The DVD Thing

I just wanted something to do I guess.  I had a feeling.  I guess that feeling was wrong.  I don't know why.  I think it was simply because I was told to do it.  I mean, I'm allowed to.  I mean, really, maybe it doesn't change anything.  I guess I should have realized the situation.  I have another situation.  Kate Bush has released lots of new CDs, and I want to get a Nook next month and for some reason don't have much money.  Also, I want to buy a book online, now.  Anyway, iTunes lets you enjoy songs one at a time and still get a discount as you complete the CD.  I don't have enough money!  :(  I don't have clothes!  I wasted my money on stuff I don't like, proving I should have already bought these things.  I've bought all of Viggo Mortensen's, well the beginning 10 or something, DVDs but have been living life just watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and picking at other things to do somehow.

I'm thinking I've done something awful.

I think the problem is I will not live my life in limbo not talking about anything I want.  I can't even do what I want in private what's agreed upon with another person.  Anyway, I can shut up, but some things are important to know, and writing them out helps me.  Who's gonna care?  I can think it.  I shouldn't, but it settles the issue for me.  I thought it was right because I don't understand it.  If someone doesn't want me to say something doesn't mean it's the right thing.  It might be important.  I can't think unless I think out loud, and I have a need to communicate.  People are gonna find out, anyway, I mean like the things that are going on in general.  I don't know how to deal with this, but I'm not rude in what I do.  I was just treated wrongly myself, and there was no reason for it.  Maybe, in a way, there was.

I think the mistake|s people made are like in punishing me for the "n" word thing.  I can't believe the world.  If you'll notice, I mean, I've said that they wanted to do it and they did.  So what?  I won't do it again because it's not cool.  I'm just being treated sorta stupidly.  It's not good for other people to live like this.  I really see a lot in other people.  I don't feel popular, but it's good, I don't want to be.