Monday, June 18, 2012
Excuses Excuses
Trying to follow others's logic. Then, they make the excuse that things have to go downhill anyway or else they will feel like something needs to happen.
Ad Libbing
I just didn't do anything, but people want to pick at what wasn't supposed to be picked at when things were tossed up, in a pretty friendly way...
Things are going hunky-dory, and I have a feeling things are being hashed.
It was the other way around with people before. Certain people wanted life for me to be crude, and others wanted it to be fluff. They get through to what they're through to.
I have a feeling this is going back to that time I got upset that something was lodged in my memory, but you can always think of it in relation to something else. I think things are really catching on.
You know, there are some things I don't remember doing.
Things are going hunky-dory, and I have a feeling things are being hashed.
It was the other way around with people before. Certain people wanted life for me to be crude, and others wanted it to be fluff. They get through to what they're through to.
I have a feeling this is going back to that time I got upset that something was lodged in my memory, but you can always think of it in relation to something else. I think things are really catching on.
You know, there are some things I don't remember doing.
I thought Irish people were cool.
I thought they were kinda like the English.
They seem kinda gifted.
I'm thinking, though, that Irish is pretty straightforward.
They seem kinda gifted.
I'm thinking, though, that Irish is pretty straightforward.
I wonder
it seems it was big in New Orleans that if you seem right you get wronged. I need a place to grow and develop, too!
Ah!
I kinda wished I quit college in New Orleans and moved to Orlando. I can't believe I'm already 26. I've been here for 6 years.
I will not do anything to say I did it.
I mean, I don't say "nigger."
People think that I am one and that me being a good person doesn't make them look as good by comparison.
People think that I am one and that me being a good person doesn't make them look as good by comparison.
You know, it's very peculiar
people would get at me like I'm not even already branded a good person. All these things that happened were just to get at me.
See
People really prefer to do things that aren't really safe for me.
They say, oh, you deserve it, but it's not good for me, and in the end people forget that people wanted me to do it for their own fun. I can't get beyond this. People are just stuck here and blame all their problems on me, literally.
They say, oh, you deserve it, but it's not good for me, and in the end people forget that people wanted me to do it for their own fun. I can't get beyond this. People are just stuck here and blame all their problems on me, literally.
So, what's at stake?
It seems that lots of people get away with saying certain things. Maybe, they don't expect anything to happen, but I guess people go out of their way to get them back even if things should be okay and perhaps more casual. I don't know. For some reason, the thought escaped me.
I used to just post online innocently, and I didn't know anyone was following me. I didn't look to see if they were. I was happier. Then, something happened. ... I had nothing else to do but to start looking up more on the internet and ended up meeting people I wasn't prepared to meet. I sorta wish I did it before, so that things would be cool, probably.
I used to just post online innocently, and I didn't know anyone was following me. I didn't look to see if they were. I was happier. Then, something happened. ... I had nothing else to do but to start looking up more on the internet and ended up meeting people I wasn't prepared to meet. I sorta wish I did it before, so that things would be cool, probably.
Oh, so, I see, now.
Supposedly, bad things are in store to happen, anyway, but maybe not. I wonder why people can't just shift it in the other direction.
I feel this is all some big game
of mixed people who have Irish genes, but somehow I'm not playing.
People think the Irish are all creative and stuff and cool and nasty at the same time.
They think it's about like stimulating someone in a way before they get criticized and depending on how much you're used to getting away without doing anything wrong, they will proportion certain amounts of punishments, moreso if you're a perfectionist just to be nasty.
Just think of how all I just said applies as to what doing something wrong is.
They try to copy others and see how you are treated and then do something in the wrong way trying to look cool. Well, it might seem cool, but I'm thinking of how you try to control certain people as though you have more of a handle on the situation. I was brought up to have respect for other ways of thinking, but it's backfired with people who are mad and don't care. It makes me wonder. You could actually look at it as a topic. I just feel things are being brought up with me postpartum. I can see why. I suppose everyone gets to have a say or has to have a message to give. I suppose I could be in the wrong, but people forget how I'm in the right in other ways and how my intentions must have been pure. I suppose those things I do are a bit crazy. I guess we'll see what else happens and if we can move along.
People think the Irish are all creative and stuff and cool and nasty at the same time.
They think it's about like stimulating someone in a way before they get criticized and depending on how much you're used to getting away without doing anything wrong, they will proportion certain amounts of punishments, moreso if you're a perfectionist just to be nasty.
Just think of how all I just said applies as to what doing something wrong is.
They try to copy others and see how you are treated and then do something in the wrong way trying to look cool. Well, it might seem cool, but I'm thinking of how you try to control certain people as though you have more of a handle on the situation. I was brought up to have respect for other ways of thinking, but it's backfired with people who are mad and don't care. It makes me wonder. You could actually look at it as a topic. I just feel things are being brought up with me postpartum. I can see why. I suppose everyone gets to have a say or has to have a message to give. I suppose I could be in the wrong, but people forget how I'm in the right in other ways and how my intentions must have been pure. I suppose those things I do are a bit crazy. I guess we'll see what else happens and if we can move along.
I was gonna say something else.
Well, yea, like I can do or say something while I'm upset and people still take advantage of that even if I don't want to show it.
Something "Creative" People Do
They like to make me get upset and then act like it's so bad to get a bit upset inside when something bad is about to happen, not sure why, just to make it seem like I can't be perfect and that it happened because I got a little upset inside.
What did I do wrong?
People are so critical of when I get upset. Things for me aren't so good, anymore. In a way, they are, I have to see, that things should always be okay at some level. If I do something normal where I'm mad but not actually intentionally, people get at me in unproportionate manners. They all want me to learn certain things on how to live my life but never do it in words but rather take up my life in order to do it. I thought if someone did something to you, you could be upset or do something about it or change your ways, hopefully though that you find a good way to change things.
Why do people keep getting at me?
Every time I do something that could have been done better, people take something away from me. I even end up finding good things in it each time, which makes me feel tricked. Still, it changes things and makes me uncomfortable. I don't feel I was even beckoned to be as critical. Some things just aren't full-blown the deed, and I go back and rethink what I thought that should have been different. Things all happen for reasons, though, but I just have to learn from what happens and try not to do anything bad in the first place...
Not Letting Me Get Away
It seems people aren't through with me and think they have a right to boss me around in what I should do and how I should act.
Well, I never met anything bad, so go weep over that. I mean, I never had bad intentions. I thought it was the thought that counted.
Well, talk about not knowing what you want for a long time with someone.
So, I'm supposedly not worth much, when I'm a lot nicer than most people.
People act like they like kidding around, but certain situations get to them.
I wish I were off in college or had some sort of career. I'm guessing you want to eventually take that away from me somehow but can't.
Anyway, now what? I am curious as to how someone can still be engaged in a thought long after they've abandoned it.
I think people are getting at me just because they can but skipping people who are downright oblivious to others's feelings.
I don't feel I need to be taught a lesson. Maybe, I could do with some adjusting and conversation on things like etiquette.
Suddenly, people are acting like I'm really bad when I never start anything. I do get upset and do things by accident. Others influence me in my decisions when I try to butter up their issues for them. I suppose it hurts to do some things you don't have to that aren't really that nice.
I just don't feel people should be hacking away at me.
Another thing is I never really asked for an unproportionate amount of attention from anyone. I've been upset at not getting any but soon learned the freedom I had in going online.
I am curious about people getting plain mad at me for nothing. I don't know what's going on.
So, I dunno. I just feel this is being celebrated a lot. It's clear it's a scheme.
Well, what can I say? I'm sorry about some things and take them back. I never meant anything bad in the first place.
Some things don't "sit well" with me, actually. I mean, I guess they'd humor others, but I feel I am destined for failure if I mess up in in one wrong move.
I don't quite understand being punished for something that was actually a misunderstanding, strange at it may seem.
I suppose people try to dip in a little in the pool without really getting at me. So, they like to practice creative ways of getting at me. I didn't really think that was nice, though. I suppose others are just dealing with the situation and want to get into it.
Later, maybe.
Well, sure, you are supposed to suffer some to right things.
Well, I never met anything bad, so go weep over that. I mean, I never had bad intentions. I thought it was the thought that counted.
Well, talk about not knowing what you want for a long time with someone.
So, I'm supposedly not worth much, when I'm a lot nicer than most people.
People act like they like kidding around, but certain situations get to them.
I wish I were off in college or had some sort of career. I'm guessing you want to eventually take that away from me somehow but can't.
Anyway, now what? I am curious as to how someone can still be engaged in a thought long after they've abandoned it.
I think people are getting at me just because they can but skipping people who are downright oblivious to others's feelings.
I don't feel I need to be taught a lesson. Maybe, I could do with some adjusting and conversation on things like etiquette.
Suddenly, people are acting like I'm really bad when I never start anything. I do get upset and do things by accident. Others influence me in my decisions when I try to butter up their issues for them. I suppose it hurts to do some things you don't have to that aren't really that nice.
I just don't feel people should be hacking away at me.
Another thing is I never really asked for an unproportionate amount of attention from anyone. I've been upset at not getting any but soon learned the freedom I had in going online.
I am curious about people getting plain mad at me for nothing. I don't know what's going on.
So, I dunno. I just feel this is being celebrated a lot. It's clear it's a scheme.
Well, what can I say? I'm sorry about some things and take them back. I never meant anything bad in the first place.
Some things don't "sit well" with me, actually. I mean, I guess they'd humor others, but I feel I am destined for failure if I mess up in in one wrong move.
I don't quite understand being punished for something that was actually a misunderstanding, strange at it may seem.
I suppose people try to dip in a little in the pool without really getting at me. So, they like to practice creative ways of getting at me. I didn't really think that was nice, though. I suppose others are just dealing with the situation and want to get into it.
Later, maybe.
Well, sure, you are supposed to suffer some to right things.
College
I feel as though I was supposed to have a good college experience maybe in voice and ballet when I was still younger.
So, I see people
princessing others around. Okay. This is kinda dragging on. People don't really get what position I'm in. Princess away without me.
People of Less Fru-Fru Cultures
When they're clearly not into something don't need to come to annoy people.
What do you see?
People going overboard thinking I did terrible things that need to be punished redundantly?
Sure, maybe they were the ones who promoted the opposing views, but then again so did the people who hate on it now. You could try to deny it in some people. It is kind of obvious, though, that my goodness was condoned.
Sure, maybe they were the ones who promoted the opposing views, but then again so did the people who hate on it now. You could try to deny it in some people. It is kind of obvious, though, that my goodness was condoned.
I'm having trouble deciding on a major.
My mom said I should do theater. I'm thinking that means I hijack to the new community college and take the prerequisites for musical theater and in due time transfer to UCF to major in musical theater there.
The other thing is that I wanted to do an associates in dance, which is only offered at a different community college, which is okay actually. It doesn't have musical theater, strangely enough, but I was thinking of doing music, instead, on top of dance.
The other thing is that I wanted to do an associates in dance, which is only offered at a different community college, which is okay actually. It doesn't have musical theater, strangely enough, but I was thinking of doing music, instead, on top of dance.
We float off, and we die.
Nothing matters, anymore.
I don't know how to talk to the dead much, but I know how to believe in life.
Might as well die.
I don't know how to talk to the dead much, but I know how to believe in life.
Might as well die.
Regret
I was having a nice time at home growing more with my parents supporting me while I was too tired to work.
After my birthday, last year, I started calling my grandma every day, maybe sometime in September or October and until my birthday just about a month ago.
My aunt visited me my birthday last year. I am glad she came, but if I were go to back in time I would probably tell her to come some other time since my birthday at the time was kinda private with just my immediate family. It's what I'd tell anyone. I told a girl a little younger than me that on my 15th birthday, I think it was.
I had a lot of fun going to the movies every weekend with my dad.
The birthday before, I had just gotten out of the mental hospital and my hair was pretty short, maybe an inch or show long of being shaved bald. I was experimenting with hair dye. Twice, I shaved my head after experimenting with hair dye. I almost was gonna do it again but decided I was unique and might have had some influence not to, after all.
So, when I got out of the mental hospital it was still 2010. My birthday this year was so marvelous. I just pray the future holds fortune.
I had fun going to the movies with my dad and calling his mom each night. I guess going to the movies was worth it since it taught me to sit through movies alas again. I had taken a break.
The big cut in my life was me thinking someone wanted me to call their daughter the "n" word in good fun online because people started feeling violent toward me all the time naturally.
My grandma is pretty healthy, but I'm gonna have to say moreso that I wish I didn't start calling her again after my break because (1) it was awkward, (2) we've actually gotten upset at each other though don't have problems forgetting it, and (3) I just wanted that private time with my parents and this ended up being late each night, usually, when my parents were actually here. I'm sending my grandma a letter saying I might start calling back like in a few months.
My life isn't really settled. Talking to her makes life seem longer though, so it may be helpful. I'd even slept a lot then, in anticipation of my birthday coming up, when we went to Disney and I had like the best time of my life, my family and I, my dad, mom, and younger brother.
It feels like it's too late all the time, but something always comes up. I am thankful for the good times I had, but I wonder what it would have been like otherwise. It's funny when I didn't come up my grandma started telling me to call her more often, too. I actually did when I became a young adult.
I firmly believe that things weren't rectified in my life and that they didn't make sense.
After my birthday, last year, I started calling my grandma every day, maybe sometime in September or October and until my birthday just about a month ago.
My aunt visited me my birthday last year. I am glad she came, but if I were go to back in time I would probably tell her to come some other time since my birthday at the time was kinda private with just my immediate family. It's what I'd tell anyone. I told a girl a little younger than me that on my 15th birthday, I think it was.
I had a lot of fun going to the movies every weekend with my dad.
The birthday before, I had just gotten out of the mental hospital and my hair was pretty short, maybe an inch or show long of being shaved bald. I was experimenting with hair dye. Twice, I shaved my head after experimenting with hair dye. I almost was gonna do it again but decided I was unique and might have had some influence not to, after all.
So, when I got out of the mental hospital it was still 2010. My birthday this year was so marvelous. I just pray the future holds fortune.
I had fun going to the movies with my dad and calling his mom each night. I guess going to the movies was worth it since it taught me to sit through movies alas again. I had taken a break.
The big cut in my life was me thinking someone wanted me to call their daughter the "n" word in good fun online because people started feeling violent toward me all the time naturally.
My grandma is pretty healthy, but I'm gonna have to say moreso that I wish I didn't start calling her again after my break because (1) it was awkward, (2) we've actually gotten upset at each other though don't have problems forgetting it, and (3) I just wanted that private time with my parents and this ended up being late each night, usually, when my parents were actually here. I'm sending my grandma a letter saying I might start calling back like in a few months.
My life isn't really settled. Talking to her makes life seem longer though, so it may be helpful. I'd even slept a lot then, in anticipation of my birthday coming up, when we went to Disney and I had like the best time of my life, my family and I, my dad, mom, and younger brother.
It feels like it's too late all the time, but something always comes up. I am thankful for the good times I had, but I wonder what it would have been like otherwise. It's funny when I didn't come up my grandma started telling me to call her more often, too. I actually did when I became a young adult.
I firmly believe that things weren't rectified in my life and that they didn't make sense.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Did you ever get yourself really upset
and end up giving clues? D: I guess there's no reason|sense in being upset. I guess I just blew up and got over my anger. |: That's good that it shouldn't happen again.
So, I was hoping
my dad would fix the fact that he got something stuck in my head. He just likes to make me feel guilty all the time because of the stupid "n" word thing.
I realized
not to get upset at someone saying something I might remember because everyone does that. Also, people seem to fade it in their memory with other things. I did not know that.
I noticed
no one ever talks about how they feel.
Like, I feel like I'm surrounded by this feeling or something.
Like, I feel like I'm surrounded by this feeling or something.
Back to Basics
I'm not sure what that is, but it seems people can say something is a certain way from the most base thinking possible, which is a good thing to be able to rehash.
* * *
* * *
Importance of What You Do
It's a signal for people to communicate.
It's originally what's at stake because people can't control everything you do if you're on the platform.
It's originally what's at stake because people can't control everything you do if you're on the platform.
I don't like my life to be dug into.
I miss when I was respected.
It's just that things have changed so much for me.
It's just that things have changed so much for me.
I didn't know I was hurting my brother
until a pause after closing the door, but he seemed to feel pretty bad. I suppose he's not that bad, though our relationship can get out of hand.
What about thinking "Well, at least I did it..."
when you are trying to do something good but want it to also mean a punishment? Sometimes, it goes the other way around.
I don't see anything about me that needs punishment. The "n" word thing is already highly overstated and wasn't even my idea, don't think it's the coolest thing you could do, nor that it's okay.
I don't see anything about me that needs punishment. The "n" word thing is already highly overstated and wasn't even my idea, don't think it's the coolest thing you could do, nor that it's okay.
I think I hurt my brother.
I was really stimulated and closed the car door in a way that probably hurt his feelings.
You know
people do things by accident when they are mad.
Also, there are ways to do something wrong to someone in a certain situation. I can't think of anyone who's not really worth anything, worth keeping alive.
Also, there are ways to do something wrong to someone in a certain situation. I can't think of anyone who's not really worth anything, worth keeping alive.
Goals
It took a long time for me to get it, but it seems that people are happy about my situation and know I'll never have things the way they should be. That's a bit suggestive.
So, you'll want to get good at
shrugging off things and assuming they're not going to be your fault.
I was going to say something else, too, but forgot.
I was going to say something else, too, but forgot.
D: Priceless
I don't know what could be suggested from words, but I know that words don't describe anything and didn't mean certain things in certain ways. On different levels, I suppose I should care for my actions. I realized there are some things I can't do. I don't know, though, if I should do them. :|
I don't see what I did that was so horrible that
I don't even deserve to get the relief of like, which doesn't make sense, ... ?: ... doing something to try to make up for it because the gratification wouldn't be worth it.
Well, I suppose I can accept
that certain things happen. However, I suppose there are better ways things could happen, if one only knew. I hope I'm not really out to get people. I don't think I am. I've sacrificed for a lot, you know, but I suppose so have others.
So
I only wear my good new pajamas after I've taken a shower. I wonder if I'll be so engaged tonight I won't take a shower. I've of course already taken my medicine.
So!
You can actually do something wrong if someone else in the world did something wrong, too. It doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want!
I can't trust you, anymore.
...I can't trust anyone else. If you wanted someone to curse with you, do you believe in like seeing if they do it already and if they might doing without using words not talking to you directly or being a bit indirect in their motives?
Also, I wanted to be able to trust "good" older people but grew up thinking I couldn't. Some people don't want to lay down what will and will not happen, but maybe that's because ...
I noticed I need a little reassurance pointedly but don't feel like pointedly crying over anything.
Also, I wanted to be able to trust "good" older people but grew up thinking I couldn't. Some people don't want to lay down what will and will not happen, but maybe that's because ...
I noticed I need a little reassurance pointedly but don't feel like pointedly crying over anything.
I'm really mad, now!
QUIT DOING ILLEGAL THINGS TO ME AND ACTING LIKE I DESERVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE.
I'm mad about the Twitter thing.
Anyway, so I was thinking of getting a glow-in-the-dark Nook. My dad brought up something about the book Snow White in relation to the movie. I asked him about it because I thought he was trying to make me think of it when I got my Nook, and he wasn't like in a proper|good mood or whatever for some reason.. So, I took it badly, to say, and then he said "figure" like he wasn't even thinking, though I believe he "did it on purpose" with no purpose maybe, and then he said "book" like he sounded like thinking of a kid book. I blew up following that experience and he was making threats at me about medicine after I said I might call the police on him, being that they call the police on me when I get mad that they're not admitting they're being very suggestive to me. See, there is always a reason.
It's funny Twitter is even logged in now.
I don't agree with anyone who believes they can punish nor stimulate me.
For the 1st time, I tested it out, and I didn't have to log in.
I'm also wondering if some people are overly touchy-feely. Like, think about the fact that they caused something. Do I deserve to be punished like killed?
I'm mad about the Twitter thing.
Anyway, so I was thinking of getting a glow-in-the-dark Nook. My dad brought up something about the book Snow White in relation to the movie. I asked him about it because I thought he was trying to make me think of it when I got my Nook, and he wasn't like in a proper|good mood or whatever for some reason.. So, I took it badly, to say, and then he said "figure" like he wasn't even thinking, though I believe he "did it on purpose" with no purpose maybe, and then he said "book" like he sounded like thinking of a kid book. I blew up following that experience and he was making threats at me about medicine after I said I might call the police on him, being that they call the police on me when I get mad that they're not admitting they're being very suggestive to me. See, there is always a reason.
It's funny Twitter is even logged in now.
I don't agree with anyone who believes they can punish nor stimulate me.
For the 1st time, I tested it out, and I didn't have to log in.
I'm also wondering if some people are overly touchy-feely. Like, think about the fact that they caused something. Do I deserve to be punished like killed?
Blogger and Twitter
The Twitter tab used to close after posting my last blog post, but now it doesn't! I looked up if it would get published automatically, and it just gave the same site that only posts posts every 15 minutes at best.
For some reason, my hands are kinda shaking typing and I don't feel as happy doing it in my hands. It's mainly the left one.
Today, my dad's been acting like to annoy me extra good to my brother all of a sudden and it's after talking to my grandma|his mom. She seems to be acting like I'm bad all of a sudden because of the "n" word thing and that maybe everything is okay with someone else in the family, instead, like in relation to the mishap with the "n" word I had.
For some reason, my hands are kinda shaking typing and I don't feel as happy doing it in my hands. It's mainly the left one.
Today, my dad's been acting like to annoy me extra good to my brother all of a sudden and it's after talking to my grandma|his mom. She seems to be acting like I'm bad all of a sudden because of the "n" word thing and that maybe everything is okay with someone else in the family, instead, like in relation to the mishap with the "n" word I had.
Punishment
Sometimes, people don't realize what they're doing is what deserves to be punished. It's things they can't help. It's certain decisions they might have happened to make. It's things that are obscure, in a way, that don't make sense.
Lesson Learned
It's always this way. People get me into a situation where I'm comfortable with them, give some fluffy obscure warning ... and then sorta ditch the whole situation.
I think someone learned something very special tonight, that sometimes it's no one's fault and that there doesn't have to be a bad guy. I got that loong ago!
I think someone learned something very special tonight, that sometimes it's no one's fault and that there doesn't have to be a bad guy. I got that loong ago!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Then, they get me to do it again to someone else...
...who seems to want it, pointedly, and then it's all over and accepted as something to take advantage of!
So, basically, these people say
I'm no good because I am privileged but "not all white.." But they then act like I should use a certain word and then act like it was wrong after I finally did it. It was in ways no one would probably see. Who knows, though. I ended up taking it back.
It was all planned out.
See, I never did anything wrong, to begin with! So, I am innocent.
I couldn't accept that I was called a nigger.
I see people set me up on purpose thinking they liked using bad words, so I used them with them.
1st, the daughter looked kinda not how she would like, but then she looked so glorious. It must have been planned out to do that after they get me to think they wanted me to call her the "n" word for fun! I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. I THOUGHT THEY WANTED IT AS AN EXCEPTION.
I couldn't accept that I was called a nigger.
I see people set me up on purpose thinking they liked using bad words, so I used them with them.
1st, the daughter looked kinda not how she would like, but then she looked so glorious. It must have been planned out to do that after they get me to think they wanted me to call her the "n" word for fun! I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. I THOUGHT THEY WANTED IT AS AN EXCEPTION.
I think I already cared to have things in place.
I'm not extra-late, am I? People keep thinking life is give and take and that some people are worse than others.
My Aim
is to just act normal and not get stimulated in inappropriate ways by the suggestions of my parents. I just have to ignore them, or they'll hurt me if I retaliate in my head. That's bad. I don't have to accept that. I don't want to call the police on them like they did with me when I was upset. I'm afraid that they'd call the police on me by making me forget not to get mad and will have gotten me mad. I just don't take this kind of fake humiliation. I don't have anything to be humiliated by. They just keep creating things, situations, that are to make me feel bad that aren't right. It's inappropriate. I've always been considered okay, but my dad just follows his instincts, like an animal, and was like acting like now my brother is better, when he's been bitter toward me and never takes any of my advice nor help, which he seems to beckon.
Back
Why does my mom keep acting now like I essentially don't care about anyone? She's been hanging out with my brother a lot. My brother used to have a problem with all of us, I guess me in particular for some reason though he's always wanted me out of my life, which is dorky because it was because he wanted his life to be mom and dad. He realized I was born 1st and though flawed had an easy life because he was willing to act tacky for my parents because we're mixed. :|
Back
Why does my mom keep acting now like I essentially don't care about anyone? She's been hanging out with my brother a lot. My brother used to have a problem with all of us, I guess me in particular for some reason though he's always wanted me out of my life, which is dorky because it was because he wanted his life to be mom and dad. He realized I was born 1st and though flawed had an easy life because he was willing to act tacky for my parents because we're mixed. :|
I've been very careful.
Why should I have grown up flawed? I guess some people are just complicated in certain ways.
I don't see what this nonsense is about.
I will get very mad if you try to mess with my female stuff.
People keep thinking it's okay to say things that stimulate me for some reason
... It just happens, but I don't go coocoo|wacko.
So, I've been having more quality time with my family and was just writing to my grandma finally about why I decided not to talk on the phone for awhile. I think my mom may be suggesting I'm not worth it and should just vacate. I think she keeps wishing I wasn't alive, like that's okay and I can't even react.
It's like I said, I'm not putting up with the "n" word mess that has been dumped on me. That means I didn't actually want to do it and was in a way told to, not just some fortune telling.
So, I've been having more quality time with my family and was just writing to my grandma finally about why I decided not to talk on the phone for awhile. I think my mom may be suggesting I'm not worth it and should just vacate. I think she keeps wishing I wasn't alive, like that's okay and I can't even react.
It's like I said, I'm not putting up with the "n" word mess that has been dumped on me. That means I didn't actually want to do it and was in a way told to, not just some fortune telling.
Don't blame me and take out your anger on me
and not others just because you find you're not at the top. I don't think you'd even be able to hurt other people if you did!
I know I know how to handle things and not curse.
It's just that recently I've found that curse words come up with me when I'm hurt. Well, recently, I meant like in the past maybe 2 years.
Rough Handling Ensues
Seriously, people are "letting" other people do whatever they want to me, telling me what I'm doing is never really right. For instance, one person does something and another gets mad at them as someone I look up to.
Obviously
what's been accomplished is that they're also affecting other people when they affect me, and my grandma did that, as well.
So, also, my aunt doesn't seem to like long e-mails from me. I made some incredibly short ones in the past, but this time I spoke a little more partly or mainly since I was onto something.
I don't feel the secret messages I'm getting from my dad are worth it, basically, nor so good. He seemed sensitive about my relationship with my mom, as well, in the past. I don't like how the "n" word thing has affected my life, at all.
So, also, my aunt doesn't seem to like long e-mails from me. I made some incredibly short ones in the past, but this time I spoke a little more partly or mainly since I was onto something.
I don't feel the secret messages I'm getting from my dad are worth it, basically, nor so good. He seemed sensitive about my relationship with my mom, as well, in the past. I don't like how the "n" word thing has affected my life, at all.
I thought we just said...
...my dad didn't really know what he was doing.
For some reason, after he informed me *** I felt stimulated after awhile.
I had a rough time when the psychiatric person came over. My dad did something that bothered me, but I don't remember what it was. Then he put his hands in his pocket when I looked at him. He left them in there and walked away to do something in the same area, while my mom for some reason engaged in socializing with the person who came, who was a bit reserved.
I know my dad was trying to bother me by having me remember what my mom does on Saturdays while we keep a low profile.
Also, once after he talked to his mom|my grandma, he started making noises and going in positions like someone was being stimulated. I had a bad day. He also on that point decided to maybe do kickboxing but instead is getting an exercise bike for Father's Day from probably Wal-Mart but was gonna go for Sports Authority.
He's crazy. He doesn't even realize how he doesn't approve of his new attitude on me.
Something he did had offended me recently, but I don't quite remember what it was, offhand.
For some reason, after he informed me *** I felt stimulated after awhile.
I had a rough time when the psychiatric person came over. My dad did something that bothered me, but I don't remember what it was. Then he put his hands in his pocket when I looked at him. He left them in there and walked away to do something in the same area, while my mom for some reason engaged in socializing with the person who came, who was a bit reserved.
I know my dad was trying to bother me by having me remember what my mom does on Saturdays while we keep a low profile.
Also, once after he talked to his mom|my grandma, he started making noises and going in positions like someone was being stimulated. I had a bad day. He also on that point decided to maybe do kickboxing but instead is getting an exercise bike for Father's Day from probably Wal-Mart but was gonna go for Sports Authority.
He's crazy. He doesn't even realize how he doesn't approve of his new attitude on me.
Something he did had offended me recently, but I don't quite remember what it was, offhand.
It's funny when you finally realize
you weren't put in the same position as me thinking someone wanted to have fun with the "n" word and have you call them it.
*rolls on tippy toes*
People actually create a set of rules they follow without thinking about anything else, even if these rules are not finished and polished.
College
Am thinking I will take English II in the Fall online at a community college I need grade forgiveness from for 6 courses and then College Algebra in the Spring. Online, too. It seems the tool I need is to get General Studies done and then coast on different major courses. It's a pity I'm 26. It seems like the way to go. Also, they just came out with a glow-in-the-dark Nook, so I'll spend a portion of my money on it next month.
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