, German, though she was in Germany for 20 years. That really confuses me because I thought I got it the first day. We only did much Italian, though, because Italian was the class they offered the 2nd semester, the 1st being a general get to know you kind of class... which was fun, but I always felt guilty because why would I be there as a music education major? I don't know about secondary instruments, but I took piano and organ, as well as voice. I auditioned for piano and organ, and I was allowed to major in either and, perhaps, if I had time to prepare, I would get in voice, judging from the other kids. I've gained a stronger voice from being allowed to sing in college.
17-18 hours of sleep
I needed to catch up fro the past 2 days. I finally got up because I felt myself twitching some from the psychiatric medicine.
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