Sunday, June 17, 2012
Well, I suppose I can accept
that certain things happen. However, I suppose there are better ways things could happen, if one only knew. I hope I'm not really out to get people. I don't think I am. I've sacrificed for a lot, you know, but I suppose so have others.
So
I only wear my good new pajamas after I've taken a shower. I wonder if I'll be so engaged tonight I won't take a shower. I've of course already taken my medicine.
So!
You can actually do something wrong if someone else in the world did something wrong, too. It doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want!
I can't trust you, anymore.
...I can't trust anyone else. If you wanted someone to curse with you, do you believe in like seeing if they do it already and if they might doing without using words not talking to you directly or being a bit indirect in their motives?
Also, I wanted to be able to trust "good" older people but grew up thinking I couldn't. Some people don't want to lay down what will and will not happen, but maybe that's because ...
I noticed I need a little reassurance pointedly but don't feel like pointedly crying over anything.
Also, I wanted to be able to trust "good" older people but grew up thinking I couldn't. Some people don't want to lay down what will and will not happen, but maybe that's because ...
I noticed I need a little reassurance pointedly but don't feel like pointedly crying over anything.
I'm really mad, now!
QUIT DOING ILLEGAL THINGS TO ME AND ACTING LIKE I DESERVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE.
I'm mad about the Twitter thing.
Anyway, so I was thinking of getting a glow-in-the-dark Nook. My dad brought up something about the book Snow White in relation to the movie. I asked him about it because I thought he was trying to make me think of it when I got my Nook, and he wasn't like in a proper|good mood or whatever for some reason.. So, I took it badly, to say, and then he said "figure" like he wasn't even thinking, though I believe he "did it on purpose" with no purpose maybe, and then he said "book" like he sounded like thinking of a kid book. I blew up following that experience and he was making threats at me about medicine after I said I might call the police on him, being that they call the police on me when I get mad that they're not admitting they're being very suggestive to me. See, there is always a reason.
It's funny Twitter is even logged in now.
I don't agree with anyone who believes they can punish nor stimulate me.
For the 1st time, I tested it out, and I didn't have to log in.
I'm also wondering if some people are overly touchy-feely. Like, think about the fact that they caused something. Do I deserve to be punished like killed?
I'm mad about the Twitter thing.
Anyway, so I was thinking of getting a glow-in-the-dark Nook. My dad brought up something about the book Snow White in relation to the movie. I asked him about it because I thought he was trying to make me think of it when I got my Nook, and he wasn't like in a proper|good mood or whatever for some reason.. So, I took it badly, to say, and then he said "figure" like he wasn't even thinking, though I believe he "did it on purpose" with no purpose maybe, and then he said "book" like he sounded like thinking of a kid book. I blew up following that experience and he was making threats at me about medicine after I said I might call the police on him, being that they call the police on me when I get mad that they're not admitting they're being very suggestive to me. See, there is always a reason.
It's funny Twitter is even logged in now.
I don't agree with anyone who believes they can punish nor stimulate me.
For the 1st time, I tested it out, and I didn't have to log in.
I'm also wondering if some people are overly touchy-feely. Like, think about the fact that they caused something. Do I deserve to be punished like killed?
Blogger and Twitter
The Twitter tab used to close after posting my last blog post, but now it doesn't! I looked up if it would get published automatically, and it just gave the same site that only posts posts every 15 minutes at best.
For some reason, my hands are kinda shaking typing and I don't feel as happy doing it in my hands. It's mainly the left one.
Today, my dad's been acting like to annoy me extra good to my brother all of a sudden and it's after talking to my grandma|his mom. She seems to be acting like I'm bad all of a sudden because of the "n" word thing and that maybe everything is okay with someone else in the family, instead, like in relation to the mishap with the "n" word I had.
For some reason, my hands are kinda shaking typing and I don't feel as happy doing it in my hands. It's mainly the left one.
Today, my dad's been acting like to annoy me extra good to my brother all of a sudden and it's after talking to my grandma|his mom. She seems to be acting like I'm bad all of a sudden because of the "n" word thing and that maybe everything is okay with someone else in the family, instead, like in relation to the mishap with the "n" word I had.
Punishment
Sometimes, people don't realize what they're doing is what deserves to be punished. It's things they can't help. It's certain decisions they might have happened to make. It's things that are obscure, in a way, that don't make sense.
Lesson Learned
It's always this way. People get me into a situation where I'm comfortable with them, give some fluffy obscure warning ... and then sorta ditch the whole situation.
I think someone learned something very special tonight, that sometimes it's no one's fault and that there doesn't have to be a bad guy. I got that loong ago!
I think someone learned something very special tonight, that sometimes it's no one's fault and that there doesn't have to be a bad guy. I got that loong ago!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Then, they get me to do it again to someone else...
...who seems to want it, pointedly, and then it's all over and accepted as something to take advantage of!
So, basically, these people say
I'm no good because I am privileged but "not all white.." But they then act like I should use a certain word and then act like it was wrong after I finally did it. It was in ways no one would probably see. Who knows, though. I ended up taking it back.
It was all planned out.
See, I never did anything wrong, to begin with! So, I am innocent.
I couldn't accept that I was called a nigger.
I see people set me up on purpose thinking they liked using bad words, so I used them with them.
1st, the daughter looked kinda not how she would like, but then she looked so glorious. It must have been planned out to do that after they get me to think they wanted me to call her the "n" word for fun! I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. I THOUGHT THEY WANTED IT AS AN EXCEPTION.
I couldn't accept that I was called a nigger.
I see people set me up on purpose thinking they liked using bad words, so I used them with them.
1st, the daughter looked kinda not how she would like, but then she looked so glorious. It must have been planned out to do that after they get me to think they wanted me to call her the "n" word for fun! I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. I THOUGHT THEY WANTED IT AS AN EXCEPTION.
I think I already cared to have things in place.
I'm not extra-late, am I? People keep thinking life is give and take and that some people are worse than others.
My Aim
is to just act normal and not get stimulated in inappropriate ways by the suggestions of my parents. I just have to ignore them, or they'll hurt me if I retaliate in my head. That's bad. I don't have to accept that. I don't want to call the police on them like they did with me when I was upset. I'm afraid that they'd call the police on me by making me forget not to get mad and will have gotten me mad. I just don't take this kind of fake humiliation. I don't have anything to be humiliated by. They just keep creating things, situations, that are to make me feel bad that aren't right. It's inappropriate. I've always been considered okay, but my dad just follows his instincts, like an animal, and was like acting like now my brother is better, when he's been bitter toward me and never takes any of my advice nor help, which he seems to beckon.
Back
Why does my mom keep acting now like I essentially don't care about anyone? She's been hanging out with my brother a lot. My brother used to have a problem with all of us, I guess me in particular for some reason though he's always wanted me out of my life, which is dorky because it was because he wanted his life to be mom and dad. He realized I was born 1st and though flawed had an easy life because he was willing to act tacky for my parents because we're mixed. :|
Back
Why does my mom keep acting now like I essentially don't care about anyone? She's been hanging out with my brother a lot. My brother used to have a problem with all of us, I guess me in particular for some reason though he's always wanted me out of my life, which is dorky because it was because he wanted his life to be mom and dad. He realized I was born 1st and though flawed had an easy life because he was willing to act tacky for my parents because we're mixed. :|
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