Christina Barrett

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Ughh!

Now, I'm still haunted with my ideas of vile.

What happened to provoke this? Let's see, what else can I do? Some "things" are so bad that they might seem to fit the bill, but it still is unacceptable. I fear people will miss this. I know I was surrounded by kids always saying their parents or whoever is gonna kill them. I couldn't stand it. I worried one day I would be like that. I was a little as an adult but not exactly. Then, the "n" word thing happened and it really got to me. Gladly, the effects seem to be wearing off... ? I probably need to figure that out more. It seems no one cares about my hygiene issues, my getting uncomfortable often if I'm not fresh from the shower and home. I look funny sometimes after I go out and sometimes not. I had a good picture after going out for a smoothie and a walk around our old neighborhood with my brother, but only the 1st one was the best. I guess I could simply change my view and say just not to do something, but I just tried that and it didn't work. I get worked up when people get worked up over my imperfections as a perfectionist, though technically I'm more of a romantic type..

:'( You know, really, some people like that stuff, but obviously they do know that it isn't right. I know I'm getting better taking better care of myself.

It's sorta a dream the days between now and when I went to the mental hospital. I came back on a lotta medicine, which was reduced and once raised and then reduced again. My dad is having me split my pills and take them every day, whereas before I took one pill of a higher dosage every 3 days. I was doing good on my medicine and being in check talking to my grandma on the phone every day. I was taking a high dosage. We made a trip to a place we used to live I remember and then I got my medicine raised. The place though was the nation's oldest continuing city. It's probably because we didn't stay in the oldest school house long enough, my brother and I. Some people were coming in I guess, a lot of tan people.. My brother wanted to go. I told my mom before I officially stepped out something. The trip wasn't perfect in the end. I don't see why something always has to happen.

I got off my medicine and went back to the hospital and then had to take it again. I had a good time until my brother came home and then my birthday. Things seem a bit shaky now. I'm supposed to remember things, but I keep forgetting them. Orlando is a friendly place, a bit messed up though obviously. Like, not only do I need to remember, which I haven't thought of since saying so until now, to not get mad when people are thinking of some bad things but saying they don't mean any harm in thinking of these things here...

...you know, I remember now, pretty much if you step out of line in Florida that's the end. You get your dignity back if you meant well.

So, I'm supposed to not get mad at people.

Also, I'm pretty good at not thinking people are the "s" word. I had a problem with that for a time. Recently, though, thoughts of the "k" word have come up. I don't know what crazed me, but I think it's something that's going to be wearing off, too late as it is. I suppose there are some things that are unexpected. Like, what if someone hit the place in my body where my female things are? I probably would react with the "k" word in my head or push them. I kinda pushed my brother a bit when he was walking funny in front of me at the mall after we got something to eat, some yogurt. We all had yogurt like I wanted I just realized except my mom got Oriental food. I had just eaten I know, some leftovers I made. I suppose I've made a scenario where I'd use the "k" word in my head, so now maybe I won't. It's too bad I have it in me to fool around with that word. Right now, I'm petrified at the thought of it. You know, when I was jogging, there was a loud siren of an ambulance and maybe firetruck. I think I heard 2 or 3 police, as well during my jog, before that I think.

Today, also, I felt that my thoughts were to be smashed of having babies and grandchildren just because I was thinking of something critical. I feel I have "special" rules in the wrong way that don't make sense. I think people care if you're down like that, though. So, good thing I didn't do anything about that.

People sometimes seem to want to make me in trouble in ways that still don't make sense.

People seem to think it matters that I get ridiculed.

?

I think something bad is catching on. I'm a bit mad about the grandchildren thing. I was kinda mellow about it, at first. I guess it's kinda okay, but you know it's so bad that this happened. I know these people do get in trouble, but people act like they're so high and mighty. I guess I sorta mangled the whole idea, myself, you might say.

I'm not one to not say what's on my mind as though it'd mess something up. I suppose something's up... I dunno?.. I'm curious about these things because I wasn't brought up to hold things in when they're meant to be discussed, like I think I can think of what I want though I do gauge myself with dignity to not really think of certain things, so maybe I'll learn to be more tactual. *sigh*

Monday, June 11, 2012

Some things might seem wary

but sometimes you need to be careful if the sun shines too brightly.

Or...

you can change the rules to meet your "needs." Just have a whim and see if you click.

Did you ever notice that after you do something

is when the bargaining begins?

I edited this post.

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groggy :p

I suppose it's almost time for supper.

I guess some people just decide to do away with the whole thing.

That's something that shouldn't happen, in a way. I suppose it makes some sense. So many people are unwilling to plow through certain thoughts. I mean, that's what I'm doing. I guess some people just like fluff.

Feeling Your Way

It's just too bad how people hold onto things unnecessarily or unseemingly...

I suppose some things need to be dealt with. I can see the humor in it, but some people who are detached from reality of things decide to barge in with their own impressive logic that they themselves do not have to follow, whereas for some reason I end up having to. People had been fantasizing for some reason testing out seeing if they could control me when I said the "n" word thing was something different people ended up having me do.

WHAT'S going on?

I guess people just couldn't hold it, any longer. Gonna get into trouble!

Some things don't make sense and drag on. People have too much liberty on their hands while I have virtually none.

I'm not sure how the feeling must have spread nor decisions made. I don't go by what I feel. I go by what I conclude. How can you go by what you feel? I do have feelings. They usually mean something. They result in finding the answer to something. I don't like feel my way through things in a certain way.

It's just too bad. You think some people have some guidelines then find out that something else happens...

New Videos of Me Singing

YouTube

Strange

I mean, before things were kinda cool to me. Now, they're not. I guess people don't like being overly smotherly as a regular habit because they must feel it belittles them as a person if done in extreme. I dunno. What if the world became that? I suppose they'd start taking things as they are rather than doing it just for the wrong reason|s.

Sad, as it is.

I wish people would get a life or something. This is ridiculous and beyond ... or besides the point. People should judge things as they are and not make up excuses for it. :(

So, no one does accept the truth.

I guess they will pay for it.

This has been rehashed.

It might be because

I went to the mental hospital.

I mean, it must have mattered. I don't trust people, anymore.

I guess I was astonished

that the pact was sorta broken.

...Followup?

Well, I don't really see the sense in it, but all in all it must be a good thing otherwise.

Why...

...do people sometimes suddenly decide they will be the one to be overly smotherly to someone because of something that happened to them, when it's more their fault and something bad they did?

People are too hooked onto the idea of well who did it and not what really happened. How would you describe that?

Just Got Caught up on Julie Andrews

New Pictures of Nell Burton

Nell Burton

Sunday, June 10, 2012

'T'won't be long.

I go somewhere tomorrow morning.

So, blast me for something I didn't do!

I can't react?

Do you ever

try to make it so that sometimes people do the wrong things so the world seems normal but find if you didn't do that that you would have done something wrong, anyway? I don't think that should strike a chord in anyone. :/ If so, they are a bad person. I feel victimized.

Being Weird

If normally I am right, why do people get mad at just that? My life has become more complex, and I am still right. Things are just weird.

Maybe, there's things I did, but it's all either something beyond my reach or about a misunderstanding. :/

What I Did Wrong

People have problems with me supposedly thinking they are shit and stuff, but that was already something I didn't want to have pop up in my mind!

I thought we had this shit together.

My Brother's Dog

He needs to get a grip. He's the one who identified with having a dog. He's so sick. He's in the doghouse, not everyone else.

Fine, I'll just

call someone's kid a nigger and try to discern who they will be or are.

My Dad

He seems to think he has an Irish side. He figures some people can be mean to others, and others can't even if that's not what they meant.

My brother has problems.

He has a sick, twisted mind. He thinks he can bring up and unsettle the past. He's always been a confusing person, simply. Perhaps life is too simple and people try to make it complicated, or it's too complicated and people have problems simplifying it.

I tried explaining to my mother...

I told my mom, she put an idea in my head! Now, it's just stuck. I guess she wants to have a bit of fun but my family is so negative and never do anything for the right reasons, not that anyone does or could seeing as how they are.

This is so worthless! Literally. And NO I didn't do anything.

My brother was acting up and my parents always let my brother get away with having an attitude, sometimes was constantly.

Then, my mom decided to have an issue, as well.

My family is sick in creating bad fantasies over me, when things are just calm.

Was there ever a time...

...when, a good person, you felt encouraged to your subconscious to let out your feelings in certain situations? Of course, there's always our conscience and things we do not need it on. :(

My Grandma and Aunt

Well, my dad will talk to my grandma today. I really hope she is doing well. Next month when I have more money again, I should get her a card. It's too bad she doesn't use the internet because that would be so much fun!

I have to e-mail my aunt back. I had a good time with her recently.

About getting my grandma a card, well, I guess I could wait until July 4th. There are so many holidays!

Things That Come Up

It seems that things come up that weren't supposed to.

Over It Some

I am somewhat over it. I am happy with myself, just slightly bored I guess. It is a bit funny. I still am like I was before, in some ways, but it would be nice to get in touch with how I was.

An Animal and Not a Person

I look more like an animal now, too. I looked like a person before. I looked very human, which I find interesting.

I'm worried

my grandma will do something to make my future worse. I don't need her to constantly get at me for things I've done in tight situations. I even wonder if it's her fault these things happened. I don't know why she desensitized me like that, must have startled me when I wasn't feeling so well. I mean, I just lost everything. It must have been not only the "n" word thing but in conjunction that with some things I said with my dad. I don't know why I felt the need to say what I said. It seems my dad liked being more open, but he doesn't say those kinds of things himself. I was sorry I said it. I'm overall a good person. I don't know what happened. I don't know why I felt that guilt. I am more bored with myself. She shouldn't have done that!

So

I'm thinking I can't call her every day. I'm thinking of calling her once a week starting at the beginning of the school year. :p Or just once in awhile, maybe not that often or maybe not at all. I have to send her a letter saying I'm not talking now. I told me aunt to tell her, though.

So, I'm still mad.

Ever since I talked to my grandma on the phone once and I simply said I don't know if I'll go without eating for a long time again or not and maybe some other things, I looked more simple. I had just gotten my contacts and was looking more detailed because I could exchange what I saw. I even felt my nose's bump go away while we were talking.

She had me call her every day and do a Bible reading, but I stopped on my birthday. She was always onto me since a certain point and acting like she can do anything in the world and owns me or everybody, but that doesn't seem to be true, essentially.

I'm so mad. What happened to me? My face is so plain. I mean, I'm faring well, but what is this? I can't change the past and all the good things that happened, but that was wrong. She acts like she has liberty over me, as do other people. I even saw today someone retreat feeling hurt by what someone else thought of them after they were mean to me.

I deleted some posts and edited 1.

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New Pictures and Videos

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YouTube

Multi-Dimensional

I guess some people have different ways of communicating, I guess?.. I guess I don't have anyone to be risque with. =^..^=~ Not that I want nor need to. I can do it with myself, I guess. ~>^..^<

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Stop suggesting things to me.

Every time someone does something wrong to me

they get at me for being upset at all.

I WANTED TO EAT OUT IN THE KITCHEN

LEAVE ME ALONE

People won't stop sending me suggestions.

I was talking to my dad, then my mom called right after they had left and we waved to them and then he said he had to go to the bathroom. I came out, in a somewhat okay mood but not perfect with my earplugs in and then my dad turned on some talking really loudly on his computer. I know he'd be in trouble with his mom for that. It's just disgusting. It's gay.

Oh, wow.

Someone happens to be in a bad mood. I don't need this! Stop treating me like scum!

Whoops!

I forgot to add my current profile picture.

New Feature Pictures of Me

My main album has the best pictures of me.

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Just Woke Up

feeling a little tired :p

Old IMDb Accounts

http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33988188/boards/profile
http://www.imdb.com/user/ur33988588/boards/profile

Friday, June 8, 2012

I edited 2 posts and deleted 1.

http://19christinabarrett86.blogspot.com/2012/06/oh-no.html
http://19christinabarrett86.blogspot.com/2012/06/i-have-to-manually-record-ellen.html

New Pictures and Videos

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I feel so refreshed from eating supper!

New Pictures and Video

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When my dad and I saw "Frankenstein,"

my mom and brother had Chinese food. I didn't notice if they finished it or not, but there was a lot. My dad and I ate at the mall and ended up having strombolis. I had juice with mine.

I was gonna sleep in.

Too bad I got mad, or else I would have watched "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

I had some laundry, too. My mom likes to wash on Fridays, usually, sometime on the weekend or late in the week.

:( I can go back and watch it but want dessert and to get ready. We're having some kind of Chinese food tonight, but I don't think it's the fancy kind you get at the mall. I think it's just some flavored meat and a lot of fried rice and noodles.

Wow, this is a nice picture, of Nell.

Nell

Um.

A picture is worth a thousand words, didn't know people wanted me to talk about them. :|

I don't see what the question is.

In the midst of all that's happened, why am I expected to monologue about a 5-year-old? I mean, my life isn't all that great for certain reasons. It used to be better in some ways. I feel better physically now, I mena. I mean, before things were alright already. I did what I was supposed to do and that was just it. How could this have happened? I thought I got in trouble for doing that. There's nothing to talk about, for some reason. I can try...

Yea, then, I can post about ...

... something tonight with my accounts set right.

Maybe, I'll just work on my status at IMDb.

and take a shower by around 4.

3:01

I was preparing food. I did the dishes, too. I missed the beginning of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I'd better wait until tonight. :p Then, I'll go to bed late. I dunno...

I'm pretty good at being good.

So, what's the point in testing me out? Well, I ... never!

This is an order!

People tell good people that there are suggestions to doing things good.

Conservative?

It's ... the weekend!

Trying to see some sense in this

Maybe, there's something wrong with the show. Maybe, she doesn't feel well.

Hm. :/

I suppose some things go wrong and epole wonder why.

Do some people

are they just afraid of what people will say about them? What a way to live! I want people to talk about me. What do I do? About people who don't?

Why do some people just keep going on to the next thing?

Like, I do something smoothly and they interpret it badly.

Not My Fault

It's not my fault that bad things are happening, and I don't mean what I say in code.

I don't actually know

what happened.

So, sorry if I was wrong. I just don't see the point in making it so people have to manually record her show each day. Oh wow, someone is so special they make this a burden on the world. Isn't this the original type of issue? Sorta, ruining others's lives in the process? I don't think that's something I do, and I shall pray for you! :|

Freedom of Speech

Now, I know I have that.

Something I Did 3 Weeks Ago

I didn't connect this to what I was thinking out in my blog, but I said some people act like someone is more important than someone or themselves like. It's okay. Also, it's like people are shouting down orders to not do things the way they should. They simply do not have it in them. No one has the right to do this to me. I bet it's illegal. Think of the sense of satisfaction that results. What was the point? It was just a whim that means nothing. I will not conform to this.

So, then, I made up for it by admitting what was in lieu, that, okay, your biological children will always hold the 1st place in your heart, and I don't have any. I realized that was stark and so added as a favor that the possibilities are endless in this relationship. I felt I was supposed to go on but didn't feel like it because I'd already been through this in my mind.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Monday, June 11, 2012

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Friday, June 8, 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012