Just to Make My Dad Happy

I am taking the medicine.  I will gradually get off it.  It's a little every day.  It's 1 1|2 mg.  I was doing 4 mg a day and then 3 mg every 3 days before.

It takes away your feeling!

I like that, but I dunno.  It's caused some bad side effects, too.

Among Other Things

Ways of Controlling Anger

Going to the gym every day (you know, Sunday-Thursday,) and drinking tea help.

Medicine will ... too late if you need it already ... increase your appetite and slow down your metabolism.

It seems like people want to blame others

for misunderstandings.  Like, they want to make someone feel guilty for what happened.

Clear

It's clear that there's a reason made up for why I take psychiatric medicine.  It's because I'm so self-confident that it would be an insult to others if I was made to feel I was the one who was right.

Coping

I suppose I'll have to cope with all this.

You know, something funny happened to me in my sleep.  I hope it goes away.  It wasn't too bad.  I've restrained myself against it.  Yea, well, actually, this has nothing to do with the original topic.

I'm also wondering if people tried to get me to mess up in life so they wouldn't have to deal with me.  People have stopped talking to me.  That doesn't really make me happy.  I feel I want to stop talking to a lot of people.  I feel bound.  I think I should stop.  I dunno, though.  I think that there are ways people are older than me and so they ditch me.  There are some people who seem younger than me, though, at least in some ways.  You know, my life used to be more complicated.

Why does something always happen to me?

It doesn't happen to others.  Did Opera really change that when you Retweet a Blogger post that the window doesn't close automatically?  Wow, why not just do something mean to everyone every time they get mad?  Because it wouldn't be worth it?  That seems to be the thinking, other than that they're the problem everyone's scared concerning to begin with.  I think people need to when they're not mad learn to not get mad and that when they are they should be restrained.  I notice, I never mean anything, but I get made to be mad.  I'm trying to stop that.  Me being made to get mad has happened too much lately.

Also, why do you think I'd feel too guilty to do things as before?  Note, there are things that shouldn't be too obvious.  Things really aren't the same.  People just failed to cope with the "n" word thing.  One thing is there is a reason and it's because I thought the other people thought it was my turn or something, even though at the time things were big on me acting right.  I mean, I thought they were posting to me online every day being racist, but I didn't know who it was.  They already said the son was going to be gay.  The mom said the dad said the son would be gay from listening to Judy Garland.  I didn't want to do this, but I think they really wanted me to, maybe some moreso than others if not just 1 or 2 people in the end.  I suppose it's good to cope, but I shouldn't be punished for this.  That's because it seemed like someone wanted to use the word.  I feel that if I know it's wrong and not good nor cool to do anyway that I'd remember.  It is mean and not smart to think you should do it even if someone thinks it's okay.

I suppose later

they don't have to feel themselves be nice to others because they want to just rub in that they're guilty for what they've done though it was a misunderstanding and you thought that's what someone wanted, something no one will understand nor realize that is a problem because of racism.  Things probably wouldn't be so bad, otherwise.  People need respect racially, but they're not good at keeping a balance with that and reality.

I imagine

some people are trying to get by or should be let be.  It's too bad the circumstances are as they are.  People though pay later when they chose not to react initially and don't know how that can be taken into consideration.

Well

things have gotten both better and worse, for some reason.  Rumor must have spread, but things were going well before.  Just because I felt at the time to say something about what happened, things had changed.  Perhaps, it wasn't quite the right thing ... lemme see ... well, it was pretty basic.  It was about something probably in a way that was more about how you would think of it more boiled down to what you would think as a reaction rather than refined.

I know the President

has checks and balances.

So, the President

really is a lot like everyone else.  It should do no harm in saying.  Lots of people talk about him.  I wanted to try keeping up with things more.  It's funny, though, how sometimes you meet people who are different, but overall maybe some people are more easygoing with the truth.

I was gonna say something else but forgot.

People need to stop picking on me.

They don't know why they do it.

I know the people in public have problems with me, and they seem to have an inflated ego...  Like, in relation to their finding fault in me.  People don't realize that things could have been better in a controlled environment.  What do you think will happen to these people who have willed this for me?  Do they literally get by finding fault in me?  Why don't people see the big picture?  Somehow, my life has been ruined.  I look different.  I have different customs.

My Life's Cycle

I wish things were going better.  They got bad since the "n" word thing.  It kinda got bad when I was mad at racists and threw my laptop against the wall.  I didn't even get an Apple, the laptop being broken a lot, anyway.  I went out a little after that.  After the mental hospital, I went out a lot.  I looked okay right when I got back from the interaction but later not.

I can't find it in me

to do "what" people want sometimes, for me to act silly and submissive.  I thought that was something you weren't supposed to do, but people use it anyway as an expectation so they can get mad at you otherwise, also claiming that's not what they want.

The Ride

So...people think just because they're older they know ways of disciplining younger people.  There's always something that's a bit off-kilter.  Like, I notice some people who have Irish don't do things in the same way.  They think of something else, though, for some reason or maybe can't help it.

Mixed Irish People

Something goes wrong, and they think they can take liberty and say something stimulating in a bad way.  Like, they refer to something else, and they think of things that shouldn't be thought of and relay the message to me and others.  I can look at it in another way, like that I don't really like it.  Hm...when things like that happen, usually, people do something else to make sure it bothers me but may realize I can look at anything in a different way and that they'd be out to do something that didn't mean anything that made sense nor that wasn't okay in the end.  I'm like a virus learning to overcome immunity.

Did you realize

ever since the "n" word thing people have been treating me the way they treat other people, in ways that aren't appropriate?  People used to do that to people when they got out of hand, but with me it happens at random.

I also told my dad

the medicine can make you twitch even after you've stopped taking it.  Clearly, I was misdiagnosed.  There was a Chinese doctor at the mental hospital who seemed to think I didn't need the medicine the 2nd time I went there, but since I went there a 2nd time after getting off my medicine my dad wanted me back on the medicine.

I finally finished sewing my ballet slippers.

The medicine also makes me fat.

I might

use my money to help pay to take ice skating or tennis instead of getting a Nook nor online books.

The Gym and Hard Breathing

So, I dreamt of my great aunt who died and my grandma.  I was on the moon, and my grandma was there.  I stopped breathing sometimes.

So, I read online that the psychiatric medicine I'm taking kills you and can cause hard breathing.  If it does, it says to stop taking it immediately and to seek help...

So, I broke the news to my dad, sent an e-mail.

I said, instead, let's go to this nice gym every day.

:) Ah! ~:)

I was reclining on my couch.

I might go iron now.

I do want to listen to Believe more, but I should probably settle all corners of my life.  I'll be back, unless I fall asleep.  :|

I might be better.

I had quite a doozy at Wal-Mart.

Did you know I can't really feel anything?

I've had parts of me stimulated.  Not much, though, and it's just a tingly feeling now.

Aw, Twitter's not working.

0:  I'm tired but don't feel like sleeping.  I did take my pills.  I'm wondering if I'll wake up.

I am always right, more or less.

I already cared about the outcome.

}:D But don't worry

I figured that's just "what" these people are.

So, is there a discipline

to hate on me?  This is so lame!

Even if you knew something was wrong

there are certain things that don't deserve certain things, but I suppose there's a reason for anything.

1st Time!

I had a natural cut on the palm of a hand. My skin split open in direction of the thin lines side to side but not on a big line.

Ooh, too much.

I have this feeling I'm about to crumble.

Princess

So, if something has a coincidence then it's the answer to a problem?  :D  Ahahaha!

So, some people

pretend that certain protocols didn't exist.

It's best to do what's safe, but I don't know how to cross the bridge to being more "friendly," you know, like as in casual.  It seemed like it was important.  I think it works if you do it on purpose and not by convenience ... nor necessity.

I solved my own riddle.

I guess I can see how someone really is a princess.