Bad Night Out

2 Things

I was thinking about how it was fun to post the semi-nude photo...  I came across some fat people it seems sitting in front of their house talking.  I heard the lady say, "Never."  I heard the guy spit loudly.  Don't bark at me for the "n" word thing or anything.  That was wrong.  People can't act like I have bad intentions when I don't, and racism is never correct, right?

So, then I started thinking.  What if, like since I thought of my belt not fitting, I'd been thinking of curse words and people could tell ... I thought of like my future babies, and it's become something of an obsession that I have to put in check and it's hard.

I was thinking of how my family wouldn't care and think that's okay.  It seems they're being suggestive, at least my mom.  I don't think that's right.  I think that's ditzy.  I'm sad my night was ruined but happy I learned something essentially unharmed.  It's not worth reasoning with my parents.  They're totally out of the picture, now, at least my mom in this, who tries to make things right to her ideals, though.  I suppose it's food for thought, but ever since I said something that wasn't pointedly bad people have been being mean to me and that makes no sense.  Some people deliberately have been steering my life downhill.  For some reason, this keeps hovering|looming in the distance.

Back to what's important in this thing, I guess it depends on my awareness.

I don't really mind people doing things I want them to do anyway.  I just figure that's what it should be.  I mean a lot is at stake.  I don't like people insisting things on me that don't make sense.

I think this thing is bothering me.  People always want me to think of how it's wrong to curse, but I shouldn't because that will make me curse.  That's why it's not right to bring up things.  Maybe, things are different, but no one should have to suffer this all the time around others.  It's making me think I shouldn't be around my parents.  My dad cares about me essentially but takes advantage of things, like mental medicine.  My mom just accepts what happens to me like it doesn't matter, anymore, because it's not about her.

My point is, I actually think.

My parents do what they think is right, and I try to respect that, though it's not something I do to anyone nor would want to nor think I will.

My parents seem to think they're a certain way because my dad's from up north and my mom is from out of the U.S.  Like, they seem to be making fun of me for my thinking.  I'm just suffering as an innocent person.  I'm lucky, too, and shouldn't be brought down and made to suffer like Jesus Christ.  Like, they're acting like, just because of things I thought I should be doing and messing up though I've always been a good person with an attitude, that it's just all fun like oh wait a second you did this so you can't feel a certain way randomly all the time, barking at me for the "n" word thing, like they're so cute.  They're not genuinely like this.  They've raised the family down south.  They put it on as a guise.  I think it really is how people are where they're from, though, despite what other sources say.

What I do is I actually think about things and all the details.  I don't say oh well it's still wrong maybe there is no special situation to think about, I'm going along with the crowd even though there is no crowd.  I dunno, trying to get back to me, it's like you actually think of things specifically.  You know the truth.  There is no piñata.