Regret

I was having a nice time at home growing more with my parents supporting me while I was too tired to work.

After my birthday, last year, I started calling my grandma every day, maybe sometime in September or October and until my birthday just about a month ago.

My aunt visited me my birthday last year.  I am glad she came, but if I were go to back in time I would probably tell her to come some other time since my birthday at the time was kinda private with just my immediate family.  It's what I'd tell anyone.  I told a girl a little younger than me that on my 15th birthday, I think it was.

I had a lot of fun going to the movies every weekend with my dad.

The birthday before, I had just gotten out of the mental hospital and my hair was pretty short, maybe an inch or show long of being shaved bald.  I was experimenting with hair dye.  Twice, I shaved my head after experimenting with hair dye.  I almost was gonna do it again but decided I was unique and might have had some influence not to, after all.

So, when I got out of the mental hospital it was still 2010.  My birthday this year was so marvelous.  I just pray the future holds fortune.

I had fun going to the movies with my dad and calling his mom each night.  I guess going to the movies was worth it since it taught me to sit through movies alas again.  I had taken a break.

The big cut in my life was me thinking someone wanted me to call their daughter the "n" word in good fun online because people started feeling violent toward me all the time naturally.

My grandma is pretty healthy, but I'm gonna have to say moreso that I wish I didn't start calling her again after my break because (1) it was awkward, (2) we've actually gotten upset at each other though don't have problems forgetting it, and (3) I just wanted that private time with my parents and this ended up being late each night, usually, when my parents were actually here.  I'm sending my grandma a letter saying I might start calling back like in a few months.

My life isn't really settled.  Talking to her makes life seem longer though, so it may be helpful.  I'd even slept a lot then, in anticipation of my birthday coming up, when we went to Disney and I had like the best time of my life, my family and I, my dad, mom, and younger brother.

It feels like it's too late all the time, but something always comes up.  I am thankful for the good times I had, but I wonder what it would have been like otherwise.  It's funny when I didn't come up my grandma started telling me to call her more often, too.  I actually did when I became a young adult.

I firmly believe that things weren't rectified in my life and that they didn't make sense.