Christina Barrett: 06/10/12

I can't react?

Do you ever

try to make it so that sometimes people do the wrong things so the world seems normal but find if you didn't do that that you would have done something wrong, anyway? I don't think that should strike a chord in anyone. :/ If so, they are a bad person. I feel victimized.

Being Weird

If normally I am right, why do people get mad at just that? My life has become more complex, and I am still right. Things are just weird.

Maybe, there's things I did, but it's all either something beyond my reach or about a misunderstanding. :/

What I Did Wrong

People have problems with me supposedly thinking they are shit and stuff, but that was already something I didn't want to have pop up in my mind!

I thought we had this shit together.

My Brother's Dog

He needs to get a grip. He's the one who identified with having a dog. He's so sick. He's in the doghouse, not everyone else.

Fine, I'll just

call someone's kid a nigger and try to discern who they will be or are.

My Dad

He seems to think he has an Irish side. He figures some people can be mean to others, and others can't even if that's not what they meant.

My brother has problems.

He has a sick, twisted mind. He thinks he can bring up and unsettle the past. He's always been a confusing person, simply. Perhaps life is too simple and people try to make it complicated, or it's too complicated and people have problems simplifying it.

I tried explaining to my mother...

I told my mom, she put an idea in my head! Now, it's just stuck. I guess she wants to have a bit of fun but my family is so negative and never do anything for the right reasons, not that anyone does or could seeing as how they are.

This is so worthless! Literally. And NO I didn't do anything.

My brother was acting up and my parents always let my brother get away with having an attitude, sometimes was constantly.

Then, my mom decided to have an issue, as well.

My family is sick in creating bad fantasies over me, when things are just calm.

Was there ever a time...

...when, a good person, you felt encouraged to your subconscious to let out your feelings in certain situations? Of course, there's always our conscience and things we do not need it on. :(

My Grandma and Aunt

Well, my dad will talk to my grandma today. I really hope she is doing well. Next month when I have more money again, I should get her a card. It's too bad she doesn't use the internet because that would be so much fun!

I have to e-mail my aunt back. I had a good time with her recently.

About getting my grandma a card, well, I guess I could wait until July 4th. There are so many holidays!

Things That Come Up

It seems that things come up that weren't supposed to.

Over It Some

I am somewhat over it. I am happy with myself, just slightly bored I guess. It is a bit funny. I still am like I was before, in some ways, but it would be nice to get in touch with how I was.

An Animal and Not a Person

I look more like an animal now, too. I looked like a person before. I looked very human, which I find interesting.

I'm worried

my grandma will do something to make my future worse. I don't need her to constantly get at me for things I've done in tight situations. I even wonder if it's her fault these things happened. I don't know why she desensitized me like that, must have startled me when I wasn't feeling so well. I mean, I just lost everything. It must have been not only the "n" word thing but in conjunction that with some things I said with my dad. I don't know why I felt the need to say what I said. It seems my dad liked being more open, but he doesn't say those kinds of things himself. I was sorry I said it. I'm overall a good person. I don't know what happened. I don't know why I felt that guilt. I am more bored with myself. She shouldn't have done that!

So

I'm thinking I can't call her every day. I'm thinking of calling her once a week starting at the beginning of the school year. :p Or just once in awhile, maybe not that often or maybe not at all. I have to send her a letter saying I'm not talking now. I told me aunt to tell her, though.

So, I'm still mad.

Ever since I talked to my grandma on the phone once and I simply said I don't know if I'll go without eating for a long time again or not and maybe some other things, I looked more simple. I had just gotten my contacts and was looking more detailed because I could exchange what I saw. I even felt my nose's bump go away while we were talking.

She had me call her every day and do a Bible reading, but I stopped on my birthday. She was always onto me since a certain point and acting like she can do anything in the world and owns me or everybody, but that doesn't seem to be true, essentially.

I'm so mad. What happened to me? My face is so plain. I mean, I'm faring well, but what is this? I can't change the past and all the good things that happened, but that was wrong. She acts like she has liberty over me, as do other people. I even saw today someone retreat feeling hurt by what someone else thought of them after they were mean to me.

Christina Barrett

Sunday, June 10, 2012

'T'won't be long.

I go somewhere tomorrow morning.

So, blast me for something I didn't do!