So

I'm not too upset about this type of impression, but I am wondering about the quick hatred of people who don't live in a den.  I cozied up my room now that I had my own!  My downfall was trying to redo my room when I was 16 and that I didn't.  I just sat there, not feeling totally well, thinking about it...  I don't know if I'll be painting the garage.  At least in my dorm, I had a place to put plastic vines of flowers.  It was the most decorated except that I didn't have like an entire carpet.  We had a long desk, but otherwise it was a small space to share, as are all dorms, which is  mistake because hotels are much better suited for people staying only a little while...

Something is still wrong with my room, but at least it's in order.  It's not in the most ideal of order but in order.

So, then basically there's people who not only come from a decorated or potpourri-ed life but also people who don't seem to have another element, which I'm feeling maybe they do have, but something about breaking down life into the simplest of all views and winging it with that as a foundation for all thoughts until they have to change something.  Whew!?

So, I also know there's people who are always surrounded by their memory.  It's not like it comes like through the air to a cell phone.  Right now, I'm doing something where it is like that.  I don't think of lots of things at once, anymore.  I just have like reactions and can figure out the best outcome using brain muscles I got from things like exercising my physical body, pretty much that's it, it seems to be.

It seems that if someone from Europe messes up it's okay, and if someone who's not all white does that it doesn't.

I have a certain memory of things I've learned through writing online.  :p

So, there are, I mean after all... only so many things one needs to think of.  I guess I've found I was right that certain things are ridiculous to punish.  You're gonna end up just bashing someone for fun.  I've found I have to quickly figure I'm innocent to "dodge the bullets?"

I don't know where the idea came from that I don't myself come from a comfortable life.  I thought people growing up were jealous of me and that that was the thing because my life was settled.  It certainly wasn't potpourri-ed, but later on it was incensed, though you might say.  It's quite stifling.  I always felt surrounded by problems, so-to-speak.  It was an issue of attitude.  I always tried to be good, but apparently my parents didn't provide me with an environment where I could succeed.  I was always considered privileged to the point that I didn't count.  Yes, though, it's not like our house looked like a home.  It was more like a warehouse.  Actually, no, we had books and stuff.  We lived in some apartments.  All apartments are probably set a certain way.  :|

I guess in the end people are trying to find reasons to say they have a better attitude.  Why would that be important?  I guess it also tells you you could probably be better off if your life were more like theirs in some way..  I pretty much dress up my life online.  I know I left things plain, but it's neat and makes sense.  I dunno, maybe I should dress it up more.  My dad asked if I want a table.  Maybe I should say yes so that I can paint it pink.  :(  My room is really makeshift just because of money.  It's still a livable place where I can grow up?  I don't remember many decorations growing up, but we had like thoughtful things.  My dad doesn't want holes in the wall, neither, so I don't know about that.  I suppose if we had a permanent expensive home we could.  I always thought my dad never got what he deserved and of course not my mom.

Come to think of it, I did win out in life because I had a decorated dorm room.  I had like hot pink matching stuff maybe.  Funny.  I had an elongated bed, as colleges tend to all have, and this hot pink duvet|cover.  My dad is making an elongated desk before with and for my brother.  I'm sure I did well in life and started to live in a world of magic because of all my little efforts.

I'm seeing that other people want to beat just me for some reason in being the best at being the best of other cultures, including the ones that have dark skin or live in the heat or whatever, while still being more white.  Sure, but that's not ever what I was talking about.  I'm into European things and have been since I started liking from The Little House Books and American Girls, old-fashioned things in the U.S.  So, I was about 9.  I'm pretty upset with my parents all the time lately from the fact that I pay attention to all the little details and they see things basically as scrat.  They think it's my flaw to understand what's going on and not make the right decisions because of it.  People have seem to always have caught onto me for that for awhile, I mean.  They say or think I mean, oh that basically means this or that and that's how that's gonna have to work out because I already have another problem that supposedly matters even.  That problem is something that affects me that doesn't have to, so people are just playing with me to begin with.

You know, I'm sure my life is much more cozy than other people's.  I'm pretty clean, too, and balanced.  I have things.  I have priorities.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm talking to Jews, too.

I think I can see into the situation, now, and understand it pretty much basically.  I don't want to get into it.  I just want to know what I need to know about what I know about.

Some people are really into fluffing up their life but don't have things how they need them to be.  It's because they spent their time doing something to get ahead in another way, and then I know it turns out they're not happy with themselves and bring this influence onto others.

I guess there are funny ways of finding things out with other people.  Some people don't like to talk.  Some things are just to be expected, but it seems pretty harmless, though I'm wary of it.