Christina Barrett: 06/04/12

Monday, June 4, 2012

My dad has to go to bed early, too

and she just saw me come back from running. That's too bad disagreements happen, but obviously if they're accidents life goes on.

I'll have to tell my mom to tell me good-night again.

She didn't come, likely because of the disagreement last night.

Anyway, on my walk, the place where I saw 1st the ghost that was like a big black rectangle with little triangles on the top sides, then 2 frogs together, this time I felt a big whirl like I felt in my stomach before uncontrollably lying in bed. I felt another little one after it.

My Nose

Picture

I fail to see how it's a fake nose. I suppose people don't have to like me.

Well, it looks not minute but correct. I realize you could have a more realistic-looking nose.

I'm a pretty physical person in some ways. So, that's not quite what's lacking. It just doesn't have that look I know now.

I think you could have a much more detailed nose. I didn't have to do anything special to get a nose like that in certain ways. It's just been shaped that way for awhile. I know it's been different, shorter, when I was a kid. I guess it's Jewish to have a longer nose. I don't know about Italians as kids, but I know the adults can have long noses. I'm Jewish, probably, and I always wanted a long nose. Ha! I guess I'm scoffed at. It's a big desire of mine to have a protruding nose. Not everyone wants that, I see, and I don't understand that. Lots of Middle Easterners have strong noses.

I'm still overcome with how my nose seems fake because it does not.

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Here's me back from up north. My nose is not especially long. It still looks like a real nose.

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Here's a girl from New Orleans. She looks smart. I thought we should have moved to the city, but the suburb was okay. It was quite good, in fact. Part of the reason is because of people from New Orleans, which seems distant I suppose. Her nose doesn't look fake. It seems a bit light, compared to mine.

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Here are some Ellen DeGeneres fans. She has big fans. Their noses seem fake to me. I wonder where they're from. I know their noses aren't fake, but it has more of that feel. It must be because I've been to the top and bottom of the U.S. Sorry I said that, but I was trying to reiterate why my nose would seem "fake." :^|

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Here's them later. Their noses aren't especially big, which I am sorry for because my nose from the side looks quite big.

I guess I'm Chinese so my nose is pretty solid.

It's not fake.

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I used to think this was a fake nose, but now I don't. I guess I don't have that indent in the center, though. I'm kinda hoping I get it, but you know, I dunno about that?

I know about the serious look.

It means you've had a good time.

I don't know how to deal with this.

It should be settled ... for everyone's sake!

So, what's important

everyone thinks is that it's worse if you got someone to call you the "n" word than if you called someone it because it's always done in a fury and makes them feel bad.

I went to the bathroom twice

while I was out, 1st at Target then at the grocery store.

I do try

not to think of conspiracy with my family, but when I do I get over it because it's not that bad.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I suppose Floridians don't all have that much to do as you'd crack it up to be.

It was so cute on my walk I saw a person eating and saw someone coming out of a door in their garage across the street. The guy eating was a somewhat obese young man picking I could see with silverware at his food, kinda looking down and cross. It was so cute!!! I love peering in, but people seem to have folded their shutters closed. It only lasted for the very beginning, which is hard to conceive of. I remember starting out looking for where to walk.

I suppose I 1st got upset when I got mad talking to a boy from England because he posted a jumping panda bear, jumping from side to side. I ended up doing some bad things, but he still accepts me. It's just not the same.

The "n" word thing doesn't have to consume life itself as an issue, I suppose. It's nice to learn "what."

Unaccepting

It's not cool!

I can accept some things about me but know my life has been and is compromised.

Prisses

I've always strived myself to be somewhat of a fanciful girl.

It seems they're pretty negative and bland.

I guess-

I guess as long as you change the situation it's enough for awhile. It seems nice. It's a lot to live up to.

I guess positive things can come up, as well.

I'm feeling better and getting coordinated already, which should be good news.

I didn't see any cars since I saw those people, but I did see 2 teenage|young adult boys on the side of the road, talking. They seemed to think I should commit suicide. Also, when we do the laundry, my mom leaves the door opened and my brother just barged in and did his and then turned off the light and closed the door. I'm in the garage, which is my room. My mom used to leave the door open so she could here well when it was done. I like it because it muffles other sounds.

I'm feeling better.

And I think I accept what my parents did. They look back and wish things were different sometimes. I think essentially I can have things stay good.

My Parents ... and the Public

So, I want to say I respect my parents. I don't think I would want my kid to mess up by prodding them to do the wrong thing as though it fits the situation. I feel that's how they've raised me. I feel that either they were playing around with my desire to do ballet or trying to punish me for some facet of my mind. I didn't really have a dirty mind, though.

I don't see how it helps to not care that it seemed like someone wanted me to call them the "n" word. You have to take that into consideration. They think it's just "what." They don't really think that, but they keep using that meme seeing if they can get me stimulated, which I don't appreciate. I don't get some of the things that happened to me in my lifestyle. Just a few things can ruin it.

Bad Night Out

2 Things

I was thinking about how it was fun to post the semi-nude photo... I came across some fat people it seems sitting in front of their house talking. I heard the lady say, "Never." I heard the guy spit loudly. Don't bark at me for the "n" word thing or anything. That was wrong. People can't act like I have bad intentions when I don't, and racism is never correct, right?

So, then I started thinking. What if, like since I thought of my belt not fitting, I'd been thinking of curse words and people could tell ... I thought of like my future babies, and it's become something of an obsession that I have to put in check and it's hard.

I was thinking of how my family wouldn't care and think that's okay. It seems they're being suggestive, at least my mom. I don't think that's right. I think that's ditzy. I'm sad my night was ruined but happy I learned something essentially unharmed. It's not worth reasoning with my parents. They're totally out of the picture, now, at least my mom in this, who tries to make things right to her ideals, though. I suppose it's food for thought, but ever since I said something that wasn't pointedly bad people have been being mean to me and that makes no sense. Some people deliberately have been steering my life downhill. For some reason, this keeps hovering|looming in the distance.

Back to what's important in this thing, I guess it depends on my awareness.

I don't really mind people doing things I want them to do anyway. I just figure that's what it should be. I mean a lot is at stake. I don't like people insisting things on me that don't make sense.

I think this thing is bothering me. People always want me to think of how it's wrong to curse, but I shouldn't because that will make me curse. That's why it's not right to bring up things. Maybe, things are different, but no one should have to suffer this all the time around others. It's making me think I shouldn't be around my parents. My dad cares about me essentially but takes advantage of things, like mental medicine. My mom just accepts what happens to me like it doesn't matter, anymore, because it's not about her.

My point is, I actually think.

My parents do what they think is right, and I try to respect that, though it's not something I do to anyone nor would want to nor think I will.

My parents seem to think they're a certain way because my dad's from up north and my mom is from out of the U.S. Like, they seem to be making fun of me for my thinking. I'm just suffering as an innocent person. I'm lucky, too, and shouldn't be brought down and made to suffer like Jesus Christ. Like, they're acting like, just because of things I thought I should be doing and messing up though I've always been a good person with an attitude, that it's just all fun like oh wait a second you did this so you can't feel a certain way randomly all the time, barking at me for the "n" word thing, like they're so cute. They're not genuinely like this. They've raised the family down south. They put it on as a guise. I think it really is how people are where they're from, though, despite what other sources say.

What I do is I actually think about things and all the details. I don't say oh well it's still wrong maybe there is no special situation to think about, I'm going along with the crowd even though there is no crowd. I dunno, trying to get back to me, it's like you actually think of things specifically. You know the truth. There is no piñata.